Home Truths

[MKFox]

Mine were from an email.

Some belters in there

 

[RHYDAL]

44. Personal trainer you say? £30 for half an hour you say? Here's a thought....run 5 miles, do 100 sit ups, 100 press ups and when you can do it easily increase by 10% you clueless rag.

45. I have nothing but violent contempt for those who queue at the train barrier and only when they get to it do they start rummaging in their handbag for their ticket, block everyone else and then pull out yesterday's and giggle with the guard. It's coming, and soon.

46. It may be good for the garden, but it's the middle of frigging July and I should be sat in the cafe quarter, with my shades on, dogging the talent you dopey coffin dodger.

47. AMD or Intel. Plasma or LCD. MP3 or I-Pod. There are no guarantees and don't blame me if your technophobia fcuks you in the arse once you finally make a decision my friend.

48. You may have nothing better to do while you're driving than give me a call to discuss what we're gonna do on the weekend, but I prefer not to walk around Sainsbury's trying to make out what you're saying above the engine and road noise while the signal drops in and out worrying about the next sound being screeching brakes and a dull thud followed by static. Don't take it personally when I hang up.

49. I guess what you're saying is interesting but all I'm hearing is "Suck my tits, suck my tits".

50. Your boyfriend just qualified as an accountant. You have been on the pill for 7 years and suddenly you're pregnant. Accident? I think not.

 

[RHYDAL]

51. You announce a signing only to have 11th hour interest from another club scupper the deal. Here's a thought, complete the signing before announcing it you fecking publicity seeking div.

52. Happended again you say. See 51 Dory.

 

[RHYDAL]

53. Your t-shirt may say "LIttle Miss Perfect", but your body is yelling "Big Fat ****"

54. I can assure you that I am not in your target demographic.

55. Ladies, you are not on guard duty so please dont stand in the doorway.

56. No I'm not excited about the new John Lewis store.

57. How, exactly, is getting my passport photo signed by a recently arrived Indian doctor, helping to prove my identity?

58. My Sky HD box cost £99 and you want to sell me a 12 month repair contract at £9 a month? Is this a wind up?

59. Alex is right about tits.

60. New car or holiday. Not both love.