fcukcov
Active Member
> REST OF THE WORLD VERSION:
>
> The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building
> and improving
>
> his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks
> he's a fool,
>
> and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
>
> Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.
>
> The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the
> cold.
>
> ____________________THE END____________________
>
>
>
> THE BRITISH VERSION:
> (Which could almost have been written by George Orwell)
>
> The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building
> his house and laying
>
> up supplies for the winter.
>
> The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the
> summer away.
>
> Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.
>
> A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls a press
> conference and demands to
>
> know why the squirrel should be allowed to be warm and well fed while
> others less fortunate,
>
> like the grasshopper, are cold and starving.
>
> The BBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper;
> with cuts to a video
>
> of the squirrel in his comfortable warm home with a table laden with
> food.
>
> The British press informs people that they should be ashamed that, in a
> country of such wealth,
>
> this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer while others have plenty.
> The Labour Party, Greenpeace,
>
> Animal Rights and The Grasshopper Council of GB demonstrate in front of
> the squirrel's house.
>
> The BBC, interrupting a cultural festival special from Notting Hill
> with breaking news, broadcasts a
>
> multicultural choir singing "We Shall Overcome". Ken Livingstone rants
> in an interview with Trevor
>
> McDonald that the squirrel has gotten rich off the backs of
> grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate
>
> tax hike on the squirrel to make him pay his "fair share", and
> increases the charge for squirrels to
>
> enter inner London.
>
> In response to pressure from the media, the Government drafts the
> Economic Equity and Grasshopper
>
> Anti-Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of the summer.
> The squirrel's taxes are reassessed.
>
> He is taken to court and fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as
> builders for the work on his home,
>
> with an additional fine for contempt (for telling the court that
> grasshoppers do not want to work).
>
> The grasshopper is provided with a council house, financial aid to
> furnish it, and an account with a
>
> local taxi firm to ensure he can be socially mobile. The squirrel's
> food is seized and re-distributed to
>
> the more needy members of society - in this case, the grasshopper.
>
>
> Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his
> newly-imposed retroactive taxes,
>
> the squirrel has to downsize and start building a new home. The local
> authority takes over his old
>
> home and utilises it as a temporary home for asylum-seeking cats, which
> had hijacked a plane to
>
> get to Britain as they had to share their country of origin with mice.
> On arrival, they tried to blow
>
> up the airport because of Britain's apparent love of dogs.
>
> The cats had been arrested for the international offence of hijacking
> and attempt bombing but were
>
> immediately released because the police fed them pilchards instead of
> salmon whilst in custody.
>
> Initial moves to then return them to their own country were abandoned
> because it was feared they
>
> would face death by the mice. The cats devise and start a scam to
> obtain money from other peoples' credit cards.
>
> A Panorama Special shows the grasshopper finishing up the last of the
> squirrel's food, though spring
>
> is still months away, while the council house he is in, crumbles around
> him because he hasn't bothered
>
> to maintain the house. He is shown to be taking drugs. Inadequate
> government funding is blamed for the
>
> grasshopper's drug 'illness'.
>
> The cats seek recompense in the British courts for their treatment
> since arrival in UK.
>
> The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a burglary
> to get money for his drugs habit.
>
> He is imprisoned, but released immediately because he has been in
> custody for a few weeks. He is placed
>
> In the care of the probation service to monitor and supervise him.
> Within a few weeks, he has killed a guinea
>
> pig in a botched robbery. A commission of enquiry, which will
> eventually cost £10m to state the obvious, is set up.
>
> Additional money is put into funding a drug rehabilitation scheme for
> grasshoppers, and legal aid for lawyers
>
> representing asylum seekers is increased. The asylum-seeking cats are
> praised by the government for enriching
>
> Britain's multicultural diversity, while dogs are criticised by the
> government for failing to befriend the cats.
>
> The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose. The usual sections of the
> press blame it on the obvious failure of
>
> government to address the root causes of despair arising from social
> inequity and his traumatic experience of prison.
>
> They call for the resignation of a minister.
>
> The cats are paid £1m each because their rights were infringed when the
> government failed to inform them there
>
> were mice in the United Kingdom.
>
> The squirrel, the dogs, and the victims of the hijacking, the bombing,
> the burglaries and robberies, all have to pay an
>
> additional percentage on their credit cards to cover the losses; their
> taxes are increased to pay for law and order;
>
> and they are told that they will all have to work beyond 65 because of
> a shortfall in government funds.
>
> _____________THE END_______________
>
Sorry about formatting but can't be bothered to sort it out!
