My grandad, the pyromaniac

[Blue Maniac]

Another addition to the string of bizarre incidents around me in the past few weeks. I got a text from my mum at 11 yesterday morning:

Dad just put some aerosol cans on the fire! Went off like a bomb and shot all over the room.

6pm:

Told ted and hes still laughing. I was in the line of fire! Still picking bits of metal out of my hair

I went round there tonight, and got his side of the story. He picked up a plastic carrier bag which had been put next to the back door for the dustbin, so he picked it up and put it on the fire, without looking what was in it. I pointed out that "you can't put plastic bags on the fire either, you lunatic". My mum then related the moment "the cans were laid on the fire, then exploded, the fireguard shot back across the room, which then filled up with smoke and he stood there looking like something from the Black and White Minstrel Show." Meanwhile she was taking cover from the shrapnel flying across the room.

He's ****ing insane. It must be like living with a chimpanzee.

 

[Siouxsie]

sorry - but that did make me laugh.

 

[tedfoxxx]

:icon_lol: Ah crazy grandads!

Reminds me of the time my mum's twat of a next door neighbour had a little fire in his back garden to burn his building waste and his kid's used nappies. His shed caught fire, which had several quite large gas canisters in it. Two fire engines were needed to put out the 20 foot flames, and it produced the biggest bang I've ever heard.

The **** also had the ****ing cheek to tell a few people on the street that I set fire to his shed.

 

[East Anglia Fox]

Despite his apparent lack of common-sense, can your Grandad still use apostrophes properly like you do?

 

[MKFox]

I remember the advise my grandad gave me about women.
Get her to go on top and stuck your finger up her arse.....
Thanks grandad, great words to give an 11 year old

 

[Blue Maniac]

Despite his apparent lack of common-sense, can your Grandad still use apostrophes properly like you do?

I actually have no idea. I imagine so. One thing he does is abruptly return to a discussion from hours, or sometimes days, previous. For example during a routine tv watching experience he suddenly turned to my mum and said something like "that was just before she moved to Canada, wasn't it?" After several moments of blank looks I asked him who on earth he was on about. Only after he delivered an obviously frustrated response did we realise he was revisiting a conversation he'd had with someone else two or three days prior.

 

[Matt_B]

I actually have no idea. I imagine so. One thing he does is abruptly return to a discussion from hours, or sometimes days, previous. For example during a routine tv watching experience he suddenly turned to my mum and said something like "that was just before she moved to Canada, wasn't it?" After several moments of blank looks I asked him who on earth he was on about. Only after he delivered an obviously frustrated response did we realise he was revisiting a conversation he'd had with someone else two or three days prior.

My grandad has a habit of saying things like "Can you believe what Sharon did the other day to Ricky?" to which we all stare blankly, racking our brains to think of a Sharon or Ricky that we know, before he reveals that he is talking about Coronation Street or some other shit soap.

That and an over use of the word darkies and using black as a (derogatory) adjective.

 

[spionfox]

"Can you believe what Sharon did the other day to Ricky?" to which we all stare blankly, racking our brains to think of a Sharon or Ricky that we know, before he reveals that he is talking about Coronation Street or some other shit soap.

Wouldn't be Corrie, there's no Sharon and Ricky in that :icon_wink

 

[Matt_B]

Wouldn't be Corrie, there's no Sharon and Ricky in that :icon_wink

Names were changed to protect their identities.