The random joke thread

[Durham Fox]

I will start this off.....

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? Wiped his arse.

 

[Kettering Pete]

what's brown and sounds like a bell?
Dung

What's green and eats nuts?
Syphyllis

What's brown and sits on a piano stool?
Beethovens last movement

 

[Melton Fox]

What's blue & doesn't fit anymore?...

A dead epileptic

 

[Durham Fox]

What's silver and sits at the end of the bed taking the piss out of you?



A dialysis machine

 

[Joe_Fox]

Why did the pube fall off the toilet seat?

Because he got pissed off.

 

[fcukcov]

Whats brown and sticky?

A stick.

 

[Durham Fox]

Did you hear about the quadriplegic juggler?



He dropped all the quadriplegics.

 

[Yorkshire Vixen]

Whats brown and sticky?

A stick.

that always makes me smile :icon_bigg

 

[highland fox]

I used to be indecisive but.....
I'm not sure if I should post the rest of this:icon_conf

 

[Melton Fox]

A thalidomide victim trys to board a plane.

"Excuse me sir, you can't board this plane with small arms I'm afraid"

 

[MHS]

What do you call a man with a rabbit up his arse?

Warren

 

[lazzer]

man walked into a bar "oya bastard" ............it was an iron one

 

[OldGit]

If Princess diana was alive today, what would she be doing?



Clawing the coffin lid

 

[MHS]

If Princess diana was alive today, what would she be doing?



Clawing the coffin lid

What did Princess Diana and the Queen Mother have in common?

They both died approaching 102..... :icon_roll

 

[Durham Fox]

Why are pirates called pirates?






Because they aaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrhhhhhhh!

 

[OldGit]

An Irishman and an Essex girl were in a bar.
"I like your new wellies Paddy, what do these letters on them mean"
"L", says Paddy, "is for left and R for right, so as I dont put them on the wrong feet"
"Very clever" says the girl "could that be why my knickers have C and A written on them?"

 

[OldGit]

A little boy was lost at a large shopping mall. He approached a uniformed policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!" The cop asked, "What's he like?" The little boy replied, "Beer and women with big tits."

 

[lazzer]

a vicar stops a little girl in the village high street
"hello little girl whats your name"
"rosemary" replies the girl
"what a beautiful name is it because you parents like the herb" asks the vicar
"no its because my mummys name is mary and when she was carrying me a rose petal landed on her tummy" replies the little girl
"how lovely what a beautiful story and whats your dogs name" he asks
"porky" she replies
" how amusing is it because he has a curly tail" snorts the vicar
" no its because he fecks pigs "

 

[Willlow]

Two snowmen standing in a field

Snowman 1: 'im fcuking cold'

Snowman 2: 'so am I, but more importantly can you smell carrots?'

 

[Melton Fox]

Two birds sitting on a perch

"Can you smell fish"?