The random joke thread

[Motown Fox]

Running Deer, a young Native American man, went to a doctor for his first ever physical exam. After checking all of his vitals and running the usual tests, the doctor said, "Well, Running Deer, you are in fine health. I could find no problems. I did notice one abnormality however."

"Oh, what is that, Doctor?"


"Well, you have no nipples."


"None of the people in my tribe have nipples," he replied.


"That is amazing," said the doctor. "I'd like to write this up for publication if you don't mind.

He said, "OK."

"First of all" asked the doctor, "how many people are in your tribe?''

He answered, "Approximately 500."

"And what is the name of your tribe?" asked the doctor.

Running Deer replied, "We're called ....







"The Indiannippeless Five Hundred"

 

[Longcliffe]

Keep it up Motown

 

[RHYDAL]

I am literally crying.

 

[Dour]

There's an odd quality to these jokes. The Who wants to be a millionaire joke can only be a maximum of 14 years old but, like the others, feels much, much older.

 

[Longcliffe]

There were two prawns, James and Christian, swimming along the bottom of the ocean. James accidentally rubs up against an old lantern and whoosh, a genie appears and grants James two wishes.

After a moment's thought James decides that he wants to becomes a shark so as to gain the respect of all the creatures of the sea. Whoosh, James becomes a shark and swims off.

Two weeks later James is upset. All of his old friends are now afraid of him and his life is miserable. He decides to use his second wish, and he wishes to be a prawn once again. Whoosh.... Now a prawn once more, James swims away to look for his mate Christian.

When he arrives at Christian's house he knocks on the door and shouts out for Christian. "Go away", says Christian, "you're a shark and you'll just eat me".

"No I won't", shouts James, "I'm a prawn again Christian".

 

[Motown Fox]

The oldies are the best:icon_bigg

 

[The Major]

Mick Hucknall has been arrested for shagging a rabbit

Police sources say he was holding back the ears

 

[homer]

Mick Hucknall has been arrested for shagging a rabbit

Police sources say he was holding back the ears

Lovely stuff

 

[Macky]

Mick Hucknall has been arrested for shagging a rabbit

Police sources say he was holding back the ears

Aaah, who needs a flux capacitor powered DeLorean time machine when you've got the Major's jokes?

 

[j4k3]

How can you tell if a valentine is from a leper?

- The tongue's still in the envelope.​

 

[fitz]

Mick Hucknall has been arrested for shagging a rabbit

Police sources say he was holding back the ears

Bunny's too tight to mention. Oh bunny, bunny.

 

[Motown Fox]

Bunny's too tight to mention. Oh bunny, bunny.

He has history in that regard wasnt it him with "The Hare That I Breathe"

 

[Feriol]

Did he Open Up The Red Box?

 

[The Major]

The FA have brought in a new ruling.

Anyone found passing to Andy Carroll will automatically receive a yellow card for time wasting.

 

[RHYDAL]

The FA have brought in a new ruling.

Anyone found passing to Andy Carroll will automatically receive a yellow card for time wasting.

Strange, someone told me a long haired guy died on a cross last Friday, assumed it was him.

 

[Darth Vodka]

Went to see Titanic 3D yesterday. It was so realistic I could actually feel James Cameron taking the money out of my pocket

 

[Longcliffe]

Just been to see a hit man about taking care of the wife, we first agreed a price then i asked him how he will do it, he said "i will shoot her at close range, just below the left nipple.

"**** that" i said "i want her dead not knee capped.

 

[Motown Fox]

The 7 dwarfs are down in the mines when there is a cave-in. Snow White runs to the entrance and yells down to them. In the dark distance a voice screams out "Leicester City are good enough to win the Championship."
Snow White says "Thank God - at least Dopey's still alive!"

 

[Motown Fox]

Mario Balotelli phoned up Carlos Tevez and asked him to go for a drink, "great" says Carlos "I am just out walking the dog not far from that Pub the team sometimes go in so I will meet you there".
So they meet up and are standing at the bar having a beer when this guy walks in goes over to the two of them and lifts Carlos' dog up by the tail, looks at it then drops it shakes his head and walks out. Mario turns to Carlos and says "what was that all about?" "No idea" says Tevez, but 5 minutes later another guy walks into the bar, again picks up the dog by the tail looks, then drops the dog and walks out. Now Carlos Tevez is getting angry and says ”if this happens again I will thump anybody who tries that again”.
Sure enough 5 minutes later in comes another guy walks over to Tevez' dog, lifts it up by the tail looks ,then puts the dog down. So Tevez says “hey what the **** do you think you are doing?” the guy replies ”oh sorry mate it's just that there is a guy outside who says there is a dog in the pub with two arseholes”

 

[The Major]

I tried to make a donation to the Tourette Syndrome Association.

They told me to **** off.