The random joke thread

[lazzer]

A mother is sitting in the garden with her three daughters.

"Mummy," the first daughter asks. "Why am I called Rose?"

"Because when you were born a rose petal fell from that bush and landed on your forehead."

"Mummy," asked the second daughter. "Why am I called Tulip?"

"Because when you were born a tulip petal fell from over there and landed on your forehead."

The third daughter moaned: "Mnanmammmammnaamammangh!"

"Be quiet Fridge," said the mother.

The Fridge fell on her :icon_lol:

 

[Darth Vodka]

A new bride went to her doctor for a check up. Lacking knowledge of the male anatomy, she asked the doctor "What's that thing hanging between my husbands legs?"

The doctor replies "We call that the penis." The new bride then asks "What's that reddish/purple thing on the end of the penis?"

The doctor replies "We call that the head of the penis. The bride then asks "What are those 2 round things about 15 inches from the head of the penis?"

The doctor replies "Lady, on him I don't know, but on me they're the cheeks of my arse!"

ah, the doctor has a short penis and her bloke had a long one

 

[lazzer]

ah, the doctor has a short penis and her bloke had a long one

:icon_lol::icon_lol::icon_lol::icon_lol:

 

[Blue Maniac]

ah, the doctor has a short penis and her bloke had a long one

:icon_lol:

 

[Macky]

:icon_lol: :icon_lol: :icon_lol:

Oh dear Jebus, what has he started

 

[lazzer]

I can't believe it. Me and my wife were sitting watching TV when the founder of Apple just walked into the house and took all our Mr Sheen!

****ing Jobs, coming over here and stealing our polish.

Be a bit like an old bigot saying "****ing Polish (from Poland)coming over and stealing our jobs"

 

[Darth Vodka]

Be a bit like an old bigot saying "****ing Polish (from Poland)coming over and stealing our jobs"

Steve Jobs is the head of Apple!!!!!1

rofl

 

[RHYDAL]

Ah.....'B' side.

 

[Blue Maniac]

I still don't get that ****ing bible joke I told.

 

[lazzer]

The England team went to visit an orphanage in South Africa this morning, "its so good to put a smile on the faces of people with no hope, constantly struggling, and facing the impossible" said Jamal Omboto, aged 6.

 

[spionfox]

The England team went to visit an orphanage in South Africa this morning, "its so good to put a smile on the faces of people with no hope, constantly struggling, and facing the impossible" said Jamal Omboto, aged 6.

As we read it, we think it is a member of the England team speaking about a young South African. The sting in the tale, which is that it is actually a young South African talking about the England team, is worthy of a Jeffrey Archer short story.

There you go Harbs - funny as **** when it's explained to you eh!

 

[The Major]

The England team flew back into the country at Glasgow airport to ensure they got a heroes welcome.






























You see the Scots didn't want England to do well.

 

[spionfox]

You see the Scots didn't want England to do well.

Glad you added that bit Major

 

[lazzer]

Glad you added that bit Major

Major explained it and then Spion said thanks.

 

[Blue Maniac]

Major explained it and then Spion said thanks.

As part of a new running joke people are explaining punchlines and Lazzer took this a step further.

 

[Darth Vodka]

As part of a new running joke people are explaining punchlines and Lazzer took this a step further.

:icon_bigg

 

[Matt_B]

As we read it, we think it is a member of the England team speaking about a young South African. The sting in the tale, which is that it is actually a young South African talking about the England team, is worthy of a Jeffrey Archer short story.

There you go Harbs - funny as **** when it's explained to you eh!

I didn't think it was Harbs that explained it was it?

 

[Macky]

I didn't think it was Harbs that explained it was it?

No. It was the comedy juggernaut TornadoShaun

 

[Macky]

After Nigeria was eliminated from the world cup the Nigerian goalkeeper personally offered to refund all the expenses of fans that travelled to South Africa. He said he just needs their name, bank account details and pin numbers to complete the transaction.

 

[Blaby blue blood]

Whilst training with England, Wayne Rooney picks up the ball, dribbles past Defoe, Heskey, Johnson, Wright Phillips, King and Lennon, upon seeing this, Capello rolls his eyes and shouts 'I said dribble around the cones Wayne, the cones!!'