The random joke thread

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Why did the puma get on well with other pumas?














































He had a good sense of puma........
 
I was late walking into a very important meeting today.
"Sorry boss" I said, quickly sitting down.
I put my briefcase and a Doner Kebab on the table and said, "Right, carry on."
My boss looked at our important clients, then he looked at me and hissed, "What's with the Doner Kebab Dave?"
I said, "Just some salad and a bit of chilli sauce."
 
**** me that's awful. I feel I wasted part of my trackpad scrolling down to read the punchline.

Do you not check who is responsible for posts before you read them? You should have known it would be an absolute stinker.
 
James Dyson is bringing out some new vacuum cleaners........





























































He's adding to his Oeuvre......
 
Aftera hundred years at the bottom of the Atlantic, Irish divers were amazed to find that the swimming pool on the Titanic was still full.
 
Aftera hundred years at the bottom of the Atlantic, Irish divers were amazed to find that the swimming pool on the Titanic was still full.

Macky will wake up soon.

Be afraid, be very afraid :icon_wink
 
A middle-aged woman seemed sheepish as she visited her gynecologist.


"Come now," coaxed the doctor, "you've been seeing me for years. There's nothing you can't tell me."

"This one's kind of strange," the woman said.

"Let me be the judge of that," the doctor replied.

"Well," she said, "yesterday I went to the bathroom in the morning and heard a plink-plink-plink in the toilet. When I looked down, the water was full of pennies."

"I see," commented the doctor calmly.

"That afternoon, I went to the bathroom again and, plink-plink-plink, there were 5p pieces in the bowl," the woman continued.


"That night," she went on, "I went again, and plink-plink-plink, there were 50p's. This morning, there were £1 coins!"


"You've got to tell me what's w ron g with me!" she implored. "I'm scared out of my wits!"

The gynecologist put a comforting hand on her shoulder. "There, there, it's nothing to be scared about," he said.






"You're simply going through the change!"
 
2 OAP's are enjoying oral sex together. The old man says, "I can't stay down here for too long it stinks".

The old lady replies "sorry it's my arthritis"

The old man replies "arthritis in your fanny!?"

"No!" says the old lady......"The arthritis is in my shoulder, I can't wipe my arse!!"
 
Two old biddies hook up and go to bed for the first time. As he starts to go down on her he recoils at the terrible stench. Looking up at her he asks what the hell it is.
"It's my arthritis dear, I can't help it."
"I didn't know arthritis made you smell?"



"It does when it means you can't wipe your arse"

An old couple decide to have oral sex and the man decides he'll go down first

"****ing hell love, it stinks down here!"
"Sorry dear, its my arthritis"
"What!? You've got arhritis in your fanny!?"
"No in my arm....





I can't wipe my arse!"

2 OAP's are enjoying oral sex together. The old man says, "I can't stay down here for too long it stinks".

The old lady replies "sorry it's my arthritis"

The old man replies "arthritis in your fanny!?"

"No!" says the old lady......"The arthritis is in my shoulder, I can't wipe my arse!!"

Maybe it's time this thread was closed. There are no new jokes.
 
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? Wiped his arse.
 
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