Babysitting and The Cotton Wool Generation

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Han

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http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-12380329

A mother has been given an official police caution for leaving her 14-year-old son in charge of his three-year-old brother. So at what age can children be left at home alone without parental supervision?

It's a story that would sound alarm bells for many mothers and fathers.

Any parent who sometimes nips out to the shops, leaving their children to look after each other, will take note.

Or with the prospect of a rare night out, the couple that offers £20 to a sensible teenage neighbour in return for keeping an eye on their little ones, may now think again.

A mother-of-three from the Thames Valley area has been cautioned by police after leaving her 14-year-old son at home with his little brother.

Sources quoted in the Sunday Times are reported as saying the mother, in her 40s, was away for 30 minutes, the time passed without "incident" and the toddler was never in any danger.

It's very rare to hear about cases like this, but is 14 too young to be babysitting and might more parents find themselves facing a caution?

At the heart of this is what all parents of teenagers - and anyone who has ever been a teenager - knows, that one 14-year-old can differ dramatically from another in their maturity and reliability.

The law on this is vague but the police can - and do - use their discretion in judging these cases.

There is no minimum age at which children can be left on their own, nor does the law specify how old someone needs to be to babysit. However, if the babysitter is under 16, then the parent remains legally responsible for the child's safety.

And, under the Children and Young Persons Act, parents can be prosecuted for wilful neglect if they leave a child unsupervised "in a manner likely to cause unnecessary suffering or injury to health". Punishment ranges from a fine to 10 years' imprisonment.

Without legally specified ages to guide them, parents may be left scratching their heads over this grey area.

But children's charity, the NSPCC, advises that children under 13 should not be left at home alone for long periods and children under 16 should not be put in charge of younger children.

Chris Cloke, from the NSPCC, says calls to its Childline helpline showed that being left alone to look after young children can be distressing - one 10-year-old boy called to say he had no idea how to comfort his younger brother to stop him crying.

But Mr Cloke acknowledges the difficulties facing parents making the judgement call.

"What parents need to do is move their children on so they become more independent and of course it's a question of striking the right balance.

"What's really important is that parents talk through with their children, discuss the issues and if they are going to leave them at home alone make sure the child feels happy about that and feels confident and knows what to do and who to contact if there's an emergency."

Jacqui Gilliatt, a family law barrister, says there are difficulties with bringing in an age barrier as it would only ever be arbitrary and you will never eliminate the need for agencies or authorities to step in if something came to light.

She points out that parents do not have to accept a caution, which indicates an admission of guilt. Instead, she advises seeking legal advice and perhaps putting the case before a magistrate.

Justine Roberts, of Mumsnet website, also accepts there probably isn't a right age.

"Some Mumsnetters report having children who will never be sufficiently competent to look after a sibling - even when fully grown - but others have 12-year-olds who are hugely responsible."

Many mothers on Mumsnet mention their own experiences of babysitting, often for money, from the age of 12 and in some cases younger.

One highlights how attitudes are different in Germany and Switzerland where children commonly walk to school alone from the age of six. The mother also says she leaves her eight-year-old and six-year-old children at home when she goes shopping.

Another says the police caution is ridiculous and asks whether a 15-year-old mother can't look after her own child unsupervised?

Ms Roberts adds: "Ultimately the parents are the best judges, as they know both the caring child and one being cared for - and what their limits are."

Child development specialist and author of Toxic Childhood Sue Palmer argues that parents, as well as too much legislation in the UK, are part of the problem.

"Children are becoming less competent because they are being treated like carefully protected pets.

"Unless you let them take on chores and take responsibility for their own behaviour and learn to deal with real time, space and people, you won't be able to leave them in charge of another child."

But she also says such state interference, including the recent threat of more criminal record checks for people working with children, means people are ceasing to use common sense and losing their own ability to judge other human beings.

"We are almost legislating ourselves into a world built on accountability procedures and bureaucracy and statistics, and that's a very unpleasant world."

