The random joke thread

[lazzer]

A salesman invest sets of books on How to imrove your memory.He is doing quite well as he travels across the states. He decides to visit an indian reservation and manages to see Chief Crazy Horse. He tries the hard sell but the chief is having none of it telling him that Apaches have the best memories in the world. The salesman asks him what he had for breakfast 20 years to the day and the chief instantly replies "eggs" the salesman gives up and moves on.
After 15 years the salesman now retired is passing by the reservation and decides to visit the old chief has since picked up some apache lingo and enters the Chiefs tepee and greets him with a "How!" to which the Chief relies " scrambled"

 

[Matt_B]

My girlfriend criticised my apartment, so I knocked her flat.

 

[Kingy_85]

I was thrown out of a 9/11 charity event last year...

I only asked if anyone wanted to play Jenga.

 

[FryattFox]

My girlfriend criticised my apartment, so I knocked her flat.

 

[Singth]

Went to a charity disco last week in aid of women born without legs. Dancefloor was crawling with fanny.

 

[H T B]

Went to a charity disco last week in aid of women born without legs. Dancefloor was crawling with fanny.

Snails trails?:icon_lol:

 

[Kingy_85]

Last night i found a young homeless girl hidden amongst the dustbins outside my apartment. She was dirty and smelled terrible but i knew under that grime was a pretty little girls so I took her in. I bathed her for a good 30 minutes and then as i was towelling her down i suddenly became aroused. One thing led to another and before you know it i was ****ing her frantically on the bathroom floor....at one point i was banging her so hard that you'd have thought she was still alive !

 

[Blue Maniac]

Last night i found a young homeless girl hidden amongst the dustbins outside my apartment. She was dirty and smelled terrible but i knew under that grime was a pretty little girls so I took her in. I bathed her for a good 30 minutes and then as i was towelling her down i suddenly became aroused. One thing led to another and before you know it i was ****ing her frantically on the bathroom floor....at one point i was banging her so hard that you'd have thought she was still alive !

The Bible joke didn't last long at the bottom of the pile did it?

 

[Macky]

Last night i found a young homeless girl hidden amongst the dustbins outside my apartment. She was dirty and smelled terrible but i knew under that grime was a pretty little girls so I took her in. I bathed her for a good 30 minutes and then as i was towelling her down i suddenly became aroused. One thing led to another and before you know it i was ****ing her frantically on the bathroom floor....at one point i was banging her so hard that you'd have thought she was still alive !

My mate Tommy works on the railways. He did something similar when he found a young one who'd laid herself out across the tracks to commit suicide.



*edit* Apologies, I've just realised this is the Joke thread

 

[Blue Maniac]

My mate Tommy works on the railways. He did something similar when he found a young one who'd laid herself out across the tracks to commit suicide.



*edit* Apologies, I've just realised this is the Joke thread

 

[spionfox]

My mate Tommy works on the railways. He did something similar when he found a young one who'd laid herself out across the tracks to commit suicide.

Did he ever find the head?

 

[Macky]

Did he ever find the head?

No, he'd been bragging that he'd got his hole so we asked him if she was a looker, as you do, but he had no idea.
He's not too fussy though, in fairness.

 

[MKFox]

I get on extremely well with the lesbians next door.
They asked me what I would like for my birthday.
I was stunned when they gave me a Rolex.
It was very nice of them, but I think they misunderstood me when I said,
"I wanna watch."

 

[lazzer]

I found my grandad covering himself from head to toe in Lard last week. He has gone downhill fast since then.

 

[Matt_B]

Like most people my age,

I'm 26

 

[Matt_B]

Police have finally admitted they got it wrong in the shooting of Jean Charles de Menez.

It was his naughty brother Dennis they were after.

 

[Matt_B]

I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pickpocketed.

How could anyone stoop so low?

 

[Matt_B]

First thing this morning, there was a tap on my door.
Funny sense of humour my plumber has.



My wife came home from work crying yesterday and asked me to console her.

So I hit her over the head with my Xbox.

 

[MKFox]

Police have finally admitted they got it wrong in the shooting of Jean Charles de Menez.

It was his naughty brother Dennis they were after.

:icon_lol:

 

[Blue Maniac]

****ing hell.