The random joke thread

[bocadillo]

What is nasal sex?
















































**** nose.

I got sacked last night from the Salvation Army soup kitchen, ungrateful
bleeders, all I said was, 'hurry up for ****s sake, some of us have got
homes to go to!'

In an Indian restaurant last night having a meal, waiter came over and
says, 'Curry Ok?'
I said, 'go on then, just one song then bugger off'

I was sat in a restaurant and got hit on the back of the head by a prawn
cocktail. I looked round and this bloke shouts, 'That's just for starters!'

Please, please, please, not the one about the rubbery chicken in your local Chinese!

 

[Longcliffe]

My girlfriend said she was leaving because I was acting like a posh twat

I was so shocked my monocle fell out

 

[Longcliffe]

When my girlfriend said she was leaving because of my obsession with The Monkees, I thought she was joking.

And then I saw her face.

 

[spionfox]

When my girlfriend said she was leaving because of my obsession with The Monkees, I thought she was joking.

And then I saw her face.

I like that one :icon_bigg

 

[The Major]

How many Mexicans does it take to change a lightbulb?





Just Juan

 

[Longcliffe]

I was at a restaurant with my girlfriend yesterday.
As I was about to eat my steak as she asked "enjoying your meat, murderer?"

I just wish we could go one day without her mentioning the fact I killed her mum.

 

[The Major]

My Mrs just found out that I replaced our bed with a trampoline.

She hit the roof.

 

[Blue Maniac]

My Mrs just found out that I replaced our bed with a trampoline.

She hit the roof.

:icon_lol::icon_lol::icon_lol:

:icon_redf

 

[Longcliffe]

Welcome to The Alzheimer's information web page.

Please enter your 16 digit password.

 

[Profondo Rosso]

Q: What's the definition of eternal love?

A: Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder playing tennis.

 

[Longcliffe]

I don't tell sexist jokes at parties any more.

They're too complicated for women.

 

[Longcliffe]

The waiter came over to my table and said, "Please. Tuck in".

I frowned, "But you've only brought the wine."

"I know sir," he said furtively, "but your penis is hanging out."

 

[Longcliffe]

Man lost in a hot air balloon over Ireland . He looks down and sees a farmer and shouts to him, "Where am I?"
The Irish farmer looks up and shouts back "You can't kid me ya b'stard, you're in that feckin basket!"

 

[GazLCFC]

My daughter got sent home from school for swearing today.

I said what did u say?

She said the 'c' word.

I looked at her very disappointed and said its not clever is it.

She said 'No, it was ****'

 

[Macky]

Man lost in a hot air balloon over Ireland . He looks down and sees a farmer and shouts to him, "Where am I?"
The Irish farmer looks up and shouts back "You can't kid me ya b'stard, you're in that feckin basket!"

The ****wit in the hot air balloon must be a bit of a thick **** if he can't work out where he is, or is this an example of racist, jingoist jokes not standing up to scrutiny?

 

[Longcliffe]

The ****wit in the hot air balloon must be a bit of a thick **** if he can't work out where he is, or is this an example of racist, jingoist jokes not standing up to scrutiny?

Perhaps the ****wit in the balloon is Irish as well.

 

[spionfox]

Perhaps the ****wit in the balloon is Irish as well.

Brave man Longcliffe, brave man :icon_bigg

 

[Macky]

Perhaps the ****wit in the balloon is Irish as well.

Why would that be?

 

[Longcliffe]

Why would that be?

Because he is a bit of thick ****?

 

[Blue Maniac]

Right, I'm off.