The random joke thread

[Orifice]

I was a talking to that Richard III bloke some time back and he said Henry Tudor once said he wanted to build a car park in Leicester. Richard told him, "over my dead body".....

 

[spionfox]

That's nice.

Feck off :icon_bigg

 

[bocadillo]

Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica – where do they go?

Wonder no more ! ! !

It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life. The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.

If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried.

The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:

"Freeze a jolly good fellow."
"Freeze a jolly good fellow."

Then, they kick him in the ice hole.































I am sorry, the devil made me do it!!!

 

[The Major]

It's nice to know Motown and me aren't the worse on here after all.

 

[Motown Fox]

I agree, no idea where Boc picked up a penguin joke like that. Takes a lot of beak to come up with that.

 

[Motown Fox]

Horse walks into a bar. Barman says 'sorry mate, we don't serve food in here'

 

[Billyjof]

Diabetes sufferers were wrongly warned not to eat Aldi lasagna due to it's high shergar content.

Sorry if this joke has been doing the rounds I live on the other side of the planet and only heard it today. We are 20 years behind apparently.

 

[fox58]

had to go to the doctors today with an upset stomach, he said i should watch what i'm eating. I'm off to the races tomorrow

 

[MKFox]

The past, present and future walked into a bar.


It was tense.

 

[Longcliffe]

Tesco own brand beer is the latest to be pulled off the shelf as it is found to contain 63% horse piss

 

[homer]

Roses are red
Violets are glorious
Don't try to surprise
Oscar Pistorius

 

[MKFox]

Roses are red
Violets are glorious
Don't try to surprise
Oscar Pistorius

roses are red,
violets are red,

everythings red...

drop the gun oscar

 

[Longcliffe]

They reckon Oscar Pistorius hasn't got a leg to stand on.

 

[Longcliffe]

There are some horrible bastards about. I heard a cat crying outside so i opened the door and four Liverpool fans were playing football with it. I was just about to phone the RSPCA when the cat went 1-0 up.

 

[MKFox]

Don't buy any tyres from Kevin Webster's garage - they're bald and definitely not legal.

 

[Doggie_muz]

They reckon Oscar Pistorius hasn't got a leg to stand on.

Did you hear his pathetic excuse? He said it was dark - apparently he couldn't see two feet in front of him.

 

[Macky]

Did you hear his pathetic excuse? He said it was dark - apparently he couldn't see two feet in front of him.

SCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoP

 

[fitz]

Did you hear his pathetic excuse? He said it was dark - apparently he couldn't see two feet in front of him.

It's a shame to see isn't it. He had the world at his knees before this tragedy.

 

[H T B]

He's not the first bloke to shoot his load in his Mrs Face whilst thinking she was someone else.

 

[The Major]

The police have discovered a book of 20 other women Oscar Pistorious had planned on assassinating.

They've called it 'Shinless list'.