Melton's 'what did you get for xmas' thread.

[newtonfox]

A merkin (first use, according to the OED, 1617) is a pubic wig, originally worn by prostitutes after shaving their genitalia to eliminate lice or disguise the marks of syphilis.

According to Wikipedia - You'd better put them right so that more fools don't think the wrong thing.

A vertical aerodynamic fin called the Merkin first saw its use in Formula One on the Williams FW22A (2000) (as named by Chief Aerodynamicist Geoff Willis), although this name was changed to the more common name of "Forward Guide Vane" after higher authorities found out its true meaning.

"Merkin" is also used to refer to a male sex-toy in the humorous novels of Tom Sharpe. Both the Shorter Oxford English Dictionary and The Joy of Sex define the Merkin as an "artificial vagina."[4]

In gay slang, "merkin" may refer to a man who acts as the date for, or even marries, a lesbian — usually for the purpose of making her appear heterosexual for various social reasons.[5] It is a humorous variant on the term "beard", meaning a false date or romantic partner designed to mislead others about the nature of a relationship, and/or to conceal someone's sexual orientation.


Wikipedia suggests these as alternate definitions.

you want one,dont you . :icon_lol::icon_lol:

 

[FIF]

an aerodynamic fin?

not got much use for one

 

[Macky]

A merkin (first use, according to the OED, 1617) is a pubic wig, originally worn by prostitutes after shaving their genitalia to eliminate lice or disguise the marks of syphilis.

According to Wikipedia - You'd better put them right so that more fools don't think the wrong thing.

That's great FIF, as I said, they're nothing to do with prostitutes, it's just a fanny wig and they're worn by lots of women who've never had pubic lice.

But if you insist that they're for prostitutes because of some apocryphal story from the 17th century then that's as good as fact for me.

I'm trying to find Louise's phone number so that I can tell her to stop wearing hers. She'll be shocked when I tell her that it means she's a prostitute, she thinks she's a quantity surveyor!

 

[The Major]

I'm trying to find Louise's phone number so that I can tell her to stop wearing hers. She'll be shocked when I tell her that it means she's a prostitute, she thinks she's a quantity surveyor!

Why does she wear a wig down there? Is her hairline receding or summat?

 

[newtonfox]

Why does she wear a wig down there? Is her hairline receding or summat?

:icon_lol::icon_lol::icon_lol: No but she found a crack

 

[Macky]

Why does she wear a wig down there? Is her hairline receding or summat?

No, she shaves her minge and has a selection of different coloured merkins that she likes to wear for her boyfriend, I believe he's very fond of the Union flag one.
I hope they don't take the news that she's actually a prostitute too badly.

 

[newtonfox]

No, she shaves her minge and has a selection of different coloured merkins that she likes to wear for her boyfriend, I believe he's very fond of the Union flag one.
I hope they don't take the news that she's actually a prostitute too badly.

Time heals all (or so they say) :icon_wink

 

[The Major]

I believe he's very fond of the Union flag one.

There've been ****s hiding behind that for years.

 

[Macky]

There've been ****s hiding behind that for years.

Now you see if I'd have posted that I'd be accused of being on one of my 'bent Irish crusades', whatever the **** one of those is.

 

[The Major]

Now you see if I'd have posted that I'd be accused of being on one of my 'bent Irish crusades', whatever the **** one of those is.

Let's all be friends

 

[FIF]

Now you see if I'd have posted that I'd be accused of being on one of my 'bent Irish crusades', whatever the **** one of those is.

 

[Dour]

A merkin (first use, according to the OED, 1617) is a pubic wig, originally worn by prostitutes after shaving their genitalia to eliminate lice or disguise the marks of syphilis.

According to Wikipedia - You'd better put them right so that more fools don't think the wrong thing.

Wikipedia is often complete shite. Here's what the OED actually says:

1. An artificial covering of hair for the female pubic region; a pubic wig for women. Also: an artificial vagina.

1617 J. TAYLOR Three Weekes Observ. in Wks. (1630) III. 94/2 A thousand hogsheads then would haunt his firkin, And Mistris Minks recouer her lost mirkin.
1658 J. ELIOT Poems 60 Those orient teeth, and that her Flaxen hair, One of her legs, a Merkin too it's said Each night commited are unto her Maid.
1660 Mercurius Fumig. No. 7. 56 The last week was lost a Merkin in the Coven-Garden.
1714 A. SMITH Lives Highwaymen II. 151 This put a strange Whim in his Head; which was, to get the hairy circle of her Merkin... This he dry'd well, and comb'd out, and then return'd to the Cardinall, telling him, he had brought St. Peter's Beard.
1796 Grose's Classical Dict. Vulgar Tongue (ed. 3), Merkin, counterfeit hair for women's privy parts.
1886 R. F. BURTON Terminal Ess. in tr. Arabian Nights' Entertainm. X. 239 For the use of men they have the ‘merkin’, a heart-shaped article of thin skin stuffed with cotton and slit with an artificial vagina.
1916 C. PORTER Finale, Act 1 (song) in R. Kimball Compl. Lyrics C. Porter (1983) 37/1 Though she were disguised in twice as many Wigs Chignons Toupées Transformations Or Early English merkins, My eagle eye would have no difficulty in detecting her as being none other than Sarah Perkins.
1962 E. WILSON Night Thoughts 203 Said Philip Sydney, buttoning his jerkin ‘Allow me, darling: you have dropped your merkin.’
1973 T. PYNCHON Gravity's Rainbow (1981) I. 95 He wears a false **** and merkin of sable both handcrafted in Berlin by the notorious Mme. Ophir, the mock labia and bright purple clitoris molded of..synthetic rubber.
1995 Guardian 1 Nov. II. 13/5 David Baddiel omitted to explain the function of pubic wigs, or merkins as they were known, in Charles II's debauched era.
2. slang in later use. The female genitals; = MALKIN n. 1b. Obs.

