The random joke thread

[fosseboy83]

What's brown and kills babies?
John Terry's wallet.

 

[fosseboy83]

There were two catholic priests trying their luck on a mechanical bull. the first lasted just 10 seconds, but the second priest managed to stay on for 10 minutes! "How do you manage to stay on for so long?" asked the first priest. "Well" said the second, "I used to have an altar boy with epilepsy!"

 

[FryattFox]

The car in front is a Toyota.

But it's the Toyata behind that I'm worried about.

 

[Blue Maniac]

The car in front is a Toyota.

But it's the Toyata behind that I'm worried about.

Oh, sorry, wrong icon.



Much better.

 

[FryattFox]

Oh, sorry, wrong icon.



Much better.

You got your icons the wrong way round.

 

[Blue Maniac]

You got your icons the wrong way round.

:icon_lol: There are far worse jokes in this thread than yours. Did you see the bible joke some unfunny **** posted a while back?

 

[FryattFox]

Did you see the bible joke some unfunny **** posted a while back?

Bible joke.
Unfunny.
Posted by a **** on this forum.

You're really going to need to be more specific!

 

[drummindefender]

An old couple decide to have oral sex and the man decides he'll go down first

"****ing hell love, it stinks down here!"
"Sorry dear, its my arthritis"
"What!? You've got arhritis in your fanny!?"
"No in my arm....





I can't wipe my arse!"

 

[Blue Maniac]

An old couple decide to have oral sex and the man decides he'll go down first

"****ing hell love, it stinks down here!"
"Sorry dear, its my arthritis"
"What!? You've got arhritis in your fanny!?"
"No in my arm....





I can't wipe my arse!"

:icon_lol: Evil.

 

[Blue Maniac]

Bible joke.
Unfunny.
Posted by a **** on this forum.

You're really going to need to be more specific!

Sorry, missed this completely. Here you go:

Unfunny **** tells Bible joke.

 

[fcukcov]

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of callouses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

 

[Darth Vodka]

Your Mum's so fat, when she fell down the
stairs I thought EastEnders was ending

 

[tedfoxxx]

Sophie Ellis Baxter has been found dead in a french footballers appartment... Investigating officers say she was head butted to death. Local papers say ... It was murder on Zidane's floor

 

[Cate Fox]

Sophie Ellis Baxter has been found dead in a french footballers appartment... Investigating officers say she was head butted to death. Local papers say ... It was murder on Zidane's floor

I'm ashamed to say I laughed at that :icon_lol:

 

[tedfoxxx]

I'm ashamed to say I laughed at that :icon_lol:

Really?:icon_eek::icon_bigg

 

[Darth Vodka]

Sophie Ellis Baxter has been found dead in a french footballers appartment... Investigating officers say she was head butted to death. Local papers say ... It was murder on Zidane's floor

crikey thats an old one

 

[Biff]

I dont think these have been posted before....

http://www.boreme.com/boreme/funny-2003/s_heathrow-p1.php

 

[From Gradel to Grave]

crikey thats an old one

I posted it after the World Cup.

 

[SJN-Fox]

Jonathan Ross has been accused of shoplifting a kitchen utensil from Tesco. Ross says it was a whisk he was prepared to take.

 

[fcukcov]

The husband leans over and asks
his wife, 'Do you remember
the first time we had sex together over fifty years
ago? We went behind the village
tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made
love to you.'

'Yes', she says, 'I remember it well.'

'OK,' he says, 'How
about taking a stroll around there again and we can do
it for old time's sake?'

'Oh Jim, you old devil, that
sounds like a crazy, but good
idea!'

A police officer sitting in the
next booth heard their
conversation and, having a chuckle
to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see
these two old-timers having sex against a
fence. I'll just keep an
eye on them so there's no trouble.
So he follows them..

The elderly couple walks
haltingly along, leaning on each other for support
aided by walking sticks...

Finally, they get to the back of
the tavern and make their way to the
fence.. The old lady
lifts her skirt and the old man drops his
trousers. As she leans against
the fence, the old man moves
in.. Then suddenly they
erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has
ever seen. This goes on
for about ten minutes while both are making loud
noises and moaning
and screaming. Finally, they
both collapse, panting on the ground.


The policeman is amazed.
He thinks he has learned
something about life and old age that he didn't know.


After about half an hour of lying
on the ground
recovering, the old couple
struggles to their feet and puts their clothes back
on. The policeman, is still
watching and thinks to
himself, this is truly amazing,
I've got to ask them what their secret is.


So, as the couple passes, he says
to them, 'Excuse me, but
that was
something else. You must've had a
fantastic sex life
together. Is there some sort of
secret to this?'


Shaking, the old man is
barely able to reply, 'Fifty years ago
that wasn't an electric
fence!'