Melton Fox
Dancing Queen
What's the fastest thing on land?
Stevie Wonder's speedboat
Why hasn't Stevie Wonder written a hit in years?
He dropped his pencil!
The random joke thread
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Stevie Wonder's speedboat
Why hasn't Stevie Wonder written a hit in years?
He dropped his pencil!
Melton Fox
Dancing Queen
Stevie Wonder is playing his first gig in Tokyo and the place is absolutely packed to the rafters.
In a bid to break the ice with his new audience he asks if anyone would like him to play a request.
A little old Japanese man jumps out of his seat in the first row and shouts at the top of his voice "Play a jazz chord ! Play a jazz chord!".
Amazed that this guy knows about the jazz influences in Stevie's varied career, the blind impresario starts to play an E minor scale and then goes into a difficult jazz melody for about 10 minutes.
When he finishes the whole place goes wild.
The little old man jumps up again and shouts "No, no, play a jazz chord, play a jazz chord"
.
A bit pissed off by this, Stevie, being the professional that he is, dives straight into a jazz improvisation with his band around the B flat minor chord and really tears the place apart.
The crowd goes wild with this impromptu show of his technical expertise.
The little old man jumps up again. "No, no. Play a jazz chord, play a jazz chord".
Well and truly pissed off that this little guy doesn't seem to appreciate his playing ability. Stevie says to him from the stage "OK smart ***. You get up here and do it!"
The little old man climbs up onto the stage, takes hold of the mike and starts to sing ..... " A jazz chord to say I ruv you..."
In a bid to break the ice with his new audience he asks if anyone would like him to play a request.
A little old Japanese man jumps out of his seat in the first row and shouts at the top of his voice "Play a jazz chord ! Play a jazz chord!".
Amazed that this guy knows about the jazz influences in Stevie's varied career, the blind impresario starts to play an E minor scale and then goes into a difficult jazz melody for about 10 minutes.
When he finishes the whole place goes wild.
The little old man jumps up again and shouts "No, no, play a jazz chord, play a jazz chord"
.
A bit pissed off by this, Stevie, being the professional that he is, dives straight into a jazz improvisation with his band around the B flat minor chord and really tears the place apart.
The crowd goes wild with this impromptu show of his technical expertise.
The little old man jumps up again. "No, no. Play a jazz chord, play a jazz chord".
Well and truly pissed off that this little guy doesn't seem to appreciate his playing ability. Stevie says to him from the stage "OK smart ***. You get up here and do it!"
The little old man climbs up onto the stage, takes hold of the mike and starts to sing ..... " A jazz chord to say I ruv you..."
drummindefender
Active Member
i stand corrected
Melton Fox
Dancing Queen
Stevie Wonder and Jack Nicklaus are in a bar. Nicklaus turns to Wonder and says, "How is the singing career going?"
Stevie Wonder says, "Not too bad, the latest album has gone into the top 10, so all in all I think it is pretty good. By the way, how is the golf?"
"Not too bad, I am not winning as much as I used to but I/m still making a bit of money. I have some problems with my swing but I think I've got that right now."
"I always find that when my swing goes wrong I need to stop playing for a while and think about it, then the next time I play it seems to be all right," says Stevie.
"You play golf!?" asks Jack.
Stevie says, "Yes, I have been playing for years."
"But I thought you were blind; how can you play golf if you are blind?" Jack asks.
"I get my caddie to stand in the middle of the fairway and he calls to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball towards him. When I get to where the ball has landed, the caddie moves to the green or further down the fairway and again I play the ball towards his voice," explains Stevie.
"But how do you putt?" Nicklaus wondered.
"Well," says Stevie, "I get my caddie to lean down in front of the hole and call to me with his head on the ground and I just play the ball to the sound of his voice."
Nicklaus says, "What is your handicap?"
"Well, I play off scratch," Stevie assures Jack.
Nicklaus is incredulous and says to Stevie, "We must play a game sometime."
Wonder replies, "Well, people don't take me seriously so I only play for money, and I never play for less than $100,000 a hole."
Nicklaus thinks it over and says, "OK, I'm up for that. When would you like to play?"
"I don't care - any night next week is OK with me."
Stevie Wonder says, "Not too bad, the latest album has gone into the top 10, so all in all I think it is pretty good. By the way, how is the golf?"
"Not too bad, I am not winning as much as I used to but I/m still making a bit of money. I have some problems with my swing but I think I've got that right now."
"I always find that when my swing goes wrong I need to stop playing for a while and think about it, then the next time I play it seems to be all right," says Stevie.
"You play golf!?" asks Jack.
Stevie says, "Yes, I have been playing for years."
"But I thought you were blind; how can you play golf if you are blind?" Jack asks.
"I get my caddie to stand in the middle of the fairway and he calls to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball towards him. When I get to where the ball has landed, the caddie moves to the green or further down the fairway and again I play the ball towards his voice," explains Stevie.
"But how do you putt?" Nicklaus wondered.
