The random joke thread
- Thread starter Durham Fox
- Start date
- Status
Macky
Gruntled Member
Afrikaans works brilliantly :icon_lol:
RHYDAL
Well-Known Member
i bod yn siwr.
spionfox
Well-Known Member
Last edited:
Graz
Well-Known Member
Now that has cracked me up good and proper
To be sure it has!
Really? Then you'll love this one
fjghfhjsaka hgd
Last edited:
spionfox
Well-Known Member
OldGit
Well-Known Member
There's a bug going round
Motown Fox
Well-Known Member
SwedeFox
Well-Known Member
Haha, I thought it was funny.
bocadillo
Water Gypsy
Though not as funny as seeing somebody wearing a ushanka in England in June?
Motown Fox
Well-Known Member
I know it's not a joke. I was watching an old episode of Taxi and I love the comments that Jim (Ignatowski) comes out with. This one I put up is just an example that I thought I would share. Couldn't think of anywhere else to put it.
spionfox
Well-Known Member
Macky
Gruntled Member
The trash can
Well, I was gonna suggest this thread, but an American's rubbish bin is probably a good place too
SJN-Fox
Well-Known Member
The International Council of Man Laws.
1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) When she is using her teeth.
3: Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten
by his friends.
4: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits
forever unless you actually marry her.
5: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden. However
complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
6: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In
fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional. At that point,
you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.
7: In the mini-bus, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
8: When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the
score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
9: You may fart in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax.
If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment
(commonly known as a Dutch oven), she's officially your girlfriend.
10: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning
on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's
free.
11: Only in situations of mortal and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick
another guy in the nuts.
12: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
13: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
14: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
15: Women who claim they 'love to watch sports' must be treated as spies until
they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the
other sports watchers.
16: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober
enough to fight.
17: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but
not both, that's just greedy.
18: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his
choice of beer.
19: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except
if she's withholding sex pending your response.
20: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing i.e., both
urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost
imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
21: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you
are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if
necessary.
22: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly 'just a friend' have
carnal, drunken monkey sex. The fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no
reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about
what a big mistake it was.
23: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to
drive yours.
24: Thou shall not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime green, orange
or sky blue.
25: The girl who replies to the question 'What do you want for Christmas?' with
'If you loved me, you'd know what I want!' gets an Xbox 360. End of story.
26: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.
27: It is not permissible to make eye contact when watching porn with your
mates. Furthermore, this is only one of two circumstances under which it is
allowed to have an erection with friends in the room, the other being when you
are 'spit roasting' a woman.
28: We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know
the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition
of each is listed below:
* 'GUTS' is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted
by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, 'are you still cleaning
or are you flying somewhere?'
* 'BALLS' is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of
perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife square on the ass
and having the balls to say, 'You're next fatty!'
I hope this clears up any confusion,
The International Council of Man Laws
1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) When she is using her teeth.
3: Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten
by his friends.
4: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits
forever unless you actually marry her.
5: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden. However
complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
6: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In
fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional. At that point,
you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.
7: In the mini-bus, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
8: When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the
score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
9: You may fart in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax.
If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment
(commonly known as a Dutch oven), she's officially your girlfriend.
10: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning
on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's
free.
11: Only in situations of mortal and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick
another guy in the nuts.
12: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
13: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
14: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
15: Women who claim they 'love to watch sports' must be treated as spies until
they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the
other sports watchers.
16: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober
enough to fight.
17: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but
not both, that's just greedy.
18: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his
choice of beer.
19: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except
if she's withholding sex pending your response.
20: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing i.e., both
urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost
imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
21: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you
are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if
necessary.
22: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly 'just a friend' have
carnal, drunken monkey sex. The fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no
reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about
what a big mistake it was.
23: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to
drive yours.
24: Thou shall not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime green, orange
or sky blue.
25: The girl who replies to the question 'What do you want for Christmas?' with
'If you loved me, you'd know what I want!' gets an Xbox 360. End of story.
26: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.
27: It is not permissible to make eye contact when watching porn with your
mates. Furthermore, this is only one of two circumstances under which it is
allowed to have an erection with friends in the room, the other being when you
are 'spit roasting' a woman.
28: We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know
the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition
of each is listed below:
* 'GUTS' is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted
by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, 'are you still cleaning
or are you flying somewhere?'
* 'BALLS' is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of
perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife square on the ass
and having the balls to say, 'You're next fatty!'
I hope this clears up any confusion,
The International Council of Man Laws
Motown Fox
Well-Known Member
Leicester Fan: Knockaert, Knockaert
Forest Fan: Who's there?
Leicester Fan: Us, Not you
Forest Fan: Who's there?
Leicester Fan: Us, Not you
Blue Maniac
Alzheimers sufferer
Jesus Uma Christ. Did you hear that on the radio?
Motown Fox
Well-Known Member
It's crap I know. Just wallowing in the result still.
Blue Maniac
Alzheimers sufferer
Gotta love the MoFo :icon_lol:
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Championship
| P | Pld | Pts | |
| 1 | Leicester | 44 | 94 |
| 2 | Leeds Utd | 44 | 90 |
| 3 | Ipswich | 43 | 89 |
| 4 | Southampton | 44 | 84 |
| 5 | West Brom | 44 | 72 |
| 6 | Norwich City | 44 | 72 |
| 7 | Hull City | 44 | 69 |
| 8 | Coventry City | 43 | 63 |
| 9 | Middlesbro | 44 | 63 |
| 10 | Preston | 44 | 63 |
| 11 | Cardiff City | 44 | 62 |
| 12 | Bristol City | 44 | 59 |
| 13 | Sunderland | 44 | 56 |
| 14 | Swansea City | 44 | 56 |
| 15 | Watford | 44 | 53 |
| 16 | Millwall | 44 | 53 |
| 17 | Stoke City | 44 | 50 |
| 18 | QPR | 44 | 50 |
| 19 | Blackburn | 44 | 49 |
| 20 | Plymouth | 44 | 48 |
| 21 | Sheffield W | 44 | 47 |
| 22 | Birmingham | 44 | 46 |
| 23 | Huddersfield | 44 | 44 |
| 24 | Rotherham Utd | 44 | 24 |
