Motown Fox
Well-Known Member
Hmmmm. Just tucking into my brown bread sandwiches.
I can see why this thread got closed down before.
I can see why this thread got closed down before.
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Resurrecting the random joke thread
- Thread starter OldGit
- Start date
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- Status
It didn't get closed. Probably should have been though.
Mawsley
Well-Known Member
I don't get it.
Blue Maniac
Alzheimers sufferer
I've seen this before, definitely. I remember breaking my old monitor because of it.
Motown Fox
Well-Known Member
I have a haunch he might just do that.
Blue Maniac
Alzheimers sufferer
****ing hell.
tedfoxxx
Well-Known Member
Yeah I posted it in the old thread. Its an absolute smash, I'm sure you'll agree.
Blue Maniac
Alzheimers sufferer
In the same way as Davina McCall and the Royal Navy advert, both of which have caused TVs to be broken in my house.
fox58
Well-Known Member
Macky
Gruntled Member
I've no eyed deer why you think he might do that
Blue Maniac
Alzheimers sufferer
Stag-geringly naive of you.
Blue Maniac
Alzheimers sufferer
Antlers.
SJN-Fox
Well-Known Member
A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away." The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?" "Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet.. "How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room.
A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room. The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."
The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "£150!" she cried, "£150 just to tell me my duck is dead!" The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been £20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now £150."
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away." The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?" "Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet.. "How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room.
A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room. The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."
The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "£150!" she cried, "£150 just to tell me my duck is dead!" The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been £20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now £150."
tedfoxxx
Well-Known Member
That's put me in a strangely good mood to start the day :icon_lol:
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| P | Pld | Pts | |
| 1 | Liverpool | 23 | 56 |
| 2 | Arsenal | 24 | 50 |
| 3 | Nottm F | 24 | 47 |
| 4 | Chelsea | 24 | 43 |
| 5 | Manchester C | 24 | 41 |
| 6 | Newcastle | 24 | 41 |
| 7 | Bournemouth | 24 | 40 |
| 8 | Aston Villa | 24 | 37 |
| 9 | Fulham | 24 | 36 |
| 10 | Brighton | 24 | 34 |
| 11 | Brentford | 24 | 31 |
| 12 | Palace | 24 | 30 |
| 13 | Manchester U | 24 | 29 |
| 14 | Tottenham | 24 | 27 |
| 15 | West Ham | 24 | 27 |
| 16 | Everton | 23 | 26 |
| 17 | Wolves | 24 | 19 |
| 18 | Leicester | 24 | 17 |
| 19 | Ipswich | 24 | 16 |
| 20 | Southampton | 24 | 9 |
