The highly specific joke thread
- Thread starter OldGit
- Start date
- Status
OldGit
Well-Known Member
Guy goes to his local council to apply for a job as an electrician.
the interviewer says: "Recruitment is done on a points system; have you been in the armed services?"
"Yes," he says " I was in the army for three years and served in Iraq . "
The interviewer says "Great that'll give you extra points toward employment" He then asks "were you trained as an electrician?"
The guy says " Yes I have all my papers."
"Brilliant, more points in your favour. Finally he asks: "Are you disabled in any way?"
The guy replies: "Unfortunately: a mortar round exploded near me and blew my testicles off."
The interviewer tells the guy "No problem; further points towards employment. OK. I can hire you right now. The hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 pm. You can start tomorrow. Come in at 10:00 AM."
The recruit is puzzled and says " If the hours are from 8:00 AM. To 4:00 pm, then why do you want me to come in at 10:00 AM? "
"This is a job with the council" the interviewer replies. " For the first two hours we sit around scratching our balls....... not really worth you coming in for that."
the interviewer says: "Recruitment is done on a points system; have you been in the armed services?"
"Yes," he says " I was in the army for three years and served in Iraq . "
The interviewer says "Great that'll give you extra points toward employment" He then asks "were you trained as an electrician?"
The guy says " Yes I have all my papers."
"Brilliant, more points in your favour. Finally he asks: "Are you disabled in any way?"
The guy replies: "Unfortunately: a mortar round exploded near me and blew my testicles off."
The interviewer tells the guy "No problem; further points towards employment. OK. I can hire you right now. The hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 pm. You can start tomorrow. Come in at 10:00 AM."
The recruit is puzzled and says " If the hours are from 8:00 AM. To 4:00 pm, then why do you want me to come in at 10:00 AM? "
"This is a job with the council" the interviewer replies. " For the first two hours we sit around scratching our balls....... not really worth you coming in for that."
Biff
Active Member
A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for £5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for £150." The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home. The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend £5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only £150?" The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."
OldGit
Well-Known Member
A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to
walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, 'What are these, Dad? To
which the man matter-of-factly replies, 'Those are called condoms son.
Men use them to have safe sex.' 'Oh I see,'
replied the boy pensively. Yes, I've heard of that in health class at
school.' He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and
asks,'Why are there 3 in this package?'
The dad replies, 'Those are for high school boys, one for Friday, one
for Saturday, and one for Sunday.'
'Cool' says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, 'Then who are these
for?' 'Those are for college students,' the dad answers, TWO for Friday, TWO
for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday.' '
WOW!' exclaimed the boy,Then who uses THESE?' he asks, picking up a 12 pack.
With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied, 'Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March.......'
walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, 'What are these, Dad? To
which the man matter-of-factly replies, 'Those are called condoms son.
Men use them to have safe sex.' 'Oh I see,'
replied the boy pensively. Yes, I've heard of that in health class at
school.' He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and
asks,'Why are there 3 in this package?'
The dad replies, 'Those are for high school boys, one for Friday, one
for Saturday, and one for Sunday.'
'Cool' says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, 'Then who are these
for?' 'Those are for college students,' the dad answers, TWO for Friday, TWO
for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday.' '
WOW!' exclaimed the boy,Then who uses THESE?' he asks, picking up a 12 pack.
With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied, 'Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March.......'
Biff
Active Member
A couple goes to a therapist because their love life has fallen on hard times. The therapist gives them some homework - he says to the husband, "This week, when you see your wife bend over, I want you to impulsively pull her pants down and mount her from behind. Just do it!"
A week later, the couple returns, and the therapist asks the husband if he did his homework assignment.
"Oh yes," the husband says, "and it was great. But I don't think we're welcome in Asdas anymore."
A week later, the couple returns, and the therapist asks the husband if he did his homework assignment.
"Oh yes," the husband says, "and it was great. But I don't think we're welcome in Asdas anymore."
Biff
Active Member
Ethel loves to charge around the nursing home in her wheelchair, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to a maximum speed on the long corridors.
Everybody tolerates each other, and some of the men have actually been known to join in.
The other day Ethel was speeding up a corridor when a door opened and Mad Mike stepped out of his room with his arm outstretched, "STOP!" he said in a firm voice. "Have you got a license for that thing?"
Ethel fished around in her handbag and pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper and held it up to him. "OK" he said, and away Ethel sped down the hall.
As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, Weird William popped out in front of her and shouted, "STOP! Have you got proof of insurance?"
Ethel dug into her handbag, pulled out a beer coaster and held it up to him. William nodded and said, "Carry on, ma'am."
As Ethel neared the final corridor before the front door, Bonkers Brian stepped out in front of her, stark naked, holding a very sizeable erection in his hand.
"Oh, no!" said Ethel, "Not the Breathalyzer again!"
Everybody tolerates each other, and some of the men have actually been known to join in.
The other day Ethel was speeding up a corridor when a door opened and Mad Mike stepped out of his room with his arm outstretched, "STOP!" he said in a firm voice. "Have you got a license for that thing?"
Ethel fished around in her handbag and pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper and held it up to him. "OK" he said, and away Ethel sped down the hall.
As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, Weird William popped out in front of her and shouted, "STOP! Have you got proof of insurance?"
Ethel dug into her handbag, pulled out a beer coaster and held it up to him. William nodded and said, "Carry on, ma'am."
As Ethel neared the final corridor before the front door, Bonkers Brian stepped out in front of her, stark naked, holding a very sizeable erection in his hand.
"Oh, no!" said Ethel, "Not the Breathalyzer again!"
drummindefender
Active Member
i havent got a feckin problem with the thread just no need for a joke forum!
FIF
Well-Known Member
I love the jokes.
Spent all day on there yesterday still only around page 50 though.
drummindefender
Active Member
- Status
Championship
| P | Pld | Pts | |
| 1 | Leicester | 46 | 97 |
| 2 | Ipswich | 46 | 96 |
| 3 | Leeds Utd | 46 | 90 |
| 4 | Southampton | 46 | 87 |
| 5 | West Brom | 46 | 75 |
| 6 | Norwich City | 46 | 73 |
| 7 | Hull City | 46 | 70 |
| 8 | Middlesbro | 46 | 69 |
| 9 | Coventry City | 46 | 64 |
| 10 | Preston | 46 | 63 |
| 11 | Bristol City | 46 | 62 |
| 12 | Cardiff City | 46 | 62 |
| 13 | Millwall | 46 | 59 |
| 14 | Swansea City | 46 | 57 |
| 15 | Watford | 46 | 56 |
| 16 | Sunderland | 46 | 56 |
| 17 | Stoke City | 46 | 56 |
| 18 | QPR | 46 | 56 |
| 19 | Blackburn | 46 | 53 |
| 20 | Sheffield W | 46 | 53 |
| 21 | Plymouth | 46 | 51 |
| 22 | Birmingham | 46 | 50 |
| 23 | Huddersfield | 46 | 45 |
| 24 | Rotherham Utd | 46 | 27 |
