Singth
Active Member
I was going to put up a Jade Goody joke but didn't dare haha. Shall now though :icon_bigg
The random joke thread
- Thread starter Durham Fox
- Start date
- Status
I was going to put up a Jade Goody joke but didn't dare haha. Shall now though :icon_bigg
MKFox
New Member
The Major
Active Member
have i missed something in the news?
A petit filous!=I pity the fool.
MKFox
New Member
feck me, that is dreadful... drummer boy, you should have concentrated in your french lessons mate...:icon_wink
City Fan
Well-Known Member
Glad I'm not the only one who didn't get it. :icon_bigg
homer
Well-Known Member
MK never gets it
Except when he goes down to the YMCA for his 'special' voluntary work
Darth Vodka
Well-Known Member
apparently there a few sniggers at "til death us part"
Nottingham Fox
Moderator
Do you not think it's ironic that Jades head looks like an egg? She'l be in a box for Easter too.
fcukcov
Active Member
Last week was my birthday
And I didn't feel very well
Waking up on that morning.
I went downstairs for breakfast
Hoping my wife would be pleasant and say,
'Happy Birthday!',
And possibly have a small present for me.
As it turned out,
She barely said good morning,
Let alone
' Happy Birthday.'
I thought...
Well, that's marriage for you,
But the kids...
They will remember.
My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast
And didn't say a word.
So when I left for the office,
I felt pretty low
And somewhat despondent.
As I walked into my office,
My secretary Jane said,
'Good Morning Boss,
And by the way
Happy Birthday ! '
It felt a little better
That at least someone had remembered.
I worked until one o'clock ,
When Jane knocked on my door
And said, 'You know,
It's such a beautiful day outside,
And it is your Birthday,
What do you say we go out to lunch,
Just you and me.'
I said, 'Thanks, Jane,
that's the greatest thing
I've heard all day.
Let's go !'
We went to lunch.
But we didn't go
Where we normally would go.
She chose instead at a quiet bistro
With a private table.
We had two martinis each
And I enjoyed the meal tremendously.
On the way back to the office,
Jane said, 'You know,
It's such a beautiful day..
We don't need to go straight back to the office,
Do We ?'
I responded,
'I guess not.
What do you have in mind ?'
She said,
'Let's drop by my apartment,
it's just around the corner.'
After arriving at her apartment,
Jane turned to me and said,
' Boss, if you don't mind,
I'm going to step into the bedroom
For just a moment.
I'll be right back.'
'Ok.' I nervously replied.
She went into the bedroom and,
After a couple of minutes,
She came out
Carrying a huge birthday cake ...
Followed
By my wife,
My kids,
And dozens of my friends
And co-workers,
All singing 'Happy Birthday'.
And I just sat there...
On the couch...
Naked.
And I didn't feel very well
Waking up on that morning.
I went downstairs for breakfast
Hoping my wife would be pleasant and say,
'Happy Birthday!',
And possibly have a small present for me.
As it turned out,
She barely said good morning,
Let alone
' Happy Birthday.'
I thought...
Well, that's marriage for you,
But the kids...
They will remember.
My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast
And didn't say a word.
So when I left for the office,
I felt pretty low
And somewhat despondent.
As I walked into my office,
My secretary Jane said,
'Good Morning Boss,
And by the way
Happy Birthday ! '
It felt a little better
That at least someone had remembered.
I worked until one o'clock ,
When Jane knocked on my door
And said, 'You know,
It's such a beautiful day outside,
And it is your Birthday,
What do you say we go out to lunch,
Just you and me.'
I said, 'Thanks, Jane,
that's the greatest thing
I've heard all day.
Let's go !'
We went to lunch.
But we didn't go
Where we normally would go.
She chose instead at a quiet bistro
With a private table.
We had two martinis each
And I enjoyed the meal tremendously.
On the way back to the office,
Jane said, 'You know,
It's such a beautiful day..
We don't need to go straight back to the office,
Do We ?'
I responded,
'I guess not.
What do you have in mind ?'
She said,
'Let's drop by my apartment,
it's just around the corner.'
After arriving at her apartment,
Jane turned to me and said,
' Boss, if you don't mind,
I'm going to step into the bedroom
For just a moment.
I'll be right back.'
'Ok.' I nervously replied.
She went into the bedroom and,
After a couple of minutes,
She came out
Carrying a huge birthday cake ...
Followed
By my wife,
My kids,
And dozens of my friends
And co-workers,
All singing 'Happy Birthday'.
And I just sat there...
On the couch...
Naked.
Motown Fox
Well-Known Member
An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up....
The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the 86-year-old said ,'Things are great and I've never felt better.'
I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. "So what do you think about that Doc ?"
The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began to tell a story.
"I have an older friend , much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season."
One day he was setting off to go hunting. In a bit of a hurry , he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun."
"As he neared a lake , he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water's edge. He realized he'd left his gun at home and so he couldn't shoot the magnificent creature.
Out of habit he raised his cane , aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle and went 'bang, bang'."
"Miraculously , two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead.
Now, what do you think of that ?" asked the doctor.
The 86-year-old said , "Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver."
The doctor replied , "My point exactly."
The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the 86-year-old said ,'Things are great and I've never felt better.'
I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. "So what do you think about that Doc ?"
The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began to tell a story.
"I have an older friend , much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season."
One day he was setting off to go hunting. In a bit of a hurry , he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun."
"As he neared a lake , he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water's edge. He realized he'd left his gun at home and so he couldn't shoot the magnificent creature.
Out of habit he raised his cane , aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle and went 'bang, bang'."
"Miraculously , two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead.
Now, what do you think of that ?" asked the doctor.
The 86-year-old said , "Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver."
The doctor replied , "My point exactly."
Last edited:
drummindefender
Active Member
Whats a broken washing machine and a woman got in common?
they both leak everywhere when there well and truly ****ed
they both leak everywhere when there well and truly ****ed
bocadillo
Water Gypsy
SJN-Fox
Well-Known Member
A few oldies to upset the ladies ...
How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry It!
What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.
What are the three fastest means of communication?
1) Television
2) Telephone
3) Telawoman
How are fat girls and mopeds alike?
They're both fun to ride until your friends find out.
What should you give a woman who has everything?
A man to show her how to work it.
Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?
Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.
How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.
Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?
Because they don't have balls to scratch.
Why do women fake orgasms?
Because they think men care.
What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing , she's been told twice already.
If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you , what have you done wrong?
Made her chain too long
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me...'
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door , who do you let in first?
The dog , of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told
I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%...
It's called a Wedding Cake.
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
Women will never be equal to men...
Until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut , and still think they are sexy.
How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry It!
What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.
What are the three fastest means of communication?
1) Television
2) Telephone
3) Telawoman
How are fat girls and mopeds alike?
They're both fun to ride until your friends find out.
What should you give a woman who has everything?
A man to show her how to work it.
Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?
Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.
How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.
Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?
Because they don't have balls to scratch.
Why do women fake orgasms?
Because they think men care.
What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing , she's been told twice already.
If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you , what have you done wrong?
Made her chain too long
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me...'
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door , who do you let in first?
The dog , of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told
I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%...
It's called a Wedding Cake.
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
Women will never be equal to men...
Until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut , and still think they are sexy.
MKFox
New Member
I feel bad for chuckling at that
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