The random joke thread

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talking to a girl today, she said the last time she had sex it was like the olympic 100m, i said what all over in under 10 seconds, she replied no it involved 8 black men and a gun
 
There was an old woman from Leeds
Who swallowed a packet of seeds
In less than an hour
Her tits were in flower
And her fanny all covered in weeds
 
SJN-Fox said:
There was an old woman from Leeds
Who swallowed a packet of seeds
In less than an hour
Her tits were in flower
And her fanny all covered in weeds
Click to expand...

Hmmm, I can see an upcoming need for a limerik thread. Or not
 
Man Utd are playing Chelsea at Old Trafford one Saturday afternoon. Fifteen minutes into the game George Weah is adjudged to have fouled Jaap Stam at a corner and furiously shouts and remonstrates at the ref. Upon seeing this, Beckham goes up to Weah, puts a finger up to his lips and says "Shhhhh".Then he bursts out laughing and runs off leaving Weah somewhat bewildered. Ten minutes later Dwight Yorke puts the reds one up after sloppy defending and George is furious at his defence and shouts at them to get their act together. Once again Beckham comes up to Weah, says "Shhhh", starts wetting himself laughing and runs off again. Weah turns to his equally puzzled team-mates but they all shrug their shoulders in confusion too. Just before half time old George loses his cool again and shouts at a linesman and for a third time Beckham repeats his strange act. The half time whistle goes and as the players walk off, Roy Keane goes to Beckham and says

"Hey Becks, whats all that about with Weah then?" Beckham whispers something in Keane's ear and the Irishman looks to the heavens and says to Beckham "No you twat.., he's a Liberian!"

*Couldn't be arsed to type the lot out, I tell it much better though.
 
Last edited:
The Major said:
(I know others if anyone's interested)
Click to expand...


Can you tell us the one about the young woman from Crick please.
Oh, and the one about the lad who liked to hunt.
And while you're at it, how about any one that has 'orange' as the last word of the first line :icon_wink
 
That was a very good song
Sing us another one
Just...... etc etc
 
tedfoxxx said:
Man Utd are playing Chelsea at Old Trafford one Saturday afternoon. Fifteen minutes into the game George Weah is adjudged to have fouled Jaap Stam at a corner and furiously shouts and remonstrates at the ref. Upon seeing this, Beckham goes up to Weah, puts a finger up to his lips and says "Shhhhh".Then he bursts out laughing and runs off leaving Weah somewhat bewildered. Ten minutes later Dwight Yorke puts the reds one up after sloppy defending and George is furious at his defence and shouts at them to get their act together. Once again Beckham comes up to Weah, says "Shhhh", starts wetting himself laughing and runs off again. Weah turns to his equally puzzled team-mates but they all shrug their shoulders in confusion too. Just before half time old George loses his cool again and shouts at a linesman and for a third time Beckham repeats his strange act. The half time whistle goes and as the players walk off, Roy Keane goes to Beckham and says

"Hey Becks, whats all that about with Weah then?" Beckham whispers something in Keane's ear and the Irishman looks to the heavens and says to Beckham "No you twat.., he's a Liberian!"

*Couldn't be arsed to type the lot out, I tell it much better though.
Click to expand...

How old is this joke!?
 
tedfoxxx said:
Man Utd are playing Chelsea at Old Trafford one Saturday afternoon. Fifteen minutes into the game George Weah is adjudged to have fouled Jaap Stam at a corner and furiously shouts and remonstrates at the ref. Upon seeing this, Beckham goes up to Weah, puts a finger up to his lips and says "Shhhhh".Then he bursts out laughing and runs off leaving Weah somewhat bewildered. Ten minutes later Dwight Yorke puts the reds one up after sloppy defending and George is furious at his defence and shouts at them to get their act together. Once again Beckham comes up to Weah, says "Shhhh", starts wetting himself laughing and runs off again. Weah turns to his equally puzzled team-mates but they all shrug their shoulders in confusion too. Just before half time old George loses his cool again and shouts at a linesman and for a third time Beckham repeats his strange act. The half time whistle goes and as the players walk off, Roy Keane goes to Beckham and says

"Hey Becks, whats all that about with Weah then?" Beckham whispers something in Keane's ear and the Irishman looks to the heavens and says to Beckham "No you twat.., he's a Liberian!"

*Couldn't be arsed to type the lot out, I tell it much better though.
Click to expand...

Loving the topical stuff Ted
 
The boy stood o the burning deck.
His lips began to quiver.
He gave a cough, his knob fell off
and floated down the river.
 
there was a young lady from Leeds,
who ate a packet of seeds.
in less than hour, her nose was a flower,
and her hair was a bundle of weeds

(hey it's kid friendly OK!)
 
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