Can I own a Canadian?

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Cate Fox

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Something that Macky and other religion bashers may appreciate... :icon_bigg

In her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, written by a US man, and posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination ... End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of Menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I'm confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your adoring fan.

James M. Kauffman, Ed.D. Professor Emeritus,
Dept. Of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special Education
University of Virginia

PS (It would be a damn shame if we couldn't own a Canadian)
 
:icon_lol: I can haz Candian
What's not to love about the absurdity of religion?



well, apart from all the death, destruction and misery, but it is a constant source of amusement
 
:icon_lol: I can haz Candian
What's not to love about the absurdity of religion?



well, apart from all the death, destruction and misery, but it is a constant source of amusement

I actually LOL'd when reading it for the first time... I knew you'd appreciate it.
 
:icon_lol: I can haz Candian
What's not to love about the absurdity of religion?



well, apart from all the death, destruction and misery, but it is a constant source of amusement

I had some Johavahs Witness' round at the weekend who wanted me to take a magazine that asked the question...."Is Relgion the answer to world peace." I immeadiately thought of you and burst out laughing.:icon_lol::icon_lol:
 
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I had some Johavahs Witness' round at the weekend who wanted me to take a magazine that asked the question...."Is Relgion the answer to world peace." I immeadiately thought of you and burst out laughing.:icon_lol::icon_lol:

You should ask them in and then make a big deal of locking the door behind them.
 
I had some Johavahs Witness' round at the weekend who wanted me to take a magazine that asked the question...."Is Relgion the answer to world peace." I immeadiately thought of you and burst out laughing.:icon_lol::icon_lol:

:icon_lol:

You have to ask why on Earth that particular group of dribbling retards would care about world peace, according to them we are in the last gasps of civilisation and Jesus is about to return* any day now to bring them all off to Heaven.
Mind you, they've been expectantly anticipating his arrival for about 150 years, but still. Any day now Jebus.



*Using the word 'return' is technically incorrect because that presumes that he ever existed in the first place, of which there is zero evidence.
 
I quite like point number 4 - especially the thought of being able to smite my neighbours...perhaps he'll stop using the power drill at 11pm then.
 
Don't be silly, there's loads of evidence. It's all in the new testament.

:icon_bigg If that counts as 'evidence' that must also mean that Harry Potter is real.

YAY!!! Let's all get broomsticks!
 
:icon_lol:

You have to ask why on Earth that particular group of dribbling retards would care about world peace, according to them we are in the last gasps of civilisation and Jesus is about to return* any day now to bring them all off to Heaven.
Mind you, they've been expectantly anticipating his arrival for about 150 years, but still. Any day now Jebus.



*Using the word 'return' is technically incorrect because that presumes that he ever existed in the first place, of which there is zero evidence.

I agree with this, even tho you have got 2 points incorrect. Not wanting to start an argument or debate but they don't believe in the second coming, not in a physical sense anyway, also they don't believe they are all going to heaven, only a select number, the rest live on a cleansed* earth.

And before you ask, no I am not one of them, I think religion is a farce and I turned my back on it many years ago for personal reasons. However my family are, more fool them.

* 'cleansed' meaning us heathens are wiped away for our numerous sins :)
 
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I agree with this, even tho you have got 2 points incorrect. Not wanting to start an argument or debate but they don't believe in the second coming, not in a physical sense anyway, also they don't believe they are all going to heaven, only a select number, the rest live on a cleansed* earth.

And before you ask, no I am not one of them, I think religion is a farce and I turned my back on it many years ago for personal reasons. However my family are, more fool them.

* 'cleansed' meaning us heathens are wiped away for our numerous sins :)

So, to be fair, it was just technical definitions I was mistaken on, so the two points were more 'not quite correct' as opposed to 'incorrect' :icon_wink and I knew it was some wackjob idea of paradise that they had, but just couldn't be arsed checking it.

Congratulations on escaping though B3 :038:
 
I agree with this, even tho you have got 2 points incorrect. Not wanting to start an argument or debate but they don't believe in the second coming, not in a physical sense anyway, also they don't believe they are all going to heaven, only a select number, the rest live on a cleansed* earth.

And before you ask, no I am not one of them, I think religion is a farce and I turned my back on it many years ago for personal reasons. However my family are, more fool them.

* 'cleansed' meaning us heathens are wiped away for our numerous sins :)


I used to work for a familiy run business of jo-vo's. One is brown bread now as he wrapped his porsche around a lamp post and they refused a blood transfusion for him. I remember thinking what god could could encourage a human being to stand around and watch their children die before them.Not that they are any different to the others but I always wonder come the day after religious cleansing if they are going to be licking their heels with no doors to knock on.
 
So, to be fair, it was just technical definitions I was mistaken on, so the two points were more 'not quite correct' as opposed to 'incorrect' :icon_wink and I knew it was some wackjob idea of paradise that they had, but just couldn't be arsed checking it.

Congratulations on escaping though B3 :038:

Ok fair point, not quite right then :icon_wink

And thank you, was prob the best decision I have ever made :icon_bigg

I used to work for a familiy run business of jo-vo's. One is brown bread now as he wrapped his porsche around a lamp post and they refused a blood transfusion for him. I remember thinking what god could could encourage a human being to stand around and watch their children die before them.Not that they are any different to the others but I always wonder come the day after religious cleansing if they are going to be licking their heels with no doors to knock on.

Was it in Leicester? What was the family name?

See, this is one of the reasons I packed it in, I could never watch a family member or friend die like that, I just cant get my head around it.

Plus the cherry picking of things from the Bible that are taken literally and the things that are not. The blind faith that is needed, 'We believe such and such is so.....' but why, wheres the evidence? 'We don't need evidence, we just believe' Then sorry, but I'm afraid you are blinded and just a robot follower.

And most of all the Hypocrisy. They are told that that sex outside of wedlock is wrong, fair enough if that's what you want to do, but the amount of people I knew or heard of having affairs, one night stands etc, and they were the first to shout if they knew of someone else. Violence is wrong and God hates it! So why in the Bible does he slaughter thousands because he is jealous?! Oh and they are told witch-craft and magic is wrong and to avoid such things as Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings..... erm, excuse me, have you ever read Revelations?

And that's just 3 points. Don't get me wrong, I love my family very much, and if that's what they want to believe and follow then fair enough and I wont have a bad word said against them, but I'm sorry but no, not for me I'm afraid.
 
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I quite like the sound of them

Where can I join up ?
 
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