The random joke thread

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A female shot-putter goes to the doctor cause she's started to grow a penis.She says to the doctor "I need help. I've been taking steroids and now I've grown a penis!"the doctor asks "Anabolic?"She replies "No, just a penis."
 
spionfox said:
Mr Cameron wouldn't sink so low :018:

Made a reference to the BBQ he and Obama had attended and said it was the first example of a British Prime Minister giving a President a grilling.

Completely flopped!
Click to expand...

He should have said it was the first example of a British Prime Minister giving a President a spit roast! That would have gone down much better:icon_wink
 
A horse walked into a bar. Several people got up and left as they spotted the potential danger in the situation.
 
I've been in hospital this morning having a mole removed from my knob!

After the operation the RSPCA Inspector came into my recovery room and said "We're just going to give you a warning this time!"
 
I was standing at the urinal, the other day, next to a midget.
After a few moments I noticed him winking at me!
So, I turned my back a bit, but when I looked round again, he was still winking at me!
So I said to him "What's your problem pal, do you ****ing fancy me or something?"
He replied "No, you bastard, you're splashing in my eyes!"
 
Peter Beardsley is the latest footballer to be the subject of a super-injunction. The girl he shagged wants no-one to find out.
 
What's red and sits in the corner gurgling?



























A baby playing with a Stanley knife
 
Anyway, I was trying to pull a girl in a bar, so I asked her "What part of my body is as long as your thigh, contains over 120 muscles, and is an anagram of 'pensi'?"

As she pulled my trousers down in the bedroom five minutes later, I revealed the answer was my spine.
 
I got sacked last night from the Salvation Army soup kitchen, ungrateful
bleeders, all I said was, 'hurry up for ****s sake, some of us have got
homes to go to!'
 
In an Indian restaurant last night having a meal, waiter came over and
says, 'Curry Ok?'
I said, 'go on then, just one song then bugger off'
 
I was sat in a restaurant and got hit on the back of the head by a prawn
cocktail. I looked round and this bloke shouts, 'That's just for starters!'
 
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