The random joke thread
- Thread starter Durham Fox
- Start date
- Status
OldGit
Well-Known Member
A cruise in the Pacific goes all wrong, the ship sinks, and there were
only 3 survivors; Damian, Darren and Deirdre.
They manage to swim to a small island and they lived there for a couple
of years doing what's natural for men and women to do.....
After several years of casual sex, all the time, Deirdre felt absolutely
horrible about what she had been doing. She felt that having sex with
both Damian and Darren was so bad that she killed herself.
It was very tragic but Damian and Darren managed to get through it and,
after a while nature once more took its inevitable course...........
Well, a couple more years went by and Damian and Darren began to feel
absolutely horrible about what they were doing
.....
.....
......
.....
..........
................
So they buried her.
only 3 survivors; Damian, Darren and Deirdre.
They manage to swim to a small island and they lived there for a couple
of years doing what's natural for men and women to do.....
After several years of casual sex, all the time, Deirdre felt absolutely
horrible about what she had been doing. She felt that having sex with
both Damian and Darren was so bad that she killed herself.
It was very tragic but Damian and Darren managed to get through it and,
after a while nature once more took its inevitable course...........
Well, a couple more years went by and Damian and Darren began to feel
absolutely horrible about what they were doing
.....
.....
......
.....
..........
................
So they buried her.
fcukcov
Active Member
one for OG for a change.....
A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking
her faithful aged dog named Cuddles, along for the company.
One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles
discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading
rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.
The old dog thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!" Noticing
some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew
on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap the old dog exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one
delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?"
Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look
of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!",
says the leopard, "That was close! That old dog nearly had me!"
Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a
nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard.
So off he goes, but the old dog sees him heading after the leopard
with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon
catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for
himself with the leopard.
The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here,
monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving
canine!"
Now, the old dog sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?", but instead of running,
the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't
seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old
poodle
says:
"Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me
another leopard!"
Moral of this story...
Don't mess with old farts...age and treachery will always overcome
youth and skill!
Bullshit and brilliance only come with age and experience!
A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking
her faithful aged dog named Cuddles, along for the company.
One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles
discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading
rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.
The old dog thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!" Noticing
some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew
on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap the old dog exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one
delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?"
Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look
of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!",
says the leopard, "That was close! That old dog nearly had me!"
Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a
nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard.
So off he goes, but the old dog sees him heading after the leopard
with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon
catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for
himself with the leopard.
The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here,
monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving
canine!"
Now, the old dog sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?", but instead of running,
the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't
seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old
poodle
says:
"Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me
another leopard!"
Moral of this story...
Don't mess with old farts...age and treachery will always overcome
youth and skill!
Bullshit and brilliance only come with age and experience!
fcukcov
Active Member
All of the seven dwarves were visiting Rome and they had an audience with the Pope. Dopey came forward and he said to the Pope:
"Your Excellence, are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?"
"No my son" replied the Pope " there are no dwarf nuns in Rome"
Some of the dwarves behind Dopey started to giggle
"Your Excellence, are there any dwarf nuns in Europe?" asked Dopey
"no my son" replied the Pope "there are no dwarf nuns in Europe"
A few more of the dwarves started to giggle and Dopey shot them a look of disdain
"Your Excellence, are there any dwarf nuns anywhere in the world? asked Dopey
"No my son there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world" replied the Pope
At this point the remaining dwarves all burst out laughing and sang.....
Dopey f****d a penguin, Dopey f****d a penguin.
"Your Excellence, are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?"
"No my son" replied the Pope " there are no dwarf nuns in Rome"
Some of the dwarves behind Dopey started to giggle
"Your Excellence, are there any dwarf nuns in Europe?" asked Dopey
"no my son" replied the Pope "there are no dwarf nuns in Europe"
A few more of the dwarves started to giggle and Dopey shot them a look of disdain
"Your Excellence, are there any dwarf nuns anywhere in the world? asked Dopey
"No my son there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world" replied the Pope
At this point the remaining dwarves all burst out laughing and sang.....
Dopey f****d a penguin, Dopey f****d a penguin.
fosseboy83
Active Member
Whats the first sign of madness?
Suggs walking through the door!
Suggs walking through the door!
OldGit
Well-Known Member
Doctor Dave had sex with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long.
No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming.
But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice that said:
"Dave, don't worry about it. You aren't the first doctor to sleep with one of
his patients and you won't be the last. And you're single."
"Just let it go."
But invariably another voice would bring him back to reality, whispering...
"Dave, you're a veterinarian."
No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming.
But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice that said:
"Dave, don't worry about it. You aren't the first doctor to sleep with one of
his patients and you won't be the last. And you're single."
"Just let it go."
But invariably another voice would bring him back to reality, whispering...
"Dave, you're a veterinarian."
fcukcov
Active Member
With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment,
it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which
almost went unnoticed last week.
Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Cokey," died peacefully
at age 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into
the coffin.
They put his left leg in, and then the trouble started.........
it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which
almost went unnoticed last week.
Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Cokey," died peacefully
at age 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into
the coffin.
They put his left leg in, and then the trouble started.........
OldGit
Well-Known Member
A plane flying over the North Sea is in trouble and likely to ditch.
There are six passengers on board, a Doctor, a Lawyer, a Priest, and three children. But there are only three life jackets.
The Doctor says, "Save the children!!", waving the life jackets.
Making a grab for the jackets, the Lawyer shouts, "F**k the children!!"
and the Priest inquires,
"Is there time...?"
There are six passengers on board, a Doctor, a Lawyer, a Priest, and three children. But there are only three life jackets.
The Doctor says, "Save the children!!", waving the life jackets.
Making a grab for the jackets, the Lawyer shouts, "F**k the children!!"
and the Priest inquires,
"Is there time...?"
OldGit
Well-Known Member
A nun in full black habit is walking past a bar when a drunk stumbles out, sees her, and punches her square in the nose.
Before she can scream, he lands a one-two and an uppercut. When she falls down, he starts kicking her with his scuffed business shoes.
As a crowd gathers, the drunk stops, staggers back, and slurs,
"You're not so tough, Batman!"
Before she can scream, he lands a one-two and an uppercut. When she falls down, he starts kicking her with his scuffed business shoes.
As a crowd gathers, the drunk stops, staggers back, and slurs,
"You're not so tough, Batman!"
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