How I embraced the devil and joined the 21st century

[David Gwilliam]

I do not believe in God but regard the invention of the mobile phone as a strong argument for the existence of the devil

For years I have complained about mobile phones . For years I have been told that one day you will wish you had one and for years I have ignored the advice. I have moaned that a generation of children are growing up knowing their parents would rather look at their mobile phones than talk or better still listen to them. I have been irritated by women on trains telling the whole carriage about their medical conditions - note (1)

Well it happened. Two hours stuck in a train that never reached its destination knowing that people would be waiting for me. My complaints back in Leicester were met by a total lack of sympathy – “I told you that one day you would need a mobile phone etc” The result is that I have now got a mobile phone and am a fully fledged member of the 21st century.

It does seem to me that there is a need for an equivalent of Asimovs laws of Robotics. - note (2) Below are Gwilliam’s laws of mobile phones.

No mobiles should be used where people can overhear except in an emergency

Mobiles should never be used as a way of belittling waiters, checkout assistants etc. They are as important as you are. notes - (3) and (4)

If you google what a speaker says you should not come up with a look of surprise and say “I checked what you said and you were right.”- note (5)

1. People outside England may not be aware that English ladies who are otherwise perfect have an obsessive and unsavoury need to talk about their medical conditions Apart from doctors no English gentleman is interested in peoples inner workings
2. Isaac Asimov was a popular Science Fiction writer in the 1950s and 1960s.
3. A Sainsburys checkout worker refused to serve a woman until she stopped talking on her mobile phone. Sainsburys backed the customer. I e-mailed Sainsburys saying that they were encouraging bad manners. They replied by saying that they had received a lot of support for the checkout worker

4 I would like to see a sign in supermarkets that says "Your call is important to you. We will not distract you by serving you while you are on the phone.

5 One day I will no doubt be told that Google says I was wrong. My guess is that if an expert says one thing and Google says another both are actually right. This does not apply to economists who are always wrong.

 

[bocadillo]

A Sainsburys checkout worker refused to serve a woman until she stopped talking on her mobile phone.

The trick is for the checkout operator to ask them a question and to politely wait for an answer. Trust me - it works.


The one thing I want to know though is how a mobile phone knows when its owner is getting to the front of the queue at ASDA. They seem invariably to ring when somebody is just about to be served.

 

[spionfox]

1. A Sainsburys checkout worker refused to serve a woman until she stopped talking on her mobile phone. Sainsburys backed the customer.

No less than you would expect of a commercial organisation.

Of course that doesn't excuse the ignorance and outright rudeness of the paying customer.