The random joke thread

[RHYDAL]

The Batman?? :icon_lol:

Don't be catty woman.

 

[Cate Fox]

Don't be catty woman.

:icon_razz

 

[Billyjof]

Times New Roman walked into a bar; the Batman turned around and said "sorry, we don't serve your type in here"

I never really got surreal humour, it's a little like trying to understand that two biscuits joke again.

 

[Matt_B]

The Batman?? :icon_lol:

FFS why does my phone choose to auto correct to batman rather than barman!

 

[SJN-Fox]

New Words/Phrases for 2011

* SALAD DODGER.
An excellent phrase for an overweight person.

* SWAMP-DONKEY
A deeply unattractive person.

* TESTICULATING.
Waving your arms around and talking bollocks.

* BLAMESTORMING.
Sitting round in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

* SEAGULL MANAGER.
A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.

* SALMON DAY..
The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die.

* CUBE FARM.
An office filled with cubicles.

* PRAIRIE DOGGING.
When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and
people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.
(This also applies to applause for a promotion or birthday because there may be cake.)

* AEROPLANE BLONDE.
One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a 'black box'.

* PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE.
The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

* OH - NO SECOND.
That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just Made a BIG mistake (e.g. You've hit 'reply all').

* GREYHOUND.
A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.

* MILLENNIUM DOMES.
The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. Extremely impressive when viewed from the outside, but there's actually naught in there worth seeing.

* MONKEY BATH
A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: 'Oo! Oo! Oo! Aa! Aa! Aa!'.

* MYSTERY BUS.
The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.

* TART FUEL.
Bottled premixed spirits, regularly consumed by young women.

* TRAMP STAMP
Tattoo on a female

* PICASSO BUM.
A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she's got 4 buttocks

 

[Blaby blue blood]

New Words/Phrases for 2011

 

[Blue Maniac]

I'm as confused as you :icon_conf

 

[jb5000]

New Words/Phrases for 1983

...

 

[SJN-Fox]

I just copied and pasted the email that I was sent.

I didn't bother looking up the year of origin.

 

[Longcliffe]

BBC News: "3 Cliff Walkers Fall to Their Death"

Wow, what were the chances of them all having the same name?

 

[Billyjof]

BBC News: "3 Cliff Walkers Fall to Their Death"

Wow, what were the chances of them all having the same name?

Your rib ticklers always bring a tear to my eye. Been watching your Jim Davidson Full On Live DVD again?

 

[Blue Maniac]

Your rib ticklers always bring a tear to my eye. Been watching your Jim Davidson Full On Live DVD again?

Copy and paste.

 

[Longcliffe]

Your rib ticklers always bring a tear to my eye. Been watching your Jim Davidson Full On Live DVD again?

Don't be so precious. What's wrong with Jim Davidson?

 

[RHYDAL]

Don't be so precious. What's wrong with Jim Davidson?

He doesn't stand still long enough to make a good target.

 

[homer]

He doesn't stand still long enough to make a good target.

That there 'Chalkie' character of his is good though. Very funny stuff, that

 

[RHYDAL]

That there 'Chalkie' character of his is good though. Very funny stuff, that

It's 2011, you're not allowed to like that sort of thing.

 

[lazzer]

Glenn Campbells been diagnosed with Alzheimers Disease...

Now he's getting cards & letters from people he doesn't even know

:icon_lol: lovely stuff.

 

[Longcliffe]

:icon_lol: lovely stuff.

Thanks Lazzer, at last someone with a sense of humour.

 

[Longcliffe]

That's very inconsiderate of Rupert Murdoch to close down the News of the World.

What's my cat supposed to shit on now?

 

[Longcliffe]

I wouldn't worry too much about the News Of The World journalists losing their jobs.

I read somewhere the unemployed get 5 bedroom houses and £50 000 a year.