The random joke thread

[fcukcov]

A duck walks into a bar and asks "Got any Bread?
>>> Barman says: "No."
>>> Duck says: "Got any bread?"
>>> Barman says: "No."
>>> Duck says: "Got any bread?"
>>> Barman says: "No, we have no bread."
>>> Duck says: "Got any bread?"
>>> Barman says: "No, we haven't got any ****ing bread."
>>> Duck says: "Got any bread?"
>>> Barman says: "No, are you deaf, we haven't got any ****ing bread,
>>> ask me again and I'll nail your ****ing beak to the bar you
>>> irritating bastard of a ****ing bird!" Duck says: "Got any nails?"
>>> Barman says: "No"
>>> Duck says: "Got any bread?

best joke on here in ages.

 

[Scarby]

A duck walks into a bar and asks "Got any Bread?
>>> Barman says: "No."
>>> Duck says: "Got any bread?"
>>> Barman says: "No."
>>> Duck says: "Got any bread?"
>>> Barman says: "No, we have no bread."
>>> Duck says: "Got any bread?"
>>> Barman says: "No, we haven't got any ****ing bread."
>>> Duck says: "Got any bread?"
>>> Barman says: "No, are you deaf, we haven't got any ****ing bread,
>>> ask me again and I'll nail your ****ing beak to the bar you
>>> irritating bastard of a ****ing bird!" Duck says: "Got any nails?"
>>> Barman says: "No"
>>> Duck says: "Got any bread?

:icon_lol::icon_lol::icon_lol::icon_lol::icon_lol::icon_lol:

 

[OldGit]

Two Jewish men, "Sid" and "Al" were sitting in a Mexican restaurant. Sid
asked Al, "Are there any people of our faith born and raised in Mexico?"

Al replied, "I don't know, let's ask our waiter."

When the waiter came by, Al asked him, "Are there any Mexican Jews?"
and the waiter said, "I don't know Senor, I'll ask the cooks."

He returned from the kitchen in a few minutes and said, "No sir, no Mexican Jews."

Al wasn't really satisfied with that and asked, "Are you absolutely
sure?"

The waiter, realizing he was dealing with "Gringos" gave the expected
answer, "I will check again, Senor!" and went back into the kitchen.

While the waiter was away, Sid said, "I find it hard to believe that
there are no Jews in Mexico. Our people are scattered everywhere."

The waiter returned and said, "Senor, the head cook says "No Mexican
Jews!"

Are you certain?" Al asked once again, "I can't believe there are no
Mexican Jews!"

"Senor, I ask EVERYONE," replied the exasperated waiter. "We have orange
Jews, prune Jews, tomato Jews, grape Jews, but no one ever hear of
Mexican Jews"!

 

[Han]

A duck walks into a bar and asks "Got any Bread?
>>> Barman says: "No."
>>> Duck says: "Got any bread?"
>>> Barman says: "No."
>>> Duck says: "Got any bread?"
>>> Barman says: "No, we have no bread."
>>> Duck says: "Got any bread?"
>>> Barman says: "No, we haven't got any ****ing bread."
>>> Duck says: "Got any bread?"
>>> Barman says: "No, are you deaf, we haven't got any ****ing bread,
>>> ask me again and I'll nail your ****ing beak to the bar you
>>> irritating bastard of a ****ing bird!" Duck says: "Got any nails?"
>>> Barman says: "No"
>>> Duck says: "Got any bread?

 

[Scarby]

very poor these are!

* Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he had no guts!

* What runs around a cemetery but doesn't move?
A fence!

* Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?
Because he had no body to go with!

* What does a witch ask for when she goes to a hotel?
Broom service!

* Why are graveyards so noisy ?
Because of all the coffin!

* Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?
His ghoul friend!

* Why do you always find ghouls and demons together?
Because demons are a ghoul's best friend!

* What do you call a fat Jack-O-Lantern?
A plumpkin!

* What do you call a vampire that's always feeling peckish?
Snackula!

* What do you call an angry monster?
Sir!

* Why is Dracula so unpopular?
Because he's a pain in the neck!

* Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Thumping
Thumping who?
Thumping green and thcary jutht crawled up your trouthers!

* What do you call someone who puts poison in corn flakes?
A cereal killer.

* Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends?
They're so wrapped up in themselves.

