lazzer
Moderator
lovely stuff
The random joke thread
- Thread starter Durham Fox
- Start date
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- Status
lovely stuff
Blue Maniac
Alzheimers sufferer
OldGit
Well-Known Member
At 85 years of age, Richard married Jenny, a lovely 25 year old.
Since her new husband is so old, Jenny decides that after their wedding she and Richard should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may overexert himself if they spend the entire night together.
After the wedding festivities Jenny prepares herself for bed and the expected knock on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Richard, her 85 year old groom, ready for action. They unite as one. All goes well, Richard takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep.
After a few minutes, Jenny hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it's Richard. Again he is ready for more 'action'. Somewhat surprised, Jenny consents for more coupling. When the newly weds are done, Richard kisses his bride, bids her a fond good night and leaves.
She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha you guessed it - Richard Is back again, rapping on the door, and is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready for more 'action'. And, once more they enjoy each other.
But as Richard gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, 'I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover, Richard.'
Richard, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Jenny and says: 'You mean I've already been here?
Since her new husband is so old, Jenny decides that after their wedding she and Richard should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may overexert himself if they spend the entire night together.
After the wedding festivities Jenny prepares herself for bed and the expected knock on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Richard, her 85 year old groom, ready for action. They unite as one. All goes well, Richard takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep.
After a few minutes, Jenny hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it's Richard. Again he is ready for more 'action'. Somewhat surprised, Jenny consents for more coupling. When the newly weds are done, Richard kisses his bride, bids her a fond good night and leaves.
She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha you guessed it - Richard Is back again, rapping on the door, and is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready for more 'action'. And, once more they enjoy each other.
But as Richard gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, 'I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover, Richard.'
Richard, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Jenny and says: 'You mean I've already been here?
fox58
Well-Known Member
i had a budgie that somehow managed to break both of its legs, unsure of what to I decided to make a couple of splints to see if that would help. i got some Swan Vesta matches and attached them to his broken legs, when he uneasily started to walk his little face lit up
OldGit
Well-Known Member
Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.
The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize.
"Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me," she told him.
"Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes," the man replied.
He was in obvious agony, lying in a fetal position, still clasping his hands together at his groin. At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help.
She gently took his hands away and laid them at his side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, "How does that feel?"
He replied, " It feels great but I still think my thumb's broken."
The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize.
"Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me," she told him.
"Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes," the man replied.
He was in obvious agony, lying in a fetal position, still clasping his hands together at his groin. At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help.
She gently took his hands away and laid them at his side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, "How does that feel?"
He replied, " It feels great but I still think my thumb's broken."
Blaarev
Well-Known Member
:icon_lol:
....You appeared from nowhere and shamelessly, without any reservations, you laid on my naked body...you sensed my indifference, so you applied your hungry mouth to me without any guilt or humiliation, and you drove me near crazy while you drained me.
Finally, I drifted off to sleep.
Today when I awoke, you were gone, I searched for you but to no avail, only the sheets bore witness to last night's events.
My body still bears faint marks of your enthusiastic ravishing, making it all the more difficult to forget you.
Tonight, I will remain awake, waiting for you........
F...ing mosquito!
Finally, I drifted off to sleep.
Today when I awoke, you were gone, I searched for you but to no avail, only the sheets bore witness to last night's events.
My body still bears faint marks of your enthusiastic ravishing, making it all the more difficult to forget you.
Tonight, I will remain awake, waiting for you........
F...ing mosquito!
spionfox
Well-Known Member
You want to be careful what you post. Macky has already questioned if there is *anything* he wouldn't wank over :icon_wink
Macky
Gruntled Member
*furious fapping*
Macky
Gruntled Member
Is this a joke?
911 Is a Joke.
Blue Maniac
Alzheimers sufferer
:icon_conf I think I've forgotten what a joke is.
Macky
Gruntled Member
Let me help.
Paddy goes into a department store, walks up to the counter and asks the assistant "Excuse, do you sell potato clocks?"
"Potato clocks??? We've alarm clocks, carriage clocks, grandfather clocks, even cuckoo clocks, but I've never even heard of a potato clock, what on Earth are they?"
"I dunno" says Paddy "but I'm starting a new job at 9 o'clock tomorrow morning and the wife says I need to get a potato clock"
I thank you
Last edited:
spionfox
Well-Known Member
That only really works if you imagine it being spoken in a Welsh voice.
Macky
Gruntled Member
No it doesn't. It's an accent agnostic joke. Most importantly though, it is actually a joke.
Blue Maniac
Alzheimers sufferer
You know, I always suspected my inner monologue had a Wrexham accent. ****ing knew it. The voice in my head is Welsh.
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