1656 R. FLETCHER tr. Martial Epigrams X. xc. 95 Why dost thou reach thy Merkin now half dust? Why dost provoke the ashes of thy lust?
1671 S. SKINNER Etymol. Linguæ Anglicanæ, Merkin, Pubes mulieris.
a1687 C. COTTON Poems (1689) 189 By these the true colour one can no more know, Than by Mouse-skins above stairs the Merkin below.
c1750 in H. Shields Old Dublin Songs (1988) 19 Now as the warm water was working The sea crab did struggle the more And caught her fast hold by her merking.
1874 Hotten's Slang Dict. (rev. ed.) 224 Merkin, a term usually applied to a woman's privities. Originally false hair for those parts.
3. = MALKIN n. 3b. Obs. rare.

1802 C. JAMES New Mil. Dict., Merkin, a mop to clean cannon.

 

[Dour]

And, oddly enough, the wiki definition completely ignores the most common contemporary use:

[Alteration of AMERICAN n. (probably after U.S. pronunciation), perhaps partly punningly after MERKIN n.1
For earlier evidence for an aphetic spoken form of AMERICAN adj. compare the following:
1872 J. FORSTER Life Dickens I. 333 The ‘Merrikin’ government have treated him, he says, most liberally and handsomely in every respect.]

An American. Also: American English.

1990 Re: Interesting Idioms in rec.sport.soccer (Usenet newsgroup) 1 Feb., Well, not always. Andy Roxburgh is Scotlands coach, we have no manager the noo. What's 'merkin for ‘booked’, or alternatively, ‘Right, sonwalk!’ 1992 Re: RFD: sci.cryonics in news.groups (Usenet newsgroup) 27 May, To me, cryonics means fridges etc (sorry ‘refrigerators’ to you 'merkins). 1993 Star Tribune (Minneapolis) 26 Sept. 24A, Computer software [in Portugal] is in ‘Merkin’ (American English), and so are a lot of the courses at the Institute of Technology at the University of Lisboa. 1994 Morning Call (Allentown, Pa.) 21 Aug. B3 Black related an anecdote about touring the South back in the 1960s when his group [sc. Jay and the Americans] was referred to as ‘Jay and the Merkins’. 1994 W. SAFIRE in N.Y. Times Mag. 11 Sept. 45/1 Americans have seized on this Britishism, which has become the most important contribution of the mother country to the lingo we call Merkin since not to worry and spot on. 1999 Sun-Sentinel (Fort Lauderdale, Florida) (Nexis) 14 May 15 L.A. is only marginally American. It's a modern-day Babel, where it's the ‘real merkins’ who must feel linguistically and culturally alienated.

And comes up with some bonkers etymology compared to the OED:

[Probably originally a variant of MALKIN n.,{pet-form of Maud} or < a parallel pet-form of the female forename Mary (compare the Middle English surnames Marekin, Marykin).]

****ing Americans.

 

[Macky]

And comes up with some bonkers etymology compared to the OED

A hairy-Mary, makes sense to me :icon_lol:

 

[Dour]

A hairy-Mary, makes sense to me :icon_lol:

Well, indeed. Better then the Wikinonsense:

Houghton Mifflin's American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language, 4th edition describes the term's etymology as stemming from an "alteration of obsolete malkin, lower-class woman, mop, from Middle English; from Malkin, diminutive of the personal name Matilda."

 

[Jeff]

I thought a merkin is what George W Bush says his nationality is.

 

[Cate Fox]

I thought a merkin is what George W Bush says his nationality is.

:icon_lol: nice one Jeff :icon_lol:

 

[homer]

What about the worst present you got?

Can't beat one of mine

Some copper tape slug repellent

Cheers for that..........

 

[spionfox]

Some copper tape slug repellent

An ex-girlfriend trying to tell you something

:icon_wink

 

[newtonfox]

An ex-girlfriend trying to tell you something

:icon_wink

no his wife :icon_lol: :icon_wink