My wedding speech

[fcukcov]

Well in just over a weeks time i have to make my wedding speech and I have no feckin clue what to say. So any help would be much appreciated.


Cheers fcukcov.

 

[beaumontfox]

Make sure you say how great her mum and dad are..........even if you don't mean it....

 

[homer]

Just sob uncontrollably for 15 straight minutes and then sit down

 

[fcukcov]

Make sure you say how great her mum and dad are..........even if you don't mean it....

I have to say how beautiful my birde looks as well, is it right to lie so many times in one day?

 

[fcukcov]

Just sob uncontrollably for 15 straight minutes and then sit down

sometimes homer you are a wanker and then sometimes you do strike comedy gold.

 

[MKFox]

Just sob uncontrollably for 15 straight minutes and then sit down

yeah, that's what the next 20 years will be like.....

 

[fcukcov]

yeah, that's what the next 20 years will be like.....

20 years, i wasnt planning on it being that long, im hoping for death or divorce before 10 are out.

 

[MKFox]

divorce is too expensive and the odds on who will die are generally in the wife's favour....

 

[Dour]

Talking about the first time you got her to agree to anal sex is probably a no-no.



Especially since most of your mates were there before you.

 

[fosseboy83]

divorce is too expensive and the odds on who will die are generally in the wife's favour....

why is she on your TB Death list?:icon_bigg

 

[fcukcov]

Talking about the first time you got her to agree to anal sex is probably a no-no.



Especially since most of your mates were there before you.

you dont know how close to the truth you are dour.

 

[Lako42]

you dont know how close to the truth you are dour.

after that id be questioning the whole wedding

 

[Macky]

sometimes homer you are a wanker and then sometimes you do strike comedy gold.

50% of that sentence is correct.

 

[fcukcov]

50% of that sentence is correct.

I wont ask which 50%.

 

[Dour]

after that id be questioning the whole wedding

Go easy. It's his mates - he doesn't know I've been there too.

 

[Siouxsie]

sensible answer:

I wouldn't worry too much as the groom isn't expected to be funny, that's the best man's job.

If it's a formal affair from what I remember traditionally the groom's speech includes thanking his parents and his bride's parents (if applicable of course) for their love and support, his wife for having him (some mushy bit about how happy she's made him etc), thanking the guests for coming and their presents, perhaps mentioning absent friends/ rellies, and generally ends by complimenting the bridesmaids on their appearance and thanks them.

Write down what you are going to say and practise it. Then make short notes like cue cards for the day.

Smile, enjoy it and don't drink too much until afterwards!!


Good luck.

 

[fcukcov]

sensible answer:

I wouldn't worry too much as the groom isn't expected to be funny, that's the best man's job.

If it's a formal affair from what I remember traditionally the groom's speech includes thanking his parents and his bride's parents (if applicable of course) for their love and support, his wife for having him (some mushy bit about how happy she's made him etc), thanking the guests for coming and their presents, perhaps mentioning absent friends/ rellies, and generally ends by complimenting the bridesmaids on their appearance and thanks them.

Write down what you are going to say and practise it. Then make short notes like cue cards for the day.

Smile, enjoy it and don't drink too much until afterwards!!


Good luck.

cheers me duck.

 

[Melton Fox]

I didn't have any speeches at my wedding. The only people that enjoy wedding speeches are those that enjoy looking at other peoples photo albums, and no way was I catering for those ****ers.

What's the last thing you want to do after your wedding meal,? I know, listening to some boring **** in a monotone voice cracking shit jokes about the bride's uncle Ted in Malta in 1984. What's even worse if is if the best man pulls a pair of the bride's knickers out of his pocket and surprisingly says "Oops, how did they get there?".

It's all been done a million times before and it's all ****ing shite

That was my only demand for the day, no ****ing speeches. Oh, and that my soon-to-be-wife didn't turn up, but I knew that was asking too much.

Waste of time Leroy, don't bother.

 

[OldGit]

You are supposed to say something nice about the bridesmaids (in the context of the day, that is, not about any previous experience you may have had with them.

A mate of mine got an embarassed silence when he siad "I must comment how beautiful the bridesmaids look in their magnificent outfits. Almost as beautiful as they did last night without them"

 

[Melton Fox]

"I must comment how beautiful the bridesmaids look in their magnificent outfits. Almost as beautiful as they did last night without them"

Thanks for supporting my post OG :icon_wink