Best Put Downs

[Hammond Organ]

Here for all your favourite retorts and come-backs to hecklers you have ever heard/read.

Starter for 10:-

Phil Jupitus to heckler asking him why he was so fat

'Because every time I **** your wife she gives me a biscuit'

 

[Melton Fox]

Bono on stage at a gig; "Everytime I clap my hands like this (1,2,3..) a child in Africa dies.

Gig goer: "Well stop ****ing doing it then"

 

[spionfox]

I wouldn't **** you with Meltons.

 

[Hammond Organ]

Bono on stage at a gig; "Everytime I clap my hands like this (1,2,3..) a child in Africa dies.

Gig goer: "Well stop ****ing doing it then"

:icon_lol:

Audience member 'why don't you try being funny?'

Billy Connolly 'Don't tell me how to do my job! I don't come to your work and tell you how to sweep up'

 

[M17TT C]

Dogs are always my favourite - useless, thick, retarded creatures!

 

[Macky]

Dogs are always my favourite - useless, thick, retarded creatures!

eh??? Wrong thread perhaps?

 

[M17TT C]

eh??? Wrong thread perhaps?

No.

 

[Melton Fox]

No.

I seen it :icon_razz

 

[Macky]

No.

I don't believe you

 

[Macky]

I seen it :icon_razz

No you didn't you liar.

 

[Melton Fox]

No you didn't you liar.

I did, I'm a good seer, at school I won stickers for being a good seer.

 

[Macky]

I did, I'm a good seer, at school I won stickers for being a good seer.

I won a tin of mixed fruit in a school raffle, the only thing I've ever won in my life and it was one of those shitty tombola raffles where everybody won something.

Some other lad, who I didn't like, won the leather football that I had my eye on, ****.
So I hit him on the head with my tin of ****ing mixed fruit and fecked the football off of him.
I got in a whole heap of trouble.

*edit* Just remembered I also won €20 on the lotto a year or so ago, so I lied when I said it was the only thing I've ever won.

 

[Macky]

I reckon I could have a career as an after dinner speaker with delightful anecdotes like that.

 

[MKFox]

Here for all your favourite retorts and come-backs to hecklers you have ever heard/read.

Starter for 10:-

Phil Jupitus to heckler asking him why he was so fat

'Because every time I **** your wife she gives me a biscuit'

Thought that was Glen McGrath to eddo brandes?

 

[MKFox]

I won a tin of mixed fruit in a school raffle, the only thing I've ever won in my life and it was one of those shitty tombola raffles where everybody won something.

I won a winnie the pooh tapestry kit in my son's school raffle this christmas.....

scrotes, they even clapped me as I donated it back to the cause.

 

[Macky]

I won a winnie the pooh tapestry kit in my son's school raffle this christmas.....

scrotes, they even clapped me as I donated it back to the cause.

Bastard, I've always wanted one of those.
I'm gonna pray to Holy Santa tonight and if I'm good he might bring me one.
Are there any raffle tickets left? I'm feeling lucky

 

[MKFox]

Bastard, I've always wanted one of those.
I'm gonna pray to Holy Santa tonight and if I'm good he might bring me one.
Are there any raffle tickets left? I'm feeling lucky

'fraid not, however, I fancy it'll turn up again next year..

 

[homer]

Bastard, I've always wanted one of those.
I'm gonna pray to Holy Santa tonight and if I'm good he might bring me one.
Are there any raffle tickets left? I'm feeling lucky

If you had mocked the muslims in that way you would now be lying on a slab with your throat cut and having been disembowelled and your cobblers hacked off and sold for earrings

 

[MKFox]

do people have ears that small?

 

[highland fox]

I reckon I could have a career as an after dinner speaker with delightful anecdotes like that.

I did an after dinner once with Bill Oddie...