Mental Health, Reaching Out & the Kindness of Strangers

[SilverFox]

Hello everyone. I posted yesterday that I wanted to stop using the forum because I’m struggling with my mental health and I’ve identified time spent online as a trigger for that.

Well firstly I just wanted to say thank you for all of the support and advice. I’m touched (DON’T) and I think I’d taken for granted, or never really realised what a decent bunch of people you are. I don’t find much time to socialise and I don’t have many friends so it really, genuinely means a lot to read such nice comments and messages.

I don’t use social media so this has been one of the few outlets I have for thoughts and what have you. I think as was pointed out in the thread that Talkingballs perhaps isn’t part of the problem, but I do intend to temper my use of the internet because you’re never far from the doom and gloom and squabbling of modern news, commentary and culture wars. I’m genuinely open to advice of that nature, I can see that a bit of a moan about flogging Nacho for peanuts isn’t emblematic of the trolling and divisiveness of modern discourse.

I can’t remember ever not feeling like something is a bit off, I struggle to be in the moment and to enjoy things. I’ve gotten help in the past but never really got to the bottom of it. Having a child last year has compounded the fact that I feel cut off from people, lonely and incapable of taking control and looking after myself. I love being a dad and I think I’m a good husband, I just wish I could feel more motivated and content. The word ‘lost’ came up in a PM from a kind person yesterday and that sort of hits the nail on the head.

I’m sorry if my post yesterday seemed overly dramatic, the responses actually made me consider what a large part of my life the forum is, namely the way in which I support my football team. Some of the best times of my life have come from football and they’ve been shared with you on here.

I can recognise when my low moods spill over into self pity and I think hearing some kind words yesterday has really helped and pull me back a bit.

Maybe this could be a thread where posters can reach out, share and help each other.

At the beginning of my journey as a dad it felt really hard. I promise you it gets easier. It’s a massive change. You’ll find that balance again.

 

[SilverFox]

Yep completely agree, my wife said today how well I was coping with my Father's death, in reality I'm dieing inside and think about him all the time, I've even called him when I've heard something on the radio that he would be interested in, only to remember he's no longer here. Obviously being a bloke I say nothing and carry on.
This forum is the only place I will admit this too.

I can’t imagine. I’m watching my dad’s health fail at the moment. It’s heart breaking. If you ever need a vent you can dm me or whatever. God bless mate.

 

[SilverFox]

I see this and raise you me having a seizure on the bus and pissing myself while unconscious… two weeks ago. Turns out there was a blood clot in my brain, so I spent two days in the stroke unit at LRI. Food’s great, by the way. All the various doctors and nurses and physiotherapists etc are wonderful, massive credit to the NHS.

I hope you are okay mate.

 

[parafox]

I've not posted on here in a while or anywhere for quite a while, but I've kept up with the site as I still find it very entertaining and it's my main source for information on Leicester at this point. I rarely have much to contribute but I see there is a discussion about men's issues so I thought I'd add to this discussion with my own experience.

When I was just a child I was repeatedly raped and molested and I've thought about it in detail for every day of my life since then. When such a thing has happened to you, lasting connections with people are very difficult and intimacy in general is essentially joyless. It's hard to describe the feeling to others but in this condition you can have a natural libido and interest in sex and intimacy, but as soon as it reaches that point you begin to feel as if you're floating above yourself, watching the whole thing, solely focusing on your actions with no presence in the moment.

The performance piece does very well in some cases but others see through it. I've had multiple women accuse me of being in the closet because of it, because I've never reached climax in the presence of another person.

People really have no idea how isolating this is as a man because men don't want to talk about these things and we're all expected to be shagging creatures who are only interested in sex, and are so easily stimulated by it that they blow their load in 5 seconds. When you see and hear people every day talking about their sex lives and relationships, well, the alienation that elicits has no comparison. It's not considered normal to have gone through this and others will see you as less masculine.

I've had many years of therapy for this and unfortunately I think it's not something I'm ever going to recover from. I don't know what the experience of recovery is for others so I can't say therapy is useless, but I think the best thing to do is to encourage survivors of all genders to come out with their stories so it won't feel so isolating for others that have dealt with this issue.

