The random joke thread

[Melton Fox]

 

[MKFox]

The end of the stick people.....

 

[MHS]

The end of the stick people.....

:icon_roll :icon_sad: :icon_cry: :icon_cry:

 

[fcukcov]

The end of the stick people.....

we want more, we want more!!

 

[OldGit]

Come on MK, if Sherlock Holmes could come back from the dead then surely....

 

[MKFox]

 

[Yorkshire Vixen]

is that kate moss and pete doherty...

 

[OldGit]

A man's wife became more and more cold to him. He loved her dearly and didn't want to do anything to hurt her feelings, so he asked his doctor what to do.


The doctor said, "Well, I could let you try this experimental pill I have. Slip one of these pills into her coffee tonight at dinner. By bedtime, you should see a reaction. But remember: they're strong, so only give her one!"


That night, at dinner, when she wasn't looking, he slipped one of the tiny pills into her coffee. But then he thought, "She's been so cold lately and these things are so small, maybe one's not enough?" So he slipped in another. Then he remembered the doctor said they were strong. "Hmm," he thought. "Maybe two is too many? I'd better put one in my coffee, just in case."


That night, in bed, wife rolled over, cuddled him and said, "Honey, tonight I need a man."


"Me, too!" he replied.

 

[MHS]

 

[OldGit]

What is the difference between a woman and a computer?







A woman will not take a 3.25 inch floppy.

 

[MKFox]

What is the difference between a woman and a computer?







A woman will not take a 3.25 inch floppy.

That's all Mrs highland can get I'm afraid.....

 

[fcukcov]

That's all Mrs highland can get I'm afraid.....

Why, cant you give her anymore then MK?

 

[OldGit]

Why are hurricanes normally named after women?






When they come they're wild and wet, but when they go, they take your house and car with them.

 

[Melton Fox]

Why are hurricanes normally named after women?






When they come they're wild and wet, but when they go, they take your house and car with them.

Or simply because you are better off avoiding the fukkers all together

 

[OldGit]

Or simply because you are better off avoiding the fukkers all together

Hmmmm..... no, I'll still take my carribean holiday thanks, even tough both are inevitable.

And bear in mind this:

Arthur Davidson, the inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven." Arthur thought about it for a minute, then said, "I want to hang out with God."

St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room and introduced him to God. God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley Davidson motorcycle?"

Arthur said, "Yep, that's me."

God said, "Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road?"


Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally he said, "Excuse me, but aren't You the inventor of woman?"

God said, "Yes."

"Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:

1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusions;

2. It chatters constantly at high speeds;

3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much;

4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust;

5. And the maintenance costs are enormous!"

"Hmmmmm, you have some good points there," replied God, "hold on." He went to His Celestial super computer, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.

"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours."

 

[Han]

haha thats so funny. seriously. how do you type on here without sounding sarcastic. anyway, top bombing

 

[fcukcov]

tony blair walks into a doctors and says, 'Everytime I look in a mirror I become aroused.'

the doctor replys, 'thats becuase you are looking at a kunt.'

 

[alex]

In an interview about his failed marriage, Paul Mcartney was asked if he would ever go down on one knee again? He replied:

'I'd prefer it if you called her Heather'

 

[OldGit]

A biology professor at a University in Australia was giving a lecture on "Involuntary Muscular Contractions" to his first-year medical students. Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject, the professor decided to lighten the mood slightly.

He pointed to a young woman in the front row and asked, "Do you know what your arsehole is doing while you're having an orgasm?"





"Probably out fishing with his mates!!" she replied.

 

[OldGit]

Three Atheists were stranded on an island and about to die of hunger and thirst. They all decided it was time to pray. The first: "I don't know how to pray. Don't know where to begin."

The second said, "me neither."

The third said: "I've never done it either. The closest I've come to religion was living next door to a catholic church."

The other two: "You must have heard what goes on there, so you start us off."

The 3rd bows his head, clasps his hands and says:" two and three , twenty three.... all the threes....."