The random joke thread
- Thread starter Durham Fox
- Start date
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Yorkshire Vixen
Active Member
:icon_lol:
lazzer
Moderator
matthew kelly is hosting stars in their eyes and introduces the next contestant who is called simon and he enters on crutches.
"simon you have a remarkable story to tell the audience"
"well yes matthew 6 months ago i was in serious car crash with my uncle who died and which ended up with me losing both my legs"
"and you have artificial ones now?"
"no matthew thanks to moderen science they amputated my smashed legs and grafted on my uncles lower body and legs and after physio here i am tonight"
" amazing simon ,anyway who you going to be tonight"
"tonight matthew im going to be
.................................................................................................
:icon_lol:
simon and half uncle :icon_lol: :icon_lol:
"simon you have a remarkable story to tell the audience"
"well yes matthew 6 months ago i was in serious car crash with my uncle who died and which ended up with me losing both my legs"
"and you have artificial ones now?"
"no matthew thanks to moderen science they amputated my smashed legs and grafted on my uncles lower body and legs and after physio here i am tonight"
" amazing simon ,anyway who you going to be tonight"
"tonight matthew im going to be
.................................................................................................
:icon_lol:
simon and half uncle :icon_lol: :icon_lol:
homer
Well-Known Member
Melton Fox
Dancing Queen
Terrible, truly terrible
Yorkshire Vixen
Active Member
it wasnt that bad..
:icon_lol:
Yorkshire Vixen
Active Member
youre obviously proud of that joke
drummindefender
Active Member
i liked it 
OldGit
Well-Known Member
lazzer
Moderator
OldGit
Well-Known Member
you cant remember that far back
So how do explain all my (alleged) jokes?:icon_cool
OldGit
Well-Known Member
Jesus and Moses are walking along the beach when all of a sudden Moses shouts out, ''You know what? I'm going to try and part the ocean again.'' And he throws his hands in the air and magically the ocean parts. Jesus sees this and says, ''I'm going to try and walk on water again!'' So he walks up to the water and takes a step on top and sinks! Moses says, ''Try it again, Jesus. It's been a while.'' So Jesus tries again and once more, he sinks.
Jesus comes up out of the water and says, ''I know what the problem is. When I walked on water before, I didn't have holes in my feet!''
Jesus comes up out of the water and says, ''I know what the problem is. When I walked on water before, I didn't have holes in my feet!''
Motown Fox
Well-Known Member
Some time ago I was having a discussion with a female friend a while back
when she claimed there are 69 positions to have sex. I felt that in fact there are only 68, and bet her £50, on condition that she prove it.
She accepted my bet, and we arranged to set aside the next weekend to settle the matter.We warmed up in a 69, my favourite number, and then got down to serious business. We did it doggy style, we did it several ways in a chair, we did it standing up.
Total 23
We spooned, we did it in full and half lotus, and we did the wheelbarrow. We
had sex in ways I can't remember, and often we would return to 69 to
re-lubricate.
Makes 53
By late Sunday evening we had tried 66 positions, and my friend could not
think of any more.
She asked me if I could think of any we'd missed, and being a gentleman I
replied, "Well, there's head to toe."
She lay on the bed, legs slightly apart, and I got on top, taking a big toe
in my mouth to add to her pleasure.
Makes 67
Suddenly she remembered the airplane position, and told me to spin slowly
like a propeller, maintaining penetration all the while.
Makes 68
This eventually brought us into... the missionary position.
That made 69. Damn she was right.
BUT I have to say that it was the best fifty quid I ever lost though.
when she claimed there are 69 positions to have sex. I felt that in fact there are only 68, and bet her £50, on condition that she prove it.
She accepted my bet, and we arranged to set aside the next weekend to settle the matter.We warmed up in a 69, my favourite number, and then got down to serious business. We did it doggy style, we did it several ways in a chair, we did it standing up.
Total 23
We spooned, we did it in full and half lotus, and we did the wheelbarrow. We
had sex in ways I can't remember, and often we would return to 69 to
re-lubricate.
Makes 53
By late Sunday evening we had tried 66 positions, and my friend could not
think of any more.
She asked me if I could think of any we'd missed, and being a gentleman I
replied, "Well, there's head to toe."
She lay on the bed, legs slightly apart, and I got on top, taking a big toe
in my mouth to add to her pleasure.
Makes 67
Suddenly she remembered the airplane position, and told me to spin slowly
like a propeller, maintaining penetration all the while.
Makes 68
This eventually brought us into... the missionary position.
That made 69. Damn she was right.
BUT I have to say that it was the best fifty quid I ever lost though.
bocadillo
Water Gypsy
Have you never tried position number 70?
It's the same as a 69, ...
................................... but then she owes you one!
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