 

[Fox Fan]

I've not posted on here in a while or anywhere for quite a while, but I've kept up with the site as I still find it very entertaining and it's my main source for information on Leicester at this point. I rarely have much to contribute but I see there is a discussion about men's issues so I thought I'd add to this discussion with my own experience.

When I was just a child I was repeatedly raped and molested and I've thought about it in detail for every day of my life since then. When such a thing has happened to you, lasting connections with people are very difficult and intimacy in general is essentially joyless. It's hard to describe the feeling to others but in this condition you can have a natural libido and interest in sex and intimacy, but as soon as it reaches that point you begin to feel as if you're floating above yourself, watching the whole thing, solely focusing on your actions with no presence in the moment.

The performance piece does very well in some cases but others see through it. I've had multiple women accuse me of being in the closet because of it, because I've never reached climax in the presence of another person.

People really have no idea how isolating this is as a man because men don't want to talk about these things and we're all expected to be shagging creatures who are only interested in sex, and are so easily stimulated by it that they blow their load in 5 seconds. When you see and hear people every day talking about their sex lives and relationships, well, the alienation that elicits has no comparison. It's not considered normal to have gone through this and others will see you as less masculine.

I've had many years of therapy for this and unfortunately I think it's not something I'm ever going to recover from. I don't know what the experience of recovery is for others so I can't say therapy is useless, but I think the best thing to do is to encourage survivors of all genders to come out with their stories so it won't feel so isolating for others that have dealt with this issue.

Really genuinely sorry to read about what you've been through. It's absolutely terrible that such things happen and although it doesn't take a life, it changes it without compare.

I'm sure the therapy will have helped and I can't really add much more, but posts such as those in this thread really make you realise the silent burdens people often carry with them.

 

[OldGit]

Jesus.

I'm now 58 & a fat old **** with a stick. fair to say I never saw this ****er coming.

In short, I'm ****ing dying chaps.

Anyway...the upshot of all this is that basically we need to get promoted ****ing sharpish so I can watch us in the PL again before I volley the bucket into the top corner.

Over to you Enzo. No ****ing pressure like.

My sympathies. In my case it is mainly the ticker, but the outcome is much the same. I have been on first name terms with the Grim Reaper for years. Ironically, had I not been mis-diagnosed 30 years back I would probably then have been given about 5 years max. As it is, despite a few trips to A&E I have already exceeded by biblical quota by about 8, and continue to accept I can't do much, make sure my paperwork keeps up to date, and give up predicting anything.

Perhaps we should be negotiating for a TB corner in the memorial garden

 

[popillius]

Perhaps we should be negotiating for a TB corner in the memorial garden

Don't give it to BM to organise. It'll be covered in weeds within 3 months. Useless fecker.

 

[Lako42]

Well, I am very sorry to read a lot of this stuff but also happy that people are able to get it out on here. Never underestimate the good that this place can do. Just typing out some of these things can release a weight off peoples shoulders for a bit.

I don't really have anything big to bring to the table which I am immensely grateful for. For me it's probably just a general greyness that seems to hover above me at times. Just a feeling of wasted potential, lack of motivation in a working sense and a degree of anger at times that I'm not even sure of the route of.

I need to work on my temper and how quickly I can lose my shit (never violent)


I'm lucky if I'm honest.

 

[City Fan]

Similarly to Lako I don’t have much to bring to the table and I feel fortunate to be able to say that…but I’m finding the strength that people are finding to even share on here, a forum that is mostly anonymous and full of people you’re likely to never meet, is absolutely awe inspiring.

I can’t even begin to imagine the courage that you’ve all needed to find to share with actual people.

 

[SilverFox]

I've not posted on here in a while or anywhere for quite a while, but I've kept up with the site as I still find it very entertaining and it's my main source for information on Leicester at this point. I rarely have much to contribute but I see there is a discussion about men's issues so I thought I'd add to this discussion with my own experience.

