The random joke thread

[Longcliffe]

Teacher asks Billy if there are four birds on a tree & one gets shot, how many will be left on the tree? Billy says none, because when you shoot one bird, the rest will fly away. The teacher replies, the answer is three, but I like the way you're thinking. Billy says, let me ask you a question,

There are three women eating ice cream, one biting, one sucking & one licking, which woman is married? The teacher, nervously says the one sucking. Billy says, no the answer is the one with a wedding ring on, but I like the way you're thinking...

 

[tedfoxxx]

Whats white & red and lives in a tree?
















































































A sanitary owl.

 

[Longcliffe]

"My dad has a wierd hobby he collects empty bottles, which sounds so much better than alcoholic"

"I want to donate a large amount of money to a rape clinic and I won't take no for an answer."

"I quit my job at the helium gas factory. I didn't like being spoken to in that voice"

 

[Blue Maniac]

 

[beaumontfox]

This place is fast becoming a joke.....

 

[Longcliffe]

This place is fast becoming a joke.....

Ahh, so you thought them funny then?

 

[bocadillo]

Ahh, so you thought them funny then?

Two out of three ain't bad.

 

[spionfox]

Two out of three ain't bad.

Try singing that song to the missus and then come back on here and tell us what her reaction was :icon_wink

 

[Longcliffe]

I quite agree, that Ted blokes joke was so passe :icon_bigg

 

[Longcliffe]

Try singing that song to the missus and then come back on here and tell us what her reaction was :icon_wink

You mean he has a missus?

 

[bocadillo]

Try singing that song to the missus and then come back on here and tell us what her reaction was :icon_wink

She told me to shut the **** up; she's trying to watch Casualty on iPlayer.

 

[Longcliffe]

I was queuing outside a club with a few friends last night when I got beaten up by a girl.

In my defence, I had stubbed my toe a few weeks earlier.

 

[Longcliffe]

She told me to shut the **** up; she's trying to watch Casualty on iPlayer.

And she talks to you as well.

 

[tedfoxxx]

I quite agree, that Ted blokes joke was so passe :icon_bigg

Its the best I've got.......

 

[The Major]

We Have A Huge Council House In Our Street.

The Extended Family Is Run By A Grumpy Old Woman With A Pack Of Fierce Dogs.

Her Car Isn't Taxed Or Insured, And Doesn't Even Have A Number Plate,
But The Police Still Do Nothing.

Her Bad Tempered Old Man Is Famous For Upsetting Foreigners With Racist Comments.

A Shopkeeper Blames Him For Ordering The Murder Of His Son And His Son's Girlfriend, But Nothing Has Been Proved Yet.

All Their Kids Have Broken Marriages Except The Youngest, Who Everyone Thought Was Gay.

The Two Grandsons Are Meant To Be In The Army But Are Always Seen Out In Nightclubs.

The Family's Odd Antics Are Always In The Papers. They Are Out Of Control. ............








Honestly - who'd live near Buckingham Palace?

 

[Longcliffe]

Glenn Campbells been diagnosed with Alzheimers Disease...

Now he's getting cards & letters from people he doesn't even know

 

[The Major]

Glenn Campbells been diagnosed with Alzheimers Disease...

Now he's getting cards & letters from people he doesn't even know

:icon_bigg

 

[Longcliffe]

A set of jump leads walk into a bar. The bartender says "I'll serve you but don't start anything."

 

[Matt_B]

A set of jump leads walk into a bar. The bartender says "I'll serve you but don't start anything."

Times New Roman walked into a bar; the Batman turned around and said "sorry, we don't serve your type in here"

 

[Cate Fox]

Times New Roman walked into a bar; the Batman turned around and said "sorry, we don't serve your type in here"

The Batman?? :icon_lol: