The random joke thread

[RHYDAL]

:icon_bigg

I liked it!

So did I, back in the early 80s. The joke I mean.

 

[Blue Maniac]

So did I, back in the early 80s. The joke I mean.

I first heard it in 1989, when an older kid told me it. He then had to explain the punchline, because I was seven. To this day, I've still not laughed at it.

 

[fox58]

i had to call my Lawyer over a discrepancy with his bill, i said can i ask you two questions.

he said 'whats your second one'

 

[RHYDAL]

I first heard it in 1989, when an older kid told me it. He then had to explain the punchline, because I was seven. To this day, I've still not laughed at it.

Here's another from that era I was reminded of today......

So this guy buys a breeding pair of budgies, but day after he takes them home finds the female dead, ripped to pieces, on the bottom of the cage, with the male posing in front of his mirror.
He tries to introduce two more females on the following days, but the same fate befalls them.

Annoyed with this he decides to punish the budgy and puts a male crow in the cage with it, to teach it a lesson.

Following day he finds the crow dead too, so he puts a kestrel in thinking that would an end to it.

No such luck. The kestrel was brown bread the following morning, too.

'Right, I'll have the little bastard' , thinks the guy, and gets hold of a golden eagle and sticks that in with him.

Next day he checks the cage and the budgy is completely bald, feathers on the floor, next to the eagle.........dead.

The guy says 'Jebus, that looks like it was a bit more of a challenge'.

The budgy looks at him an says 'Yes, I had to take my coat off for that fecker.'






Apologies, it's better when yer drunk.

 

[The Major]

If we're doing really old jokes;

Donald Duck to Mickey Mouse" You can't divorce Mini just because she's got big teeth".

Mickey Mouse "I never said that. I said she's ****ing Goofy".

 

[The Major]

I was in the tesco cafe ordering my food and the waitress asked if I wanted anything on my burger,so I had a fiver each way

 

[Motown Fox]

Ive heard that Tesco are not worried about the news today because sales of burgers have remained stable

 

[The Major]

A cow walks into a bar. Barman says 'why the long face?' Cow says 'Bloody, illegal ingredients, coming over here stealing our jobs!'




Those Tesco horse burgers were nice, but I prefer My Lidl Pony.

 

[Macky]

These ****ing horse jokes have gone on furlong enough already

 

[SJN-Fox]

I went to Tescos and bought a bottle of Bacardi, a bottle of Lamb's and some burgers. So that's White Rum, Navy Rum and Red Rum.

 

[Motown Fox]

We all could have been eating this horsemeat. The same supplier that supplies Tesco provides the burgers etc for a.number of well known outlets including Burger King.

 

[Matt_B]

We all could have been eating this horsemeat. The same supplier that supplies Tesco provides the burgers etc for a.number of well known outlets including Burger King.

I don't get it?

 

[Blaarev]

I don't get it?

The funny thing is that it was probably not a joke

 

[Jeff]

We all could have been eating this horsemeat.

Not me. Unless it's in Asda veggie burgers.

 

[The Major]

Not me. Unless it's in Asda veggie burgers.

They contain unicorn.

 

[Jeff]

They contain unicorn.

Uniquorn.

 

[FryattFox]

Uniquorn.

V good.

 

[Motown Fox]

I don't get it?

You might have had it looking this

 

[Jeff]

I don't know why people are so concerned about these burgers. It's horse DNA that's been found, not horse meat. The DNA could have come from horse semen.

 

[Macky]

You might have had it looking this

No, I still don't get it MoFo. Did you forget to add the punchline again?