When I was just a child I was repeatedly raped and molested and I've thought about it in detail for every day of my life since then. When such a thing has happened to you, lasting connections with people are very difficult and intimacy in general is essentially joyless. It's hard to describe the feeling to others but in this condition you can have a natural libido and interest in sex and intimacy, but as soon as it reaches that point you begin to feel as if you're floating above yourself, watching the whole thing, solely focusing on your actions with no presence in the moment.

The performance piece does very well in some cases but others see through it. I've had multiple women accuse me of being in the closet because of it, because I've never reached climax in the presence of another person.

People really have no idea how isolating this is as a man because men don't want to talk about these things and we're all expected to be shagging creatures who are only interested in sex, and are so easily stimulated by it that they blow their load in 5 seconds. When you see and hear people every day talking about their sex lives and relationships, well, the alienation that elicits has no comparison. It's not considered normal to have gone through this and others will see you as less masculine.

I've had many years of therapy for this and unfortunately I think it's not something I'm ever going to recover from. I don't know what the experience of recovery is for others so I can't say therapy is useless, but I think the best thing to do is to encourage survivors of all genders to come out with their stories so it won't feel so isolating for others that have dealt with this issue.

Talking about it and helping others is a massive massive positive healing step. Well done to you. I can’t imagine how difficult it has been for you.

 

[Brown Nose]

Just catching up with some of the more recent posts in this thread.

I am really impressed with the honesty and dignity shown. In my experience, about half of all people have direct experience of mental health issues either personally or with someone close to them. Many also have a physical health challenge alongside. The strength required to do each day can be remarkable.

I hope ted returns to see how this thread has evolved. It will show him that his struggle is far from unique and that the capacity for us humans to be both battered by life and also incredibly resilient is amazing.

For those with mental health challenges, the most important thing is to not to keep it inside your own head. For some, medication can reduce symptoms and enable you to function better. For others, talking or writing will be really helpful. We men tend to be solution focused but solutions for mental health are not simple or quick.

There are loads of resources out there - google men's mental health. One example is Andy's Man Club. It's brilliant and there are a lot of them around now. If you can, find something and give it a go.

https://andysmanclub.co.uk/

Here is another example which combines fitness, mental health and football. There are literally hundreds of different options out there.

https://www.manvfatfootball.org/

 

[FOX Franks]

Just catching up with some of the more recent posts in this thread.

I am really impressed with the honesty and dignity shown. In my experience, about half of all people have direct experience of mental health issues either personally or with someone close to them. Many also have a physical health challenge alongside. The strength required to do each day can be remarkable.

I hope ted returns to see how this thread has evolved. It will show him that his struggle is far from unique and that the capacity for us humans to be both battered by life and also incredibly resilient is amazing.

For those with mental health challenges, the most important thing is to not to keep it inside your own head. For some, medication can reduce symptoms and enable you to function better. For others, talking or writing will be really helpful. We men tend to be solution focused but solutions for mental health are not simple or quick.

There are loads of resources out there - google men's mental health. One example is Andy's Man Club. It's brilliant and there are a lot of them around now. If you can, find something and give it a go.

https://andysmanclub.co.uk/

Here is another example which combines fitness, mental health and football. There are literally hundreds of different options out there.

https://www.manvfatfootball.org/

Ted’s seen it - we talk a bit off the forum. He remarked much the same!

 

[tedfoxxx]

Just catching up with some of the more recent posts in this thread.

I am really impressed with the honesty and dignity shown. In my experience, about half of all people have direct experience of mental health issues either personally or with someone close to them. Many also have a physical health challenge alongside. The strength required to do each day can be remarkable.

I hope ted returns to see how this thread has evolved. It will show him that his struggle is far from unique and that the capacity for us humans to be both battered by life and also incredibly resilient is amazing.

For those with mental health challenges, the most important thing is to not to keep it inside your own head. For some, medication can reduce symptoms and enable you to function better. For others, talking or writing will be really helpful. We men tend to be solution focused but solutions for mental health are not simple or quick.