* What kind of streets do zombies like the best?
Dead ends.

 

[Melton Fox]

 

[Han]

don't get it melts

 

[four king power]

don't get it melts

I think he is referring to the standard of scarbys jokes, i.e off a lollypop stick

 

[OldGit]

I thought it was a discarded cigarette.

 

[MKFox]

they are shite scarby

 

[MHS]

very poor these are!

* Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he had no guts!

* What runs around a cemetery but doesn't move?
A fence!

* Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?
Because he had no body to go with!

* What does a witch ask for when she goes to a hotel?
Broom service!

* Why are graveyards so noisy ?
Because of all the coffin!

* Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?
His ghoul friend!

* Why do you always find ghouls and demons together?
Because demons are a ghoul's best friend!

* What do you call a fat Jack-O-Lantern?
A plumpkin!

* What do you call a vampire that's always feeling peckish?
Snackula!

* What do you call an angry monster?
Sir!

* Why is Dracula so unpopular?
Because he's a pain in the neck!

* Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Thumping
Thumping who?
Thumping green and thcary jutht crawled up your trouthers!

* What do you call someone who puts poison in corn flakes?
A cereal killer.

* Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends?
They're so wrapped up in themselves.

* What kind of streets do zombies like the best?
Dead ends.

 

[pds]

A duck walks into a bar and asks "Got any Bread?
>>> Barman says: "No."
>>> Duck says: "Got any bread?"
>>> Barman says: "No."
>>> Duck says: "Got any bread?"
>>> Barman says: "No, we have no bread."
>>> Duck says: "Got any bread?"
>>> Barman says: "No, we haven't got any ****ing bread."
>>> Duck says: "Got any bread?"
>>> Barman says: "No, are you deaf, we haven't got any ****ing bread,
>>> ask me again and I'll nail your ****ing beak to the bar you
>>> irritating bastard of a ****ing bird!" Duck says: "Got any nails?"
>>> Barman says: "No"
>>> Duck says: "Got any bread?

Brilliant

 

[Motown Fox]

It's a very sad world we live in when Sir Paul McCartney and his wife are
facing divorce and all anyone seems to want to do is make jokes about her
false leg.

Personally, I think it's prosthetic.

News reports have confirmed that Paul McCartney has separated from his wife
Heather Mills-McCartney. Mrs Mills-McCartney is said to be distraught over
the split. "He has been my crutch for so long"! She said in an earlier
briefing, "I have no idea why this has happened, I'm really stumped"

"She's running around in circles", according to a close friend, "she will
need all the support she can get. It's not like its easy to walk out on a
relationship like this"

After his break up with Heather, Paul was asked if he would ever consider
going down on one knee again. Paul said he would prefer it if we called her
Heather.

It is not known whether a pre-nuptial agreement was signed prior to the
marriage. Paul McCartney is one of the richest men in the world, and if an
agreement has been signed it is believed that she won't have a leg to stand
on.

Rumours abound over the split which have suggested that infidelity may have
been the cause. "She's terrible" a source stated, "always trying to get her
leg over".

Another source has suggested that her battle with alcoholism was the cause.
"Macca couldn't handle it anymore" a friend said, "he would get home at
night and find her legless"

Many have attributed this to a problem which started with the present that
Paul bought her prior to the wedding. He gave her a new prosthetic leg for
Christmas but that was just a stocking-filler.

A miner in Africa has an accident and loses a leg. He says to his mate "I'm
f---ed, who will want a one legged gold digger?" His mate says "try Paul
McCartney"

Finally a poem by Sir Paul McCartney:
I lay upon a grassy bank
My hands were all a quiver
I slowly removed her suspender belt and her leg fell in the river

These jokes are funny but lets spare a thought for Paul please. Now she has
left him, he's going to struggle to find another woman who can fill her
shoe.

 

[Yorkshire Vixen]

:icon_lol:

 

[Yorkshire Vixen]

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[Yorkshire Vixen]

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[Melton Fox]

Farmer Bill Dies in House

I don't get it

 

[MHS]

Very funny Motown :icon_lol: :icon_lol:

 

[Yorkshire Vixen]

Farmer Bill Dies in House

I don't get it

me neither

 

[From Gradel to Grave]

Farmer Bill Dies in House

I don't get it

He would have died on his farm I think is the 'joke'.