The random joke thread

[Blue Maniac]

I had herb encrusted fish for tea on Friday.
But this is neither the time nor place to talk about it.

Looooooooool. You won't believe this. I just realised, 'time' sounds like 'thyme' and 'place' sounds like 'plaice'!







This joke-ruining moment was brought to you by the Joke ****ing Council of Great Britain, and was conceived in honour of TornadoShaunUK.

 

[RHYDAL]

Looooooooool. You won't believe this. I just realised, 'time' sounds like 'thyme' and 'place' sounds like 'plaice'!
This joke-ruining moment was brought to you by the Joke ****ing Council of Great Britain, and was conceived in honour of TornadoShaunUK.

BM reinforced his resplendent return to the forum by sarcastically, but wittily, assassinating the value of the joke to which he referred, through the medium of a falsely extended guffaw, and a contrived, if somewhat transparent use of drama queen disbelief, to highlight the paper thin (Soccer AM) humour contain therein.

Not content with this resounding triumph, he continued by reaffirming his forum credentials through his knowledge of the in-house repartee on offer from other contributors. Bravo sir, bravo.

 

[OldGit]

Recently, I was staying in a hotel where they were holding a massive chess tournament. I was in the lobby, and could hear lots of people talking about great they are, who they've beaten and how long they've been playing.


You know, one thing I really hate is chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

 

[The Major]

Recently, I was staying in a hotel where they were holding a massive chess tournament. I was in the lobby, and could hear lots of people talking about great they are, who they've beaten and how long they've been playing.


You know, one thing I really hate is chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

:icon_bigg

 

[Orifice]

Thanks to stupid 'Auto-Correct' my time machine will only let me travel into the furniture.

 

[Orifice]

 

[SJN-Fox]

Christmas Carols for the Disturbed

1.
Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?

2.
Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Kings Disoriented Are

3.
Dementia --- I Think I'll be Home for Christmas

4.
Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

5.
Manic --- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and.....

6.
Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me

7.
Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire

8.
Personality Disorder --- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why

9.
Attention Deficit Disorder --- Silent night, Holy oooh look at the froggy - can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away?

10.
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder -- Jingle Bells,
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle, Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells ....

 

[spionfox]

Christmas Carols for the Disturbed

11.
cafe --- All I want for Christmas, is you because my own forum have disowned me for being besotted by another club

 

[The Major]

Paddy's lying in bed watching Babestation. He phones the number at the bottom of the screen and the babe says "hello sexy and what can I do for you tonight?" Paddy replies "that sofa you're lying on." "Yes" she replies. Paddy says "can u jump over the back of it and hide?" "Sure sexy, but why?" she asks. Paddy replies "well the wife's coming up the stairs, and I can't find the ****in' remote!" "

 

[MKFox]

A psychiatrist is doing his rounds with a couple of students. They look in on one patient, and the psychiatrist says to his students, "Sometimes this fellow thinks he's a temptress in a Bizet opera, but today, as you can see from his goose-stepping, he thinks he's the World War II head of the Luftwaffe. What condition do you think he's suffering from?"
The first student replies, "Is he a paranoid schizophrenic with a multiple-personality disorder?"
The second student says, "No, surely he just doesn't know whether he's Carmen or Goering."

 

[homer]

 

[The Major]

Your work at the Cockney Trouser Research Centre is going really well.

You’re making great strides.

 

[Motown Fox]

MK and the Major appear to be going for "joke of the year" with the recent efforts.

 

[pork pie fox]

MK and the Major appear to be going for "joke of the year" with the recent efforts.

You could have fooled me

 

[The Major]

MK and the Major appear to be going for "joke of the year" with the recent efforts.

 

[Motown Fox]

You could have fooled me

Well this is the joke thread, and I was making a joke.:icon_bigg

 

[Motown Fox]

All this End of the World stuff on the internet is doing my head in, they are all going at it like there's no tomorrow.

 

[Motown Fox]

A guy is walking around the beach when he discovers a bottle with a cork. He picks it up, opens the cork, and out come two blonde genies. The genies grant him three wishes. The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear.

The next thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom, in a mansion surrounded by 50 beautiful women. He makes love to all of them and begins to explore the house.

Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet, he looks down and the floor is covered in $100.00 bills.

Then, there's a knock at the door. He answers the door and standing there are two persons dressed in Klu Klux Klan outfits.

They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a limb and hang him by the neck until he is dead.

The Klansmen walk off. As they are walking away, they remove their hoods; it's the two blonde genies. One blonde genie says to the other one:

"Hey, I can understand the first wish having all these beautiful women in a big mansion to make love to. I can also understand him wanting to be a millionaire, but to be hung like a black man is beyond me.

 

[Blue Maniac]

Yep.

 

[Graz]

A guy is walking around the beach when he discovers a bottle with a cork. He picks it up, opens the cork, and out come two blonde genies. The genies grant him three wishes. The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear.

The next thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom, in a mansion surrounded by 50 beautiful women. He makes love to all of them and begins to explore the house.

Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet, he looks down and the floor is covered in $100.00 bills.

Then, there's a knock at the door. He answers the door and standing there are two persons dressed in Klu Klux Klan outfits.

They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a limb and hang him by the neck until he is dead.

The Klansmen walk off. As they are walking away, they remove their hoods; it's the two blonde genies. One blonde genie says to the other one:

"Hey, I can understand the first wish having all these beautiful women in a big mansion to make love to. I can also understand him wanting to be a millionaire, but to be hung like a black man is beyond me.

:icon_bigg

I liked it!