The random joke thread

[londonfox]

That carp joke was terrible.....

 

[Motown Fox]

That carp joke was terrible.....

I agree what a load of carp it really is.

 

[Macky]

That carp joke was terrible.....

Don't knock it, he's the codfather of carp jokes

 

[RHYDAL]

Don't knock it, he's the codfather of carp jokes

As the French say...fin.

 

[lazzer]

What has two legs and bleeds a lot? ..........



Half a cat !

 

[Macky]

What has two legs and bleeds a lot? ..........



Half a cat !

Like :icon_lol:

 

[drummindefender]

I got up at the crack of dawn today

So I said "Oi Dawn, get off my face!"

 

[Matt_B]

What has two legs and bleeds a lot? ..........



Half a cat !

I know it as half a dog but it's one of may favourite jokes of all time.

 

[The Major]

This girl came up to me today and said she recognised me from vegetarian club.

I was confused, I'd never met herbivore.

 

[SJN-Fox]

This girl came up to me today and said she recognised me from vegetarian club.

I was confused, I'd never met herbivore.

Booooooooooo, gerroff!

 

[FryattFox]

This girl came up to me today and said she recognised me from vegetarian club.

I was confused, I'd never met herbivore.

Love this!

 

[Graz]

This girl came up to me today and said she recognised me from vegetarian club.

I was confused, I'd never met herbivore.

Love ti :icon_bigg

 

[manxfox]

whats the difference between an onion and 3 dead hookers?. . . . . . i cried when i cut up the onion

 

[SJN-Fox]

After 30 years of marriage to Florence, Jim the plumber left his wife. The note on the kitchen table simply read............."it's over Flo"......

 

[SJN-Fox]

His wife came home from work one day, and said that she had been asking all her friends what the best procedure was for breast enlargement, apparently several had been recommended, but they were all rather expensive.

Eager to help his beloved, he suggested she lie face down on the settee, and press her chest firmly against the cushions.

When she asked him how this was going to make her breasts bigger, he said,"well, It''s worked for your bum!”

And THATS how the fight started !

 

[The Major]

A man walked out to the street and caught a taxi just going by. He got
into the taxi, and the cabbie said, "Perfect timing. You're just like
"Brian!

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Brian Sullivan. He's a guy who did everything right all the
time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happen like
that to Brian Sullivan, every single time."

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Brian Sullivan. He was a terrific athlete. He could have
won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang
like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should
have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."



Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."



Cabbie: "There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered
everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and
which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I
change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Brian Sullivan, he
could do everything right."



Passenger: "Wow. Some guy then."



Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid
traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But
Brian, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a
woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if
she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes
highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake.
No one could ever measure up to Brian Sullivan. "



Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"



Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Brian. He died. I'm married to his f****ing' widow."

 

[Jeff]

Cabbie: "Brian Sullivan. He's a guy who did everything right all the
time.

He sounds just like Frank Feldman

 

[The Major]

He sounds just like Frank Feldman

You've got a good memory for crap jokes.

 

[Macky]

What do you call cheese that isn't yours?


Nacho cheese

 

[homer]

What do you call cheese that isn't yours?


Nacho cheese

If anyone thanks you for that post they should be banned with immediate effect