lazzers handy hints

[drew]

Buy a season ticket next to a fat woman, this saves you time and effort folding your seat down.

 

[From Gradel to Grave]

:icon_lol: Have you seen this btw?

 

[Joe_Fox]

Ugly women - stop spending money on make up, spend the money on drinks for blokes. You might at least have half a chance of a shag then.

 

[homer]

Ugly women - stop spending money on make up, spend the money on drinks for blokes. You might at least have half a chance of a shag then.

Still not got it, Joe

 

[Macky]

used cigarette butts make ideal ear plugs & are great for blocking out ****wits going on & on about giving up smoking as a new year resolution.

 

[lazzer]

Still not got it, Joe

bless him :icon_lol:

 

[MKFox]

Popping two 'Alka Seltzer' tablets into a newly opened can of beer has exactly the same effect as a 'widget', and has the added advantage of preventing hang overs.

 

[Melton Fox]

Popping 2 Alka Seltzers in your mouth and then laying down in the street is great fun also, especially if you pop some green food colouring in as well

 

[Han]

Popping 2 Alka Seltzers in your mouth and then laying down in the street is great fun also, especially if you pop some green food colouring in as well

It'd also get you seen to a lot quicker in A&E

 

[drummindefender]

a good couple of handfuls of alka seltzers will instantly transform that old tub, into a luxurious jacuzzi (farting may be required for longevity)

 

[MKFox]

Avoid rice from sticking together by boiling each grain seperately. Use four saucepans simultaneously to speed up the process.

 

[fosseboy83]

Avoid rice from sticking together by boiling each grain seperately. Use four saucepans simultaneously to speed up the process.

the boiling water may also be used to scold (quite literally) any child that misbehaves

 

[drew]

In the summer staple hedgehogs to your boots to help aerate your lawn.

 

[Macky]

Peel the skin off a potato, slice it up into chip shapes & deep fry in hot oil, Hey Presto, the ideal replacement for McDonalds french fries.

 

[Joe_Fox]

Don't waste money on subway sandwiches - just shit into your own mouth.

 

[Melton Fox]

When getting out of the shower or bath, be sure to dry behind your foreskin well to avoid the build up of an unpleasent odour coming from the inevitable cheesy deposits.

I had a nasty experience one with Sister Pauline and a cheese grater at the local nunnery late at night just by the outside window of the East Wing Dormitory.

An anonymous smell could have avoided Sister Pauline being alerted

 

[Joe_Fox]

NTL customers - why waste time and effort ringing the NTL helpdesk when you have a problem? Simply pull your teeth out with a rusty pair of pliers and hammer your own bollocks onto a wooden block - you may as well.

 

[Boy Genius]

I see what you mean lads...... Joe just does not get it...

 

[lazzer]

oh he gets it ok but he thinks he gets more attention if he gets it wrong :icon_roll

 

[Boy Genius]

oh he gets it ok but he thinks he gets more attention if he gets it wrong :icon_roll

but does he....