The RIP Thread

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Some great Cruyff quotes (from the BBC)

On himself:

  • "In a way I'm probably immortal."
  • "If I wanted you to understand it all, I would have explained it better."
  • "Actually I never make a mistake, because it takes a huge effort for me to make a mistake."
  • "I don't believe in God. In Spain all 22 players cross themselves, if it works the game is always going to be a tie."
On football and his philosophy

  • "Playing football is very simple, but playing simple football is the hardest thing there is."
  • "Italians can't win the game against you, but you can lose the game against the Italians."
  • "Quality without results is pointless. Results without quality is boring."
  • "It's better to go down with your own vision than with someone else's."
  • "In my teams, the goalie is the first attacker, and the striker the first defender."
  • "There is only one ball, so you need to have it."
  • "Why couldn't you beat a richer club? I've never seen a bag of money score a goal."
 
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Some of Ronnies finest:


I was lying in bed with my wife last Sunday morning when she called me by a special pet name, a loving and endearing term. ‘Hey Shorty,’ she said. ‘Would you like to hear the patter of little feet?’

Taken aback, I replied: ‘Yes, I would.’

She said: ‘Good. Run down to the kitchen and get me a glass of water.’


once I met a fantastic girl, beautiful face, great figure. I asked if I could buy her a drink.
She said: ‘No thank you, I don’t drink.’
I said: ‘How about a cigarette?’
She said: ‘No, I don’t smoke.’
I said: ‘Can I take you home?’
She said: ‘Yes please.’ So I drive her home and I say: ‘You’re the most wonderful girl I’ve ever met. You don’t drink, you don’t smoke, you’re beautiful, wonderful sense of humour, intelligent.’
She said: ‘Yes, I’m also very passionate. Would you like to come in?’
Well, she opened the door and there, lying in the hall was a dead horse.
I said: ‘What’s that?’
She said: ‘I never said I was tidy, did I?

A cement mixer has collided with a prison van. Motorists are asked to look out for 16 hardened criminals.

We’ve just heard that a juggernaut of onions has shed its load all over the M1. Motorists are advised to find a hard shoulder to cry on.


My great-grandfather was killed at Custer’s Last Stand — he didn’t take part in any fighting, he was camping nearby and went over to complain about the noise.
 
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