And this is, she says, fast making the UK a laughing stock among its European neighbours, where a 14-year-old in charge of a three-year-old is considered normal behaviour.

(sorry for the long quote)

I just thought I'd raise this for debate, and have a bit of a rant at the same time. I'm not just talking about the case above, but also the general "kids must be wrapped up in cotton wool" feeling that seems to be working it's way into life.

I feel sorry for kids that aren't allowed to get dirty or play in mud, ride bikes on their own, venture out of sight, playfight, eat shitty food (in moderation).

Doing these things are what makes us learn some key skills for life, aren't they? How else do we get 'street smart'? The lady at the end of the article seems to have the right idea.

I hear examples all the time, there's a colleague of mine who doesn't like to allow her 16 year old daughter catch buses on her own. Then another who doesn't let her 13 year old son walk the 0.5 mile journey from school by himself.

Hearing examples of what kids can/can't do nowadays makes me cringe. It makes me feel pleased to have my less-than-perfect upbringing.

Is it all to do with the media, or the government, scaremongering?
 
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I feel sorry for kids that aren't allowed to get dirty or play in mud, ride bikes on their own, venture out of sight, playfight, eat shitty food (in moderation).

Totally agree.

It's things like that that have helped make me what I am today :icon_eek:
 
Agree with your overall point about molly-coddling the youth of today, Han, but leaving a three year old child in the care of a 14 year old is just common or garden neglect of the highest order
 
Agree with your overall point about molly-coddling the youth of today, Han, but leaving a three year old child in the care of a 14 year old is just common or garden neglect of the highest order

for half hour, behave.
 
for half hour, behave.

Don't care how long it was - unless it was an absolute emergency, with no other choice, she was in the wrong

Probably nipping out for eight ace and pack of fags
 
People were saying on the BBC that no-one should be left alone until they were 16. Sixteen!

I think a 3yo is too young to be left with a 14yo for long periods, but anyone over about 10yo should be fine to leave at home for short periods, and I'd probably be happy about leaving my 14yo in charge of a 3yo for 30mins given that everyone has mobiles.
 
Don't care how long it was - unless it was an absolute emergency, with no other choice, she was in the wrong

Probably nipping out for eight ace and pack of fags

I find myself in the strange position of agreeing with Homer :). Who knows what could happen in that 30 minutes - a fire, the baby waking up upset, it choking on something.

The whole idea of leaving someone 'in charge' is that they should be able to cope with an emergency - a 14 year old is not who i would want looking after my little un!
 
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I started babysitting at 14yrs old; it was the only way I could afford to do anything as my parents gave me a very small amount of pocket money. I never had any major problems with the kids I looked after, and the small ones were easily dealt with.

I was also left home alone to look after my younger brother (7yrs younger) and sister (3yrs younger) from the age of about 12. I can honestly say that the only danger any one of them ever faced was the serious beating me and my bro wished to give the sister for being an obnoxious and annoying WUM.
 
Surely it depends on the 14 year old?

Not wishing to upset anyone or be rude...there has to be a line in the sand so to speak and in my opinion it should be 16.

I started babysitting at 14yrs old; it was the only way I could afford to do anything as my parents gave me a very small amount of pocket money. I never had any major problems with the kids I looked after, and the small ones were easily dealt with.

I was also left home alone to look after my younger brother (7yrs younger) and sister (3yrs younger) from the age of about 12. I can honestly say that the only danger any one of them ever faced was the serious beating me and my bro wished to give the sister for being an obnoxious and annoying WUM.

If there was a fire could you have dealt with it as well as you would have done were you 16? Plus, i'm guessing you babysitting at the age of 12 was a few years ago when it was more acceptable - society and standards have moved on.
 
Not wishing to upset anyone or be rude...there has to be a line in the sand so to speak and in my opinion it should be 16.

I've known plenty of 16 year olds that shouldn't be trusted with their own safety, let alon others.