There are loads of resources out there - google men's mental health. One example is Andy's Man Club. It's brilliant and there are a lot of them around now. If you can, find something and give it a go.

https://andysmanclub.co.uk/

Here is another example which combines fitness, mental health and football. There are literally hundreds of different options out there.

https://www.manvfatfootball.org/

I can’t quite believe the things that people have been willing to share. Tough to hear because after all this time I feel like we get to know each other a tiny bit and you start to associate the usernames with certain senses of humour and opinions.

….


I signed up for ManvFat last year, went twice, damaged my ankle ligaments and had to give it a miss for few months. When I signed up again (for the Loughborough club) they seemed to have knocked it on the head. It’s a shame because it was a really good set up, definitely worth going if you’ve got a club near you.

Everyone in the same boat, taken seriously without getting daft about it and the coach seemed like a really good bloke.

I bumped into a bloke a know a little bit from my wife’s work in the week and he invited me out for a drink with him and some mates last night. Probably only the third or fourth time I’ve socialised like that since we had our son a year ago, first time I’ve walked into town and been for a drink with other blokes in ****ing years. Really enjoyed it, flexed a social muscle that I was worried had started to wither somewhat.

 

[Blue Maniac]

I signed up for ManvFat last year, went twice, damaged my ankle ligaments and had to give it a miss for few months.

Last year I started walking to work, which is a nice bit of exercise because it took about an hour and a half. Went over on my ankle on day four.

 

[Brown Nose]

 

[FOX Franks]

I can’t quite believe the things that people have been willing to share. Tough to hear because after all this time I feel like we get to know each other a tiny bit and you start to associate the usernames with certain senses of humour and opinions.

….


I signed up for ManvFat last year, went twice, damaged my ankle ligaments and had to give it a miss for few months. When I signed up again (for the Loughborough club) they seemed to have knocked it on the head. It’s a shame because it was a really good set up, definitely worth going if you’ve got a club near you.

Everyone in the same boat, taken seriously without getting daft about it and the coach seemed like a really good bloke.

I bumped into a bloke a know a little bit from my wife’s work in the week and he invited me out for a drink with him and some mates last night. Probably only the third or fourth time I’ve socialised like that since we had our son a year ago, first time I’ve walked into town and been for a drink with other blokes in ****ing years. Really enjoyed it, flexed a social muscle that I was worried had started to wither somewhat.

I go on Monday nights to the LCFC in the Community 5(ish) a side football. It keeps you active and no one there is a Ronaldo type so you get a fair play of the ball whether you're good or crap.

 

[Payne74]

I'm taking some time off work to reflect on my life and try and let the death off my father sink in, I've told my family it's built up annual leave.

I'm also taking time out from this forum as it's not helping me, text tennis arguing with strangers is just making me angry with life and bringing me down emotionally.
I don't know if I'll ever be back but I apologize to anyone that I have annoyed.

Anyway all the best.

 

[camberwell fox]

I'm taking some time off work to reflect on my life and try and let the death off my father sink in, I've told my family it's built up annual leave.

I'm also taking time out from this forum as it's not helping me, text tennis arguing with strangers is just making me angry with life and bringing me down emotionally.
I don't know if I'll ever be back but I apologize to anyone that I have annoyed.

Anyway all the best.

Don’t worry about it, it’s a football forum. Everyone is “anonymous”

Do whatever you wish but look after yourself.

 

[pork pie fox]

I'm taking some time off work to reflect on my life and try and let the death off my father sink in, I've told my family it's built up annual leave.

I'm also taking time out from this forum as it's not helping me, text tennis arguing with strangers is just making me angry with life and bringing me down emotionally.
I don't know if I'll ever be back but I apologize to anyone that I have annoyed.

Anyway all the best.

All the best Payne, take all the time you need, but remember that, along with the disadvantages, an anonymous forum allows you to to talk about things more easily sometimes too.

 

[Blue Maniac]

This past Sunday I had my MRI. Then 24 hours later I randomly woke up on my living room floor with no memory of the previous hour and a half. Best guess is I had another seizure while working at my desk. Spent the next four days in hospital and have now been diagnosed with post-stroke epilepsy.