The Webbo Diet
A typical man needs 2500 calories per day. One pound in weight is equal to 3,500 calories, so by monitoring your calory intake you should be able to work out how much weight you can lose.
So for example, if you want to lose two pounds per week, you need to consume 1,500 calories a day.
This is easily possible on the Webbo Diet (TM)
Breakfast: porridge (made with water, not milk) 150 calories
Lunch: small tin of Heinz baked beans and veggie sausages, and mashed potato. 400 calories
Dinner: tin of veggie spag bol. 300 calories
Supper: bowl of porridge - add dried fruit if you want to make it more interesting (150/200 calories)
Drinks: lots of water, or diet drinks. Tea and coffee is not allowed.
Avoid all fresh fruit and veg, that's for girls.
This leaves you with around 500 spare calories, to use as you like. This is equal to one medium sized pie, or a cake and a packet of crisps. Or a burger if you can't manage without your fast food.