If there was a fire could you have dealt with it as well as you would have done were you 16? Plus, i'm guessing you babysitting at the age of 12 was a few years ago when it was more acceptable - society and standards have moved on.

But why is that? What makes today's children more precious than those in previous generations?

It seems to me that people are also scared of being judged by friends, family or outsiders on the way they 'look after' their children.

From when I was in junior school, certainly the last couple of years (say 10 years old) I would have been out of the house for most of the day with friends, and our parents wouldn't have the foggiest where we had got to. Does that mean we were being neglected? Should we have had a 16 year old with us just in case?
 
Surely it depends on the 14 year old?

That's my view on it. Though the world we now live in is obsessed with nonces and children being made of fine china...if anything goes wrong its the authorities fault
 
I hear examples all the time, there's a colleague of mine who doesn't like to allow her 16 year old daughter catch buses on her own. Then another who doesn't let her 13 year old son walk the 0.5 mile journey from school by himself.

Depends on the area you live in Han. I don't think I would want a 16 year old male or female to catch buses in certain parts of this city and county. My friends 16 year old son was set upon and mobile and money stolen from him whilst waiting at a bus stop, another friends daughter was punched in the face (for no reason at all)as a group of youths got off the bus. I am sure there are many more examples of this kind of thing. Also with girls there are more serious crimes that can occur. If you are happy taking that chance then fair enough. I take it you don't have children.
You will always try to get your children from being in these situations, even when they are older than 16.
 
I've known plenty of 16 year olds that shouldn't be trusted with their own safety, let alon others.

But why is that? What makes today's children more precious than those in previous generations?

It seems to me that people are also scared of being judged by friends, family or outsiders on the way they 'look after' their children.

From when I was in junior school, certainly the last couple of years (say 10 years old) I would have been out of the house for most of the day with friends, and our parents wouldn't have the foggiest where we had got to. Does that mean we were being neglected? Should we have had a 16 year old with us just in case?

I agree that some are more mature, but surely there needs to be an age set?

Your second point is irrelevant as you are knowingly putting someone in danger with a 14 year old babysitter whereas kids going out to play *should be* a natural thing.

*I say should be as there is no way on feckin earth i would let my son play out in Camberwell where we live, even at 16*
 
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*I say should be as there is no way on feckin earth i would let my son play out in Camberwell where we live, even at 16*


exactly my point as well CF. As a parent you have to make tough decisions regarding your children.
 
as the mother's name has been kept back because of the kids, the press are unaccountable and can make up any old bollocks.
Where social services are quite happy for a 14 year old mother to be left alone with their baby, I'm sure there is a lot more that we don't know about this case.

I would leave my 13 year old daughter in charge of a 3 year old any time. She's got much more sense than the majority of so called grown ups!
 
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I agree that some are more mature, but surely there needs to be an age set?

Why does there need to be an arbitrary date set? Who gets to decide when the date is? What possible benefit would it bring?

The safety of the child is paramount, not the ****ing star sign of the person caring for them.

I know of twelve year olds more than capable of minding a child for 1/2 an hour. I also know 20 year olds incapable of minding themselves, nevermind anybody else
 
Why does there need to be an arbitrary date set? Who gets to decide when the date is? What possible benefit would it bring?

The safety of the child is paramount, not the ****ing star sign of the person caring for them.

I know of twelve year olds more than capable of minding a child for 1/2 an hour. I also know 20 year olds incapable of minding themselves, nevermind anybody else

In order to control something there needs to be a control point, in this instance (and in my opinion) the minimum age should be 16. The star sign is irrelevant other than when the person is born.

There are of course window lickers of all ages, children better than adults in babsitting and so on. If the age is set to 16 and an accident happens when someone gets hurt and the babysitter is <16 then the parents are culpable in my opinion. In other such cases *adults* (the parents) should be able to make a decision as to whether they want to leave their kids with someone who is 16 or above and clearly not capable.
 
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