The random joke thread
- Thread starter Durham Fox
- Start date
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Yorkshire Vixen
Active Member
the pimp and elephant ones are good...:icon_conf :icon_bigg
OldGit
Well-Known Member
MKFox
New Member
Straight from Highlands home library....where he keeps his 'specialist' magazines and dot to dot books...
OldGit
Well-Known Member
Two young boys walk into a pharmacy one day, pick out a box of Tampax and proceed to the checkout counter. The man at the counter asks the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"
"Eight," the boy replies.
The man continues, "Do you know what these are for?"
"Not exactly," the boy says. "But they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four. He saw on TV that if he uses these he would be able to swim and ride a bike".
"Eight," the boy replies.
The man continues, "Do you know what these are for?"
"Not exactly," the boy says. "But they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four. He saw on TV that if he uses these he would be able to swim and ride a bike".
OldGit
Well-Known Member
A woman is taking golf lessons from a pro. After several sessions, the pro suggests she play a round and come back and report how she played. The woman comes to the pro shop the next day after playing eighteen holes. The pro asks how she liked her round, and she replies, "I enjoyed it very much, but I was stung by a bee."
"Where were you stung?" he asks.
"Between the first and second holes," she says. The pro replies, "Well, maybe you should close up your stance a little."
"Where were you stung?" he asks.
"Between the first and second holes," she says. The pro replies, "Well, maybe you should close up your stance a little."
Melton Fox
Dancing Queen
:icon_lol: Both of them are above your usual standard OG, I even chuckled 
MKFox
New Member
A study conducted by Cambridge University's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her monthly cycle.
For example, If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.
However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she tends to be more
attracted to a man with scissors lodged in his temple and a cricket bat jammed up his ass while he is on fire. No further studies are expected.
For example, If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.
However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she tends to be more
attracted to a man with scissors lodged in his temple and a cricket bat jammed up his ass while he is on fire. No further studies are expected.
fosseboy83
Active Member
Naughty Fox
New Member
An old man come jogging into a butchers shop wearing a tracksuit and trainers, "can I have 2 sausages and half a pound of mince please"
The butcher was surprised that such an old bloke was wearing that gear and jogging "you look very fit", "I am, I jog everywhere, use weights at home and swim every morning, guess how old I am" the old man said.
The butcher thought for a moment "72?", "ha, ha, ha, your miles off, I am not a day younger than 94!!". "Bloody hell, you do not look it".
The old man paid for his goods and jogged to the bakers, "can I have a wholemeal loaf and two iced buns please". The baker was surprised to see an old bloke jogging, "your a bit long in the tooth to be running around aren't you?", the old man replied "I like to keep myself fit, I bet you can not guess my age", after a short pause the baker said "81?" "ha, ha, ha, your miles off, I am not a day younger than 94!!". Surprised the baker gave him the goods and the old man paid then jogged to the news agents and the same conversation happened again in there and every other shop he visited.
Feeling pleased with himself as nobody had guessed his age he set off home, down the road he came across a small bent over old lady carrying two shopping bags, "can I help you with those love" he said, "oh thank you young man" she replied, "ha, ha, ha, young, I'm not young, I bet you can not guess how old I am", the old lady thought for a moment then shoved her hand down his pants and had a good grope, "94" she said. The old man was stunned "how the hell can you tell that from feeling down there?",
and the old lady replied "oh I can't, I was standing behind you in the butchers."
The butcher was surprised that such an old bloke was wearing that gear and jogging "you look very fit", "I am, I jog everywhere, use weights at home and swim every morning, guess how old I am" the old man said.
The butcher thought for a moment "72?", "ha, ha, ha, your miles off, I am not a day younger than 94!!". "Bloody hell, you do not look it".
The old man paid for his goods and jogged to the bakers, "can I have a wholemeal loaf and two iced buns please". The baker was surprised to see an old bloke jogging, "your a bit long in the tooth to be running around aren't you?", the old man replied "I like to keep myself fit, I bet you can not guess my age", after a short pause the baker said "81?" "ha, ha, ha, your miles off, I am not a day younger than 94!!". Surprised the baker gave him the goods and the old man paid then jogged to the news agents and the same conversation happened again in there and every other shop he visited.
Feeling pleased with himself as nobody had guessed his age he set off home, down the road he came across a small bent over old lady carrying two shopping bags, "can I help you with those love" he said, "oh thank you young man" she replied, "ha, ha, ha, young, I'm not young, I bet you can not guess how old I am", the old lady thought for a moment then shoved her hand down his pants and had a good grope, "94" she said. The old man was stunned "how the hell can you tell that from feeling down there?",
and the old lady replied "oh I can't, I was standing behind you in the butchers."
Melton Fox
Dancing Queen
I think you misunderstood what Lazzer meant Naughty
Singth
Active Member
A drunken man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and kissed her. She jumped up and slapped him silly.
He immediately apologised and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her."
"Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!" she screamed.
"Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."
He immediately apologised and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her."
"Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!" she screamed.
"Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."
:icon_bigg :icon_bigg
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| P | Pld | Pts | |
| 1 | Manchester C | 5 | 13 |
| 2 | Liverpool | 5 | 12 |
| 3 | Aston Villa | 5 | 12 |
| 4 | Arsenal | 5 | 11 |
| 5 | Chelsea | 5 | 10 |
| 6 | Newcastle | 5 | 10 |
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| 8 | Nottm F | 5 | 9 |
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| 18 | Southampton | 5 | 1 |
| 19 | Everton | 5 | 1 |
| 20 | Wolves | 5 | 1 |
