The random joke thread

[Blue Maniac]

There are three there ... take your pick

Someone told a joke about a bible salesman a while back...

 

[SJN-Fox]

Someone told a joke about a bible salesman a while back...

Jamaica?

 

[Blue Maniac]

Jamaica?

Alaska.

 

[RHYDAL]

How does he smell?

 

[FoxCovert]

How does he smell?

**** nose?

 

[Chuck T Masala]

I got into a blazing row with my eldest son last night, I told him "You treat this house just like a hotel."

He said "Dad, how could you? I have NEVER snorted crack cocaine off a hooker's tits in this house."

 

[Matt_B]

I got into a blazing row with my eldest son last night, I told him "You treat this house just like a hotel."

He said "Why don't you step out from behind that luggage trolley and say that to my face".

See, mine is better.

 

[MKFox]

I'll go with the coke and brass version, sorry matt

 

[Matt_B]

I'll go with the coke and brass version, sorry matt

****

 

[The Major]

A woman walks into a butchers shop on a freezing winters day in Glasgow. Just as she enters, the butcher is coming out of the walk-in fridge and stands with his back to a heater. The woman looks at the meat on display and says, "it that your Ayrshire bacon?"

The butcher replies, "naw, just tryin' tae warm ma hands up!"

 

[Chuck T Masala]

Do you think we should take our relationship to the next level?" I asked my girlfriend.

"Ooh, yes," she giggled. "Let me just go upstairs and freshen up and you can tell me what you're thinking."

"Ok," I replied. "But make sure you give that arse a good wipe."

 

[Darth Vodka]

Do you think we should take our relationship to the next level?" I asked my boyfriend.

"Ooh, yes," he giggled. "Let me just go upstairs and freshen up and you can tell me what you're thinking."

"Ok," I replied. "But make sure you give that arse a good wipe."

amended for clarity

 

[The Major]

I went for a job interview as a blacksmith yesterday. He said, "Have you ever shoed a horse?"

I said, "No, but I've told a donkey to **** off."






A bear walks into a bar and the bar man goes "what ya want pal?"
Bear replies "a lager and a .................................................. .......................................whisky"
the bar man goes and gets the drinks when he gets back he goes to the bear "hey what's wi' the big pause???"
the bear replies "i was born with them"

 

[Blue Maniac]

I went for a job interview as a blacksmith yesterday. He said, "Have you ever shoed a horse?"

I said, "No, but I've told a donkey to **** off."

:icon_lol: ****'s sake.

 

[Motown Fox]

I saw a girl walking down the street that I ****ed years ago, so I ran up behind her, covered her eyes and whispered, "Guess who... I took your virginity..."

She said, "Dad?"

"Dad?" I replied, staggering back in disgust. "You lost your virginity to your Dad?"

She turned round and said, "Oh... It's you... I told you that you were my first because I was ashamed of what happened with my..."

"I don't want to hear it," I interrupted. "**** you, and your Dad."

As I walked off, I turned round and shouted, "Tell him Uncle Tony won't be coming round this Christmas after all."

 

[Real Sharapova]

Wayne Rooney has just expressed disappointment at being sent off tonight.

 

[spionfox]

Wayne Rooney has just expressed disappointment at being sent off tonight.

 

[SJN-Fox]

Wayne Rooney has just expressed disappointment at being sent off tonight.

I hope you've had a few bob on that.

 

[Blue Maniac]

Wayne Rooney has just expressed disappointment at being sent off tonight.

Any chance of odds on Rooney getting sent off.......

 

[Motown Fox]

Wayne Rooney has just expressed disappointment at being sent off tonight.

I hope you've had a few bob on that.

The Essex Police will be on your doorstep later to arrest you for your part in this betting fix:icon_bigg