>
> The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building
> and improving
>
> his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks
> he's a fool,
>
> and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
>
> Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.
>
> The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the
> cold.
>
> ____________________THE END____________________
>
>
>
> THE BRITISH VERSION:
> (Which could almost have been written by George Orwell)
>
> The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building
> his house and laying
>
> up supplies for the winter.
>
> The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the
> summer away.
>
> Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.
>
> A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls a press
> conference and demands to
>
> know why the squirrel should be allowed to be warm and well fed while
> others less fortunate,
>
> like the grasshopper, are cold and starving.
>
> The BBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper;
> with cuts to a video
>
> of the squirrel in his comfortable warm home with a table laden with
> food.
>
> The British press informs people that they should be ashamed that, in a
> country of such wealth,
>
> this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer while others have plenty.
> The Labour Party, Greenpeace,
>
> Animal Rights and The Grasshopper Council of GB demonstrate in front of
> the squirrel's house.
>
> The BBC, interrupting a cultural festival special from Notting Hill
> with breaking news, broadcasts a
>
> multicultural choir singing "We Shall Overcome". Ken Livingstone rants
> in an interview with Trevor
>
> McDonald that the squirrel has gotten rich off the backs of
> grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate
>
> tax hike on the squirrel to make him pay his "fair share", and
> increases the charge for squirrels to
>
> enter inner London.
>
> In response to pressure from the media, the Government drafts the
> Economic Equity and Grasshopper
>
> Anti-Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of the summer.
> The squirrel's taxes are reassessed.
>
> He is taken to court and fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as
> builders for the work on his home,
>
> with an additional fine for contempt (for telling the court that
> grasshoppers do not want to work).
>
> The grasshopper is provided with a council house, financial aid to
> furnish it, and an account with a
>
> local taxi firm to ensure he can be socially mobile. The squirrel's
> food is seized and re-distributed to
>
> the more needy members of society - in this case, the grasshopper.
>
>
> Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his
> newly-imposed retroactive taxes,
>
> the squirrel has to downsize and start building a new home. The local
> authority takes over his old
>
> home and utilises it as a temporary home for asylum-seeking cats, which
> had hijacked a plane to
>
> get to Britain as they had to share their country of origin with mice.
> On arrival, they tried to blow
>
> up the airport because of Britain's apparent love of dogs.
>
> The cats had been arrested for the international offence of hijacking
> and attempt bombing but were
>
> immediately released because the police fed them pilchards instead of
> salmon whilst in custody.
>
> Initial moves to then return them to their own country were abandoned
> because it was feared they
>
> would face death by the mice. The cats devise and start a scam to
> obtain money from other peoples' credit cards.
>
> A Panorama Special shows the grasshopper finishing up the last of the
> squirrel's food, though spring
>
> is still months away, while the council house he is in, crumbles around
> him because he hasn't bothered
>
> to maintain the house. He is shown to be taking drugs. Inadequate
> government funding is blamed for the
>
> grasshopper's drug 'illness'.
>
> The cats seek recompense in the British courts for their treatment
> since arrival in UK.
>
> The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a burglary
> to get money for his drugs habit.
>
> He is imprisoned, but released immediately because he has been in
> custody for a few weeks. He is placed
>
> In the care of the probation service to monitor and supervise him.
> Within a few weeks, he has killed a guinea
>
> pig in a botched robbery. A commission of enquiry, which will
> eventually cost £10m to state the obvious, is set up.
>
> Additional money is put into funding a drug rehabilitation scheme for
> grasshoppers, and legal aid for lawyers
>
> representing asylum seekers is increased. The asylum-seeking cats are
> praised by the government for enriching
>
> Britain's multicultural diversity, while dogs are criticised by the
> government for failing to befriend the cats.
>
> The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose. The usual sections of the
> press blame it on the obvious failure of
>
> government to address the root causes of despair arising from social
> inequity and his traumatic experience of prison.
>
> They call for the resignation of a minister.
>
> The cats are paid £1m each because their rights were infringed when the
> government failed to inform them there
>
> were mice in the United Kingdom.
>
> The squirrel, the dogs, and the victims of the hijacking, the bombing,
> the burglaries and robberies, all have to pay an
>
> additional percentage on their credit cards to cover the losses; their
> taxes are increased to pay for law and order;
>
> and they are told that they will all have to work beyond 65 because of
> a shortfall in government funds.
>
> _____________THE END_______________
>
Sorry about formatting but can't be bothered to sort it out!
