The random joke thread

[MKFox]

Dear Mr Moat
It has come to light that whilst you were in prison, the entire England world cup squad shagged your mrs.
Yours
Fabio


(shamelessly stolen and bastardised from a certain windswept loner formally from the glens on facebook)

 

[The Major]

Northumbria police have put a £10k price on Raoul Moat's head.






If they haven't got him by next week it goes up to £20k.....making it a Raoul Over

 

[Longcliffe]

What have Raoul Moat and Ashley Cole in common?
Their spell of messing around in the Geordie bush has come to an end.

 

[spionfox]

What have Raoul Moat and Ashley Cole in common?
Their spell of messing around in the Geordie bush has come to an end.

The reference to Raoul Moat, considering how much media coverage he has had, should be self explanatory.

The Ashley Cole reference alludes to the fact that Cheryl Cole originates from Geordieland and that presumably she had a bush which Ashley used to mess about with. They are separated now though, hence the statement that his messing with said bush has come to an end.

I reckon she is clean shaven myself.

 

[SJN-Fox]

I met a fairy today who granted me one wish. "I want to live forever," I said.
"Sorry," said the fairy, but I am not allowed to grant that type of wish.”
"Fine,” I said, "Then I want to die when England win the World Cup."
"You crafty bastard!" said the fairy.

 

[Blue Maniac]

I met a fairy today who granted me one wish. "I want to live forever," I said.
"Sorry," said the fairy, but I am not allowed to grant that type of wish.”
"Fine,” I said, "Then I want to die when England win the World Cup."
"You crafty bastard!" said the fairy.

SJN is saying he tricked the fairy, because England will never win the World Cup. This is a reference to England's consistently feeble 'efforts' to win said competition and the unlikeliness of them ever winning it.

In other words, England are shit.

Are we still doing this? It seems to ruin the jokes.

 

[spionfox]

Are we still doing this? It seems to ruin the jokes.

I think we might be OK to let it go now.

Well, until the next thick ****er comes along who wants something explaining again :icon_bigg

 

[Jeff]

I think we might be OK to let it go now.

I don't get it :icon_conf

 

[Macky]

I think we might be OK to let it go now.

Well, until the next thick ****er comes along who wants something explaining again :icon_bigg

Not quite.
It wasn't wanting something explained, he was the explainer:

http://www.talkingballs.co.uk/showpost.php?p=938838&postcount=148

 

[bocadillo]

SJN is saying he tricked the fairy, because England will never win the World Cup. This is a reference to England's consistently feeble 'efforts' to win said competition and the unlikeliness of them ever winning it.

Gulp!

I could have been dead soon after my 16th birthday!

 

[FryattFox]

I just had a beaver curry. It's like a normal curry, except a little otter.

 

[GazLCFC]

I just had a beaver curry. It's like a normal curry, except a little otter.

A chicken Tarka! Just like a tikka only otter!!!!

 

[Macky]

I told the mrs last night that I wanted a tit wank, she moaned "well how's that gonna feel good for me?"
"Just before I cum, I'll stop punching you in the face"
Needy bitch

 

[spionfox]

I told the mrs last night that I wanted a tit wank, she moaned "well how's that gonna feel good for me?"
"Just before I cum, I'll stop punching you in the face"
Needy bitch

You've started early tonight Macky :icon_bigg

 

[Hector]

A chicken Tarka! Just like a tikka only otter!!!!

That's much better! The beaver/otter one makes no sense as they are not taxonomically even close. It is like basing a joke on the similarity between a rat and a badger (there's a challenge :icon_wink).

 

[RHYDAL]

Badger and a rat taking a dump in the forest. Badger says to the rat..."Do you have problems with shit sticking to your fur?". Rat says "No" so the badger wipes his arse with him.

 

[spionfox]

Badger and a rat taking a dump in the forest. Badger says to the rat..."Do you have problems with shit sticking to your fur?". Rat says "No" so the badger wipes his arse with him.

What good would that do? The rat has already explained that shit doesn't stick to his fur so the badger would be wiping away without really achieving anything.

 

[Hector]

What good would that do? The rat has already explained that shit doesn't stick to his fur so the badger would be wiping away without really achieving anything.

Just like that shiny toilet paper we had to use in my childhood.

 

[The Major]

Just like that shiny toilet paper we had to use in my childhood.

Izal? That used to chafe.

 

[RHYDAL]

What good would that do? The rat has already explained that shit doesn't stick to his fur so the badger would be wiping away without really achieving anything.

The joke didn't say that shit didn't stick to his fur, just that it wasn't a problem. Probably just needed someone to piss on it in the same way stubborn shit in the toilet pan is dispersed.

It's based on a joke Eddie Murphy told in one of his stand up shows.

I remember the greaseproof paper too.