The random joke thread

[Darth Vodka]

what do you call cheese big enough to hide a small horse behind?




marscapone

 

[Jeff]

marscapone

I thought the joke was something to do with the way you spelt it. But it works better if you spell it correctly. Mascarpone

 

[Blue Maniac]

What do you call cheese that isn't yours?


Nacho cheese

:icon_lol: **** off, that's shit.

 

[Darth Vodka]

I thought the joke was something to do with the way you spelt it. But it works better if you spell it correctly. Mascarpone

couldn't be arsed to look it up

 

[Profondo Rosso]

My racing snail is not winning races anymore, I decided to take his shell off to reduce his weight and make him more aerodynamic. It didn't work, if anything it's made him more sluggish.

 

[fosseboy83]

My racing snail is not winning races anymore, I decided to take his shell off to reduce his weight and make him more aerodynamic. It didn't work, if anything it's made him more sluggish.

boooooooooooooo geroffff:icon_bigg

 

[Darth Vodka]

My racing snail is not winning races anymore, I decided to take his shell off to reduce his weight and make him more aerodynamic. It didn't work, if anything it's made him more sluggish.

So a snail walks into a porsche showroom and says ‘show me your most expensive car’

so the saleman does, then the snail says ‘looks good but can you paint a huge S on the right door? and I want a huge S on left door.’


‘And on the bonnet another huge S sprayed on it, and another on the boot’

so the salesman says ‘sir these are beautiful cars in their own right, why on earth would you want that?’ ‘because when I drive down the street I want everyone to say ‘wow, look at that S car go’’

 

[tedfoxxx]

Ah snail based humour, love it.

 

[homer]

Ah snail based humour, love it.

A man goes to a fancy dress party with a woman tied to his back. When asked what his costume is he replies that he has come as snail
"Who's that strapped to your back then", said the host
"Oh, that's just Michelle"

 

[lazzer]

A man goes to a fancy dress party with a woman tied to his back. When asked what his costume is he replies that he has come as snail
"Who's that strapped to your back then", said the host
"Oh, that's just Michelle"

 

[bocadillo]

What did the slug say to the snail?












"Big Issue?"

 

[Darth Vodka]

What did the slug say to the snail?


"Big Issue?"

knock, knock

who's there?

biggish?

biggish who?

sorry, got no change

 

[Motown Fox]

What do you do when two snails have a fight?

Leave them to slug it out!

A farmer hears a knock at his door late one Winter's night. He opens his door, looks around and looks down and there, at his doorstep, is a snail. The snail says, "Can I come in, I'm really coooooold?"

The Farmer says, "No, get outta here you stupid snail," and kicks him across the garden.

Spring comes, then Summer then Autumn and before you know it, it's Winter again, The farmer hears a knock on his door. He opens the door, looks around and sees that same snail from last year, who says, "What did you do that for?"

Two posties had just gotten off their routes for the day
when one of the posties saw the other step on a snail.
"Why did you step on that snail, Tom?!," asked his perplexed
coworker.
"Cause that darn snail's been following me around work all day!"

 

[Jeff]

So a snail walks into a porsche showroom and says ‘show me your most expensive car’

so the saleman does, then the snail says ‘looks good but can you paint a huge S on the right door? and I want a huge S on left door.’


‘And on the bonnet another huge S sprayed on it, and another on the boot’

so the salesman says ‘sir these are beautiful cars in their own right, why on earth would you want that?’ ‘because when I drive down the street I want everyone to say ‘wow, look at that S car go’’

http://movieclips.com/oL78A-trading-places-movie-the-s-car-go/

 

[RHYDAL]

Why have woman got legs?


Have you seen the mess a snail leaves?

 

[Blue Maniac]

I watched Deja Vu last night.

Wait, I've done this joke before haven't I?

 

[MKFox]

Training at The Walkers was delayed after a player found an unknown white powdery substance on the ground. Practice was suspended while police were called in.
After analysis, experts determined that the white substance, unfamiliar to most of the players was, in fact, the goal line. Practise will resume this afternoon after they decided that the team was unlikely to encounter the sunstance again.

 

[Jeff]

Training at The Walkers was delayed after a player found an unknown white powdery substance on the ground. Practice was suspended while police were called in.
After analysis, experts determined that the white substance, unfamiliar to most of the players was, in fact, the goal line. Practise will resume this afternoon after they decided that the team was unlikely to encounter the sunstance again.

 

[Longcliffe]

My missus was watching cookery programme the other day.

I said, "What are you watching that for? You can't cook".

She said, "You watch porn".

 

[fosseboy83]

My missus was watching cookery programme the other day.

I said, "What are you watching that for? You can't cook".

She said, "You watch porn".

that's not a joke, is it?:icon_wink