The random joke thread

[RHYDAL]

Thanks Lazzer, at last someone with a sense of humour.

Even a blind squirrel finds an acorn from time to time.

 

[Longcliffe]

Even a blind squirrel finds an acorn from time to time.

Oh thanks RHYDAL. I'm still waiting for those jokes you threatened to send me.

 

[Longcliffe]

A policeman knocked on my door this morning, but I just locked it and sat there in complete silence.
After 20 seconds he knocked again, but I just continued to ignore it.
The knocks got louder and more frequent but I was determined not to move in the hope that he would just go away.
Then he decided to look through the window.
He shouted, "Do you think I'm stupid? I can see you in there, sir. Open the door."
I said, "You're not coming in mate!"
He said, "I don't want to come in, I just want you to step out of the car."

 

[From Gradel to Grave]

A policeman knocked on my door this morning, but I just locked it and sat there in complete silence.
After 20 seconds he knocked again, but I just continued to ignore it.
The knocks got louder and more frequent but I was determined not to move in the hope that he would just go away.
Then he decided to look through the window.
He shouted, "Do you think I'm stupid? I can see you in there, sir. Open the door."
I said, "You're not coming in mate!"
He said, "I don't want to come in, I just want you to step out of the car."

Is that the bottom of the barrel I can hear?

 

[RHYDAL]

Oh thanks RHYDAL. I'm still waiting for those jokes you threatened to send me.

Don't hold your breath, I purposely misled you.

 

[RHYDAL]

Is that the bottom of the barrel I can hear?

I fear not.

 

[Longcliffe]

Class asked to use "contagious" in a sentence & Irish Joe says, "My neighbour's painting his house wid a 2-inch brush and Dad says it will take the contagious."

 

[Longcliffe]

Don't hold your breath, I purposely misled you.

Prick teaser

 

[The Major]

Stick with it Longy, you're not doing any harm.

 

[Longcliffe]

Stick with it Longy, you're not doing any harm.

Thanks Maj, I hope you appreciate these jokes.

 

[The Major]

Thanks Maj, I hope you appreciate these jokes.

Wouldn't go that far.:icon_wink

 

[Longcliffe]

Wouldn't go that far.:icon_wink

And nor would I:icon_conf

 

[drummindefender]

Class asked to use "contagious" in a sentence & Irish Joe says, "My neighbour's painting his house wid a 2-inch brush and Dad says it will take the contagious."

Well it got a laugh from me

 

[Blue Maniac]

Well it got a laugh from me

It did me. Many, many, many years ago.

 

[Longcliffe]

It did me. Many, many, many years ago.

We aren't all as old as you BM! Or Boc.

 

[Blue Maniac]

We aren't all as old as you BM! Or Boc.

I'd be surprised if I discovered I'm older than you.

 

[Longcliffe]

I'd be surprised if I discovered I'm older than you.

I'd be surprised if you knew how old you are.

 

[Longcliffe]

England lose to France on penalties in Women's World Cup

Aww well at least they'll get some furry cup in the showers.

 

[Blue Maniac]

I'd be surprised if you knew how old you are.

And I'd be amazed if you won the battle of minds you appear to be aching for. Stay within your own weight category :icon_wink

 

[Longcliffe]

And I'd be amazed if you won the battle of minds you appear to be aching for. Stay within your own weight category :icon_wink

You're such a wag. Your mind must be slightly muddled.

Perhaps it's time for the nurse to apply some haemorrhoid cream.