The random joke thread

[MKFox]

i got raped by some mime artists the other day

they did unspeakable things to me

:icon_razz

 

[Profondo Rosso]

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocaine during a root canal?

His goal: transcend dental medication.


Oof.

 

[Blue Maniac]

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocaine during a root canal?

His goal: transcend dental medication.


Oof.

:icon_lol: you should be ****ing banned for that.

 

[SJN-Fox]

I went to a disco last night and they played The Twist, so I twisted.
Later on they played Jump, so I jumped.
A bit later they played Come on Eileen, and I was kicked out!


I rang work this morning and said "I won't be in work today as I've got anal blindness!"
The girl in HR said "What's that then?"
I replied "I can't see my arse getting out of bed this morning!"

After our divorce I stabbed the missus to death, but before I dumped the body I cut her fanny out and kept it as a souvenir!
My new girlfriend has no idea what I mean when I say I'm going upstairs to have a go on the ex box.

Took a bird home after clubbing last night, and after a few drinks at mine we went upstairs.
While we were taking our clothes off a voice came from the bed and said "I hope that's not that fat bitch from last week".
The bird said "what the **** was that?"
I said "it's that bastard memory foam mattress...."

 

[SwedeFox]

Relatives of Raoul Wallenberg have agreed to feature in a new Tropicana campaign aiming to reduce food and drink waste.

The Wallenberg family is famous for saving a lot of juice.

 

[Blue Maniac]

Relatives of Raoul Wallenberg have agreed to feature in a new Tropicana campaign aiming to reduce food and drink waste.

The Wallenberg family is famous for saving a lot of juice.

Hmm.

 

[SwedeFox]

Hmm.

You're being generous there I think

 

[Blue Maniac]

You're being generous there I think

:icon_lol: Have you seen the Bible gag?

 

[lazzer]

I went to a disco last night and they played The Twist, so I twisted.
Later on they played Jump, so I jumped.
A bit later they played Come on Eileen, and I was kicked out!


I rang work this morning and said "I won't be in work today as I've got anal blindness!"
The girl in HR said "What's that then?"
I replied "I can't see my arse getting out of bed this morning!"

After our divorce I stabbed the missus to death, but before I dumped the body I cut her fanny out and kept it as a souvenir!
My new girlfriend has no idea what I mean when I say I'm going upstairs to have a go on the ex box.

Took a bird home after clubbing last night, and after a few drinks at mine we went upstairs.
While we were taking our clothes off a voice came from the bed and said "I hope that's not that fat bitch from last week".
The bird said "what the **** was that?"
I said "it's that bastard memory foam mattress...."

:icon_lol::icon_lol::icon_lol::icon_lol:

 

[manxfox]

drinking non alcoholic beer is like going down on your sister it tastes the same but just doesnt feel right

 

[fosseboy83]

what do you call an Aussie that can handle a bat?



A vet

 

[The Major]

what do you call an Aussie that can handle a bat?



A vet

What do you call an Aussie with a bottle of Champaign ?


A waiter.

 

[MKFox]

What do you call an Aussie with a bottle of Champaign ?

A waiter.

:icon_wink

 

[The Major]

:icon_wink

It's how they spell champagne in Australia, the thick convict ****s.:icon_wink

 

[The Major]

I just bought a new car stereo... When you shout out "Soul", it plays soul music.

When you shout out "Rock", it plays rock music.

Some kids ran in front of my car, and I shouted "****ing kids!", and it played some Garry Glitter.

 

[Cate Fox]

I just bought a new car stereo... When you shout out "Soul", it plays soul music.

When you shout out "Rock", it plays rock music.

Some kids ran in front of my car, and I shouted "****ing kids!", and it played some Garry Glitter.

I know I shouldnt, but :icon_lol:

 

[alex]

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yHx8y1rFjdk[/youtube]

 

[Cate Fox]

Paddy lost his ear on a building site.

His friend Murphy shouts out "is this it?".

Paddy looks and says "no, mine had a pencil behind it".

 

[fosseboy83]

Paddy lost his ear on a building site.

His friend Murphy shouts out "is this it?".

Paddy looks and says "no, mine had a pencil behind it".

oh dear:icon_lol:

 

[Cate Fox]

:icon_lol: ok, how about....

Old lady says to her husband "my nipples are as hot today as they were 50 years ago".

Husband replies "they ought to be, one's in your coffee and the other's in your porridge".