The random joke thread
- Thread starter Durham Fox
- Start date
- Status
bocadillo
Water Gypsy
Blue Maniac
Alzheimers sufferer
Eucalyptus flavour?
Chuck T Masala
New Member
I heard this wonderful Fairy Story yesterday…...
One day, a long, long time ago, there lived a woman who did not whine, nag, or bitch.
But it was a long time ago & it was just that one day.
The End
One day, a long, long time ago, there lived a woman who did not whine, nag, or bitch.
But it was a long time ago & it was just that one day.
The End
Blue Maniac
Alzheimers sufferer
Chuck T Masala
New Member
Found in my son's school bag.
1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of maths disruption.
5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall.. The police are looking into it.
11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'
13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab centre said: 'Keep off the Grass.'
15. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
16. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
17. A backward poet writes inverse.
18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris , you'd be in Seine
1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of maths disruption.
5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall.. The police are looking into it.
11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'
13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab centre said: 'Keep off the Grass.'
15. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
16. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
17. A backward poet writes inverse.
18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris , you'd be in Seine
Longcliffe
Member
A train hits a bus load of catholic school girls and they all perish. They go to heaven but St Peter wants to ask them if they have had any contact with a penis.
The first girl says she once touched one with the tip of her finger. St Peter asks her to dip her finger in the holy water. The next girl admitted to fondling one, so she puts her hand in the holy water.
Suddenly there is a commotion and one girl pushes to the front. 'Jenny, what's the rush?' asks St Peter.
She replies, 'I want to gargle that holy water before Kathy sticks her arse in it'.
The first girl says she once touched one with the tip of her finger. St Peter asks her to dip her finger in the holy water. The next girl admitted to fondling one, so she puts her hand in the holy water.
Suddenly there is a commotion and one girl pushes to the front. 'Jenny, what's the rush?' asks St Peter.
She replies, 'I want to gargle that holy water before Kathy sticks her arse in it'.
fosseboy83
Active Member
Capellos just called Wayne bridge to tell him John Terry has lost the captain's arm band. Would he mind checking under his bed
bocadillo
Water Gypsy
Last edited:
drummindefender
Active Member
Apparently Ashley Cole has been caught speeding again.
He heard John Terry's car was parked outside his house!
He heard John Terry's car was parked outside his house!
Blue Maniac
Alzheimers sufferer
Tommy Wright has been released by Aberdeen.
drummindefender
Active Member
Wayne Bridge sent his ex-wife a replica of his cock moulded from Cadbury's Chocolate. She said she preferred Terry's
OldGit
Well-Known Member
An executive goes to see his doctor, complaining of feeling worn out all the time due to his long working hours. The doctor asks him a few questions about his lifestyle.
Doc: "So, do you and your wife have an active sex-life?"
Exec: "Yes, doc, twice a day, once in the morning before I go to work and again last thing at night."
Doc: "Hmm, and any other love interests?"
Exec: "Actually, my secretary, twice a day, once at eleven o'clock when she brings my mid-morning coffee and again at four o'clock when she brings my afternoon tea."
Doc: "Hhhhmmmmm, and so you make love a total of four times a day?!"
Exec: "Actually, I also see my mistress twice a day, at lunch-time and we make love, and I pop round to see her on my way home from work and we make love then, too."
Doc: "My God, man, no wonder you're always feeling exhausted! You really must take matters in hand!"
Exec: "But I do, doc, twice a day..."
Doc: "So, do you and your wife have an active sex-life?"
Exec: "Yes, doc, twice a day, once in the morning before I go to work and again last thing at night."
Doc: "Hmm, and any other love interests?"
Exec: "Actually, my secretary, twice a day, once at eleven o'clock when she brings my mid-morning coffee and again at four o'clock when she brings my afternoon tea."
Doc: "Hhhhmmmmm, and so you make love a total of four times a day?!"
Exec: "Actually, I also see my mistress twice a day, at lunch-time and we make love, and I pop round to see her on my way home from work and we make love then, too."
Doc: "My God, man, no wonder you're always feeling exhausted! You really must take matters in hand!"
Exec: "But I do, doc, twice a day..."
- Status
| P | Pld | Pts | |
| 1 | Liverpool | 11 | 28 |
| 2 | Manchester C | 11 | 23 |
| 3 | Chelsea | 11 | 19 |
| 4 | Arsenal | 11 | 19 |
| 5 | Nottm F | 11 | 19 |
| 6 | Brighton | 11 | 19 |
| 7 | Fulham | 11 | 18 |
| 8 | Newcastle | 11 | 18 |
| 9 | Aston Villa | 11 | 18 |
| 10 | Tottenham | 11 | 16 |
| 11 | Brentford | 11 | 16 |
| 12 | Bournemouth | 11 | 15 |
| 13 | Manchester U | 11 | 15 |
| 14 | West Ham | 11 | 12 |
| 15 | Leicester | 11 | 10 |
| 16 | Everton | 11 | 10 |
| 17 | Ipswich | 11 | 8 |
| 18 | Palace | 11 | 7 |
| 19 | Wolves | 11 | 6 |
| 20 | Southampton | 11 | 4 |
