- Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and travelled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
- The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth
- Actually, Homer was not written by Homer, but by another man of that name.
- Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.
- In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, and threw the java.
- Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out: "Tee hee, Brutus."
- Joan of Arc was burn to a steak and was canonised by Bernard Shaw. Finally, Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice for the same offence.
- In midevil times most people were alliterate. The greatest writer of the futile ages was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verses and also wrote literature.
- Another story was William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son's head.
- It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of the blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking
- Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died of this.
- During the Renaissance, history began. Christopher Columbus was a great navigator who discovered America whilst cursing about the Atlantic. His ships were called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Fe.
- The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the West.
- My personal favourite paper to mark, was completely empty apart from one sentence.
“ Jesus, Please Help Me.”
I wanted to give it at least one mark, but it wasn’t in the mark scheme.
I believe many of these funny exam answers were originally complied by Dr Richard Lederer of St Paul's School: view Page
Other works cited for this page include:
- "google.com"
- "Yahoo.com"
- Useful Resources on Internet
- # When you breath, you inspire. When you don't breath, you expire.
- # The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
- A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.
- When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.
- For head colds, use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops into your throat.
- The moon is a planet just like Earth, only deader.
- Artificial insemination is what the farmer does to the cow instead of the bull.
- Dew is formed on leaves when sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
- To collect fumes of sulfur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.
- Equator: A managerie lion running around Earth through Africa.
- To remove dust from your eye, pull the eye down over the nose.
- Momentum. What you give a person when they are going away.
- Nitrogen is not found in Ireland, because it is not found in a free state.
- Magnet: Something you can find crawling over a dead cat.
- H20 is hot water. CO2 is cold water.
- Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.
- Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives.
- Respiration is composed of inspiration and then expectoration.
- For a nosebleed: Put the nose lower than the body until the heart stops.
- To prevent contraception use a condominium.
- Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
