The random joke thread

[DillyDing22]

Apparantly Gerard Houiller asked for the money to buy Benzema off Real Madrid. Randy gave the swift reply of 'get bent'.

:icon_bigg

 

[Profondo Rosso]

How do you make a hormone?

Refuse to pay her.

 

[Darth Vodka]

How do you make a hormone?

Refuse to pay her.

dip the outside of the condom in chili sauce, i heard...

 

[LCFC'sGodWears9]

Dentists are going on strike.... Brace yourselves.

 

[Matt_B]

Me: Can I have a shag?
Girl: No!
Me: Wait! I don't think you heard me correctly...
Girl: Oh, I think I did...
Me: Fine then, what did I say?
Girl: "Can I have a shag?"

And that, Your Honour, is why it wasn't rape.

 

[Blue Maniac]

dip the outside of the condom in chili sauce, i heard...

The what?

 

[LCFC'sGodWears9]

Just downloaded the new commentary pack for Fifa 11, it's really realistic, my girlfriend walked in and Andy Gray told her to '**** off back to the kitchen'..

 

[Blue Maniac]

Just downloaded the new commentary pack for Fifa 11, it's really realistic, my girlfriend walked in and Andy Gray told her to '**** off back to the kitchen'..

I get the feeling I've heard it before.

 

[Profondo Rosso]

Got mugged last night by four big ****ing bastards. They kicked the ****ing shit out of me, but against all odds, I managed to knock one out.

Probably not the best time for a wank but it could have been my last!

 

[OldGit]

Got an e-mail today from a bored local housewife, 43, who was looking for some hot action!


So I sent her my ironing.

 

[OldGit]

I just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 5 hours to hoover the house.


Turns out she was a Slovak

 

[SwedeFox]

I just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 5 hours to hoover the house.


Turns out she was a Slovak

slovak

ovak

ovak

 

[Darth Vodka]

i used to have a job crushing lemonade cans

worst job i ever had

soda pressing

 

[Darth Vodka]

what's green and has wheels?

grass



(i lied about the wheels)

 

[Blaby blue blood]

In order to lose weight I'm trying out a new diet. It's called the Christianity diet.

Rather than eating food, I'm being fed lies.

 

[Blaby blue blood]

Little Johnny got kicked out of class today! The teacher asked him, "If I gave you £20 and you paid £5 to Joanne, £5 to Jane and £5 to Katie, what would you have?"
Apparently, "Three blowjobs and enough left for a kebab," was the wrong answer.

 

[Blaby blue blood]

I went into a brothel and said, "How much for anal?"
She said, "Sixty quid."
I said, "Ah, that's a bit expensive. I think I'll leave it."
She said, "Tight arse."
I said, "Oh, go on then."

 

[lazzer]

Grandad: I think Manchester United will win the premier league this season .
Grandson: Yeah tell me something I don't know.
Grandad: Er... your nana's arse can accomodate my whole fist.

 

[Profondo Rosso]

Why do Marxists only drink herbal tea?

Because proper tea is theft...

 

[bocadillo]

Why do Marxists only drink herbal tea?

Because proper tea is theft...

Why do those little Australian bears import unfiltered water from Liverpool to brew their daily cuppa?



Because the koala tea of Mersey is not strained.