The random joke thread

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A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it. 'Impossible!' says the doctor. 'Show me.'The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed;
likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you?'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.' 'I thought so,' the doctor said. 'Your finger is broken.
 
...and in the spirit of recycling (prevalent in this thread):

Q: How do we know the human body was designed by a civil engineer?

A: Who else would have put routed the waste disposal system through the middle of a recreational area?
 
Cheryl Cole has dyed her pubes blonde.
That's 2 black c***s she's got rid of this week.
 
A young guy and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town. They were about to have sex when the girl stopped.

"I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a prostitute and I charge £20 for sex." The man reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing.

After a cigarette, the man just sat in the driver's seat looking out the window. "Why aren't we going anywhere?" asked the girl.

"Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is £25..."
 
A woman wakes up after having a vaginal tuck to find three bunches of flowers by her bed. One bunch from her surgeon to say "all went well", one from her husband saying "get well soon and one from Tommy in the burns unit saying "thanks for the new ears"
 
Jesus loves me, I just like him as a friend. It's kinda awkward.
 
Bloke from just round the corner from Hillsborough has a sore arsehole, so he pops round to the chemist and asks, "Nah then lad, does tha sell arse cream?"

Chemist replies "Aye, magnum or cornetto?"
 
When he was boss of Sheffield United Neil Warnock, was asked by a reporter what he would do if he was manager of city rivals Sheffield Wednesday.
'I would buy some bad players, get the sack and then retire to Cornwall' he was said to have told the reporter
 
I went into a restaurant and asked for something herby.




They gave me a Volkswagen with no driver........
 
who's the coolest guy in the hospital?

the ultrasound guy



who takes his job when he goes on holiday?

the hip replacement guy
 
Darth Vodka said:
who's the coolest guy in the hospital?

the ultrasound guy



who takes his job when he goes on holiday?

the hip replacement guy
Click to expand...

Had to explain these to Mrs Spion and she still wasn't amused.

I laughed anyway :icon_bigg
 
A guy walks into a Glasgow library and says to the prim librarian,

"Excuse me Miss, day ye harv eni books on suicide?"

To which she stops doing her tasks, looks at him over the top of her
glasses, and says,

"Fook off, ye'll no bring it back!"
 
I walked down a street where the houses were numbered 48K, 128K, 256K, 512K, 1Mb,



..............





..............





..............




..............




.............. that was a trip down memory lane
 
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