The random joke thread

[fosseboy83]

16 year old Johnny asks his dad what a vagina looks like. "Well" said his dad knowingly, "it has 2 different looks. Before sex it looks like a beautiful rose with delicate pink folds", "What about after sex?" Asks Johnny. "Well" Said dad, "Have you ever seen a bulldog eating porridge?"

 

[City Fan]

Nicked from FT:


Jade Goody has requested that her ashes be placed in 300 individual velvet purses and given to the mourners at her funeral.

Apparently she wants everyone to leave the crematorium with a goody bag...

 

[drummindefender]

Jade Goody says she wants the best possible life for her kids

well dyings a start

 

[drummindefender]

Elton John is set to release a charity record for Jade Goody. Its called 'cancer in the minge'

 

[drummindefender]

Jade Goody and Jack Tweed are on a last trip away skiing when jade notices some white stuff on her shoulder.

"whats that!?" she asks Jack

"well it ain't ****ing dandruff..."

 

[drummindefender]

i'm already regretting telling the first two. mods can delete them.

 

[lazzer]

Be ashamed, be very ashamed.

 

[Singth]

i'm already regretting telling the first two. mods can delete them.

Don't worry about it.

Bloke takes DVD back to the shop and says to the assistant "I asked for Slumdog Millionaire but all that's on this disc is Jade Goody"

"Oh sorry" he replies "I thought you asked for Some Dog With No Hair"

 

[lazzer]

Don't worry about it.

Bloke takes DVD back to the shop and says to the assistant "I asked for Slumdog Millionaire but all that's on this disc is Jade Goody"

"Oh sorry" he replies "I thought you asked for Some Dog With No Hair"

shockingly poor

 

[Singth]

shockingly poor

Don't be shocked, I have plenty more :icon_bigg

 

[lazzer]

Don't be shocked, I have plenty more :icon_bigg

Its not the sickness i mind ,its the crapness . :icon_lol:

 

[drummindefender]

I'm about three years into my relationship now and started having erection difficulties. My girlfriend and i have different ideas for what the problem is: she brought me some viagr; I brought the fat **** a treadmill!

 

[drummindefender]

Donald ducks on a dirty weekend calls receptuon and asks for condoms

the receptionist says "shall i put them on your bill?"

"don't be thuckin thupid i'd thuffocate!"

 

[Singth]

Donald ducks on a dirty weekend calls receptuon and asks for condoms

the receptionist says "shall i put them on your bill?"

"don't be thuckin thupid i'd thuffocate!"

Daffy Duck :icon_wink

 

[lazzer]

Daffy Duck :icon_wink

Oooh school boy error :icon_bigg

 

[Dickovforengland!]

What is egg shaped and will be found in a box at easter?


Celebrity racist Jade Goody

 

[drummindefender]

Birra Blue...

Whats the difference between a woman and a freezer?


The freezer doesn't fart when you take the meat out of it!

 

[SJN-Fox]

An Australian guy goes into a bar in the Greek Islands.
Jill, the Australian barmaid takes his order and notices his Australian accent.

Over the course of the night they talk quite a bit.
At the end of the night he asks her if she wants to have
sex with him. Although she is attracted to him she says no.

He then offers to pay her $200 for the deed. Jill is travelling
the world and because she is short of funds she agrees.

The next night the guy turns up again and after showing her
plenty of attention throughout the night he asks if she will sleep
with him again for $200.

She figures in for a penny in for a pound - and it was
fantastic the night before - so she agrees.

This goes on for 5 nights. On the sixth night the guy comes into the bar.
But this night he orders a beer and just goes and sits in the corner.

Jill is disappointed and thinks that maybe she should pay him more attention.

She goes over and sits next to him. She asks him where he is from and he tells her Melbourne.

"So am I" she says.

"What suburb in Melbourne?"

"Glen Iris" he says.

"That's amazing" she says, "so am I - what street?"

"Cameo street" he says.

"This is unbelievable" she says, "what number?"

He says "Number 20" and she is astonished.

"You are not going to believe this" she says, "I'm from number 22 and my parents still live there!"

"I know" he says "your father gave me $1,000 to give you!"

He who drinks Australian - thinks Australian!

 

[MKFox]

A man showed up at a costume party with a girl on his back. Other partygoers were confused by the man's costume. Eventually, a woman approached the man and asked about his costume.

"I'm a snail," said the man.

"But there's a girl on your back," the woman replied.

"I know," said the man.









"That's Michelle."

 

[Graz]

A man showed up at a costume party with a girl on his back. Other partygoers were confused by the man's costume. Eventually, a woman approached the man and asked about his costume.

"I'm a snail," said the man.

"But there's a girl on your back," the woman replied.

"I know," said the man.









"That's Michelle."

Oh come on, that's olldddddd




Why did Hitler commit suicide?

He got the gas bill