The random joke thread

[MKFox]

With the unfortunate passing of Sir Henry Cooper Audley Harrison has moved up a place in the current British rankings.

:icon_lol:

 

[Longcliffe]

Just ate a whole curried pelican at my local indian restaurant. It tasted fantastic but the bill was f***ing massive

 

[Longcliffe]

Pippa Middleton's arse is like a JK Rowling book

You know Harry's going to be in it.

 

[Longcliffe]

What do you say to a Cov fan with a sexy lass on his arm?

'Nice tattoo'

 

[fosseboy83]

At any time the temptation to sing 'The Lion Sleeps Tonight' is never more than a whim away...

 

[Darth Vodka]

(works better if you work in London!)

all these places you don't here much in the News: Islamabad, Faisalabad, Abbottabad

i mean we've known Westhamabad all season

 

[Profondo Rosso]

Osama found dead in Abbotabad mansion.

Talk Abbotabad place to hide.



Ayyyyyyy...........

 

[FryattFox]

(works better if you work in London!)

all these places you don't here much in the News: Islamabad, Faisalabad, Abbottabad

i mean we've known Westhamabad all season

Two jokes in one?!

 

[Longcliffe]

A man phones his wife from hospital and told her that his finger had been cut off in an accident at work. "OH MY GOD!" cried the wife. "The hole finger?". "No", he said, "the one next to it!!"

 

[Blue Maniac]

A man phones his wife from hospital and told her that his finger had been cut off in an accident at work. "OH MY GOD!" cried the wife. "The hole finger?". "No", he said, "the one next to it!!"

Eh?

 

[bocadillo]

Eh?

Come on - wake up!

 

[Blue Maniac]

Come on - wake up!

I got it, Bob. Probably one better told aloud than misspelt.

 

[SJN-Fox]

Bloke asks his girlfriend for a handjob, she says "I've never done that, what do I do"?

Bloke says "remember when you was a kid & you'd shake a coke bottle & spray your brother with it? That's what you do"

She nods so he pulls out his cock, she grabs hold & starts shaking it, 10 minutes later he has tears runnin down his face, snot flowing from his nose & wax flying from his ears, she says "whats wrong?"

He replies "take your ****in thumb off the end"....

 

[RHYDAL]

What have Kate Middleton and Osama Bin Laden got in common. Last weekend, they both had their back doors smashed in, and were shot in the face by a serviceman.

 

[alex]

Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle, they walk over to the bird section and Gerry says to Paddy, 'Dat's dem.'

The owner comes over and asks if he can help them.

'Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies
In dat cage up dere,' says Gerry.

The owner puts the budgies in a cardboard box.
Paddy and Gerry pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry's truck to drive to the top of the Connor Pass.

At the Connor Pass , Gerry looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says, 'Dis looks like a grand place..'
He takes two birds out of the box, puts one on each shoulder and jumps off the cliff.

Paddy watches as the budgies fly off and Gerry falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself stone dead.

Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Paddy shakes his head and says, 'Fook dat.

Dis budgie jumping is too fook'n dangerous for me!'

 

[alex]

.....

Moment's later; Seamus arrives up at ConnorPass.

He's been to the pet shop too and walks up to the edge of the cliff carrying another cardboard box in one hand and a shotgun in the other.

'Hi, Paddy, watch dis,' Seamus says.

He takes a parrot from the box and lets him fly free.

He then throws himself over the edge of the cliff with the gun.

Paddy watches as half way down, Seamus takes the gun and shoots the parrot.

Seamus continues to plummet down and down until he hits the bottom and breaks every bone

In his body.

Paddy shakes his head and says, 'And I'm never trying dat parrotshooting either!'

 

[alex]

....................................


Paddy is just getting over the shock of losing
Two friends when Sean appears.

He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a cardboard box out of which he pulls a chicken.

Sean then takes the chicken by its legs and hurls himself off the cliff and disappears down and down until he hits a rock and breaks his spine.

Once more Paddy shakes his head.

'Fook dat, lads. First dere was Gerry with his budgie jumping, den Seamus parrotshooting... And now Sean and his fook'n hengliding!'

 

[RHYDAL]

Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle, they walk over to the bird section and Gerry says to Paddy, 'Dat's dem.'

The owner comes over and asks if he can help them.

'Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies
In dat cage up dere,' says Gerry.

The owner puts the budgies in a cardboard box.
Paddy and Gerry pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry's truck to drive to the top of the Connor Pass.

At the Connor Pass , Gerry looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says, 'Dis looks like a grand place..'
He takes two birds out of the box, puts one on each shoulder and jumps off the cliff.

Paddy watches as the budgies fly off and Gerry falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself stone dead.

Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Paddy shakes his head and says, 'Fook dat.

Dis budgie jumping is too fook'n dangerous for me!'

.....

Moment's later; Seamus arrives up at ConnorPass.

He's been to the pet shop too and walks up to the edge of the cliff carrying another cardboard box in one hand and a shotgun in the other.

'Hi, Paddy, watch dis,' Seamus says.

He takes a parrot from the box and lets him fly free.

He then throws himself over the edge of the cliff with the gun.

Paddy watches as half way down, Seamus takes the gun and shoots the parrot.

Seamus continues to plummet down and down until he hits the bottom and breaks every bone

In his body.

Paddy shakes his head and says, 'And I'm never trying dat parrotshooting either!'

....................................


Paddy is just getting over the shock of losing
Two friends when Sean appears.

He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a cardboard box out of which he pulls a chicken.

Sean then takes the chicken by its legs and hurls himself off the cliff and disappears down and down until he hits a rock and breaks his spine.

Once more Paddy shakes his head.

'Fook dat, lads. First dere was Gerry with his budgie jumping, den Seamus parrotshooting... And now Sean and his fook'n hengliding!'

Racist.

 

[Macky]

Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle

An Daingean

 

[Graz]

....................................


Paddy is just getting over the shock of losing
Two friends when Sean appears.

He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a cardboard box out of which he pulls a chicken.

Sean then takes the chicken by its legs and hurls himself off the cliff and disappears down and down until he hits a rock and breaks his spine.

Once more Paddy shakes his head.

'Fook dat, lads. First dere was Gerry with his budgie jumping, den Seamus parrotshooting... And now Sean and his fook'n hengliding!'

Haha, bloody love it.