"Well," says Stevie, "I get my caddie to lean down in front of the hole and call to me with his head on the ground and I just play the ball to the sound of his voice."
Nicklaus says, "What is your handicap?"
"Well, I play off scratch," Stevie assures Jack.
Nicklaus is incredulous and says to Stevie, "We must play a game sometime."
Wonder replies, "Well, people don't take me seriously so I only play for money, and I never play for less than $100,000 a hole."
Nicklaus thinks it over and says, "OK, I'm up for that. When would you like to play?"
"I don't care - any night next week is OK with me."
Matt_B
Well-Known Member
It took a while but I got there in the end :icon_bigg
Motown Fox
Well-Known Member
Stevie didn't either
lazzer
Moderator
Police have revealed that elizabeth Fritzl kept diary........
Monday -stayed in got shagged by dad
Tuesday - stayed in got shagged by dad
Wednesday -stayed in got shagged by dad
Thursday -stayed in got shagged by dad
Friday - stayed in got shagged by dad
Saturday went to watch Leicester at stoke.........wish i had stayed in.
Monday -stayed in got shagged by dad
Tuesday - stayed in got shagged by dad
Wednesday -stayed in got shagged by dad
Thursday -stayed in got shagged by dad
Friday - stayed in got shagged by dad
Saturday went to watch Leicester at stoke.........wish i had stayed in.
Melton Fox
Dancing Queen
FFS!!! :icon_lol:
That's wrong :icon_lol:
I bet she's glad she didn't go on sunday!!!
That's wrong :icon_lol:
I bet she's glad she didn't go on sunday!!!
Last edited:
Siouxsie
Moderator
Chuck T Masala
New Member
Lazzer you are a very naughty boy. I have wet my pants.:icon_bigg
SJN-Fox
Well-Known Member
My Wife said she was leaving me, she said she was going to work as a call girl in London, as they make £300 a time.
So when she was packing her clothes I started to pack mine.
She asked me where I was going, so I said 'I'm coming with you'
She asked me why
So I said, 'I want to see how you live on £900 a year'
So when she was packing her clothes I started to pack mine.
She asked me where I was going, so I said 'I'm coming with you'
She asked me why
So I said, 'I want to see how you live on £900 a year'
foxes forever
New Member
very good
londonfox
Well-Known Member
When is the only time you can spit in a Persian womans face?
When her mustache is on fire!
What's slimy cold long and smells like pork?
Kermit the frogs finger
What did the gay fireman say on 9/11?
It's raining men! Hallelujah! It's raining men! AMEN!!!!
What do a gynocologist and a pizza boy have in common?
They can smell it but they cant eat it!
Whats the difference between a wife and a girlfriend ?
3 Stone !
What is a Jews biggest dilemma?
Free pork
What's the difference between a woman with PMS and a Pitt Bull?
Lipstick
What's the difference between an English girl and an arab girl?
English girls get stoned before they commit adultery.
What's the first symptom of AIDS?
A sharp, stabbing pain in your rectum.
Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand?
she needs the other to moan with.
How do you know if you're at a gay picnic?
The hotdogs taste like shit!
When her mustache is on fire!
What's slimy cold long and smells like pork?
Kermit the frogs finger
What did the gay fireman say on 9/11?
It's raining men! Hallelujah! It's raining men! AMEN!!!!
What do a gynocologist and a pizza boy have in common?
They can smell it but they cant eat it!
Whats the difference between a wife and a girlfriend ?
3 Stone !
What is a Jews biggest dilemma?
Free pork
What's the difference between a woman with PMS and a Pitt Bull?
Lipstick
What's the difference between an English girl and an arab girl?
English girls get stoned before they commit adultery.
What's the first symptom of AIDS?
A sharp, stabbing pain in your rectum.
Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand?
she needs the other to moan with.
How do you know if you're at a gay picnic?
The hotdogs taste like shit!
MKFox
New Member
A Welshman was washed up on a beach after a terrible shipwreck.
Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him.
Looking around, he realised that they were stranded on a deserted island.
After being there a while, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sun set.
One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance.
As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely Welshman.
Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it.
But the sheepdog ever protective of the sheep growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep.
After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.
A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck.
The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful woman the man had ever seen.
She was in a pretty bad way when he rescued her and he slowly nursed her back to health.
When the young maiden was well enough, he introduced her to their evening beach ritual.
It was another beautiful evening...red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze - perfect for a night of romance.
Pretty soon, the Welshman started to get 'those feelings' again.
He fought the urges as long as he could, but he finally gave in and realising he now had the opportunity, leaned over to the young woman, cautiously, and whispered in her ear . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . ''Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?'
Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him.
Looking around, he realised that they were stranded on a deserted island.
After being there a while, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sun set.
One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance.
As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely Welshman.
Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it.
But the sheepdog ever protective of the sheep growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep.
After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.
A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck.
The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful woman the man had ever seen.
She was in a pretty bad way when he rescued her and he slowly nursed her back to health.
When the young maiden was well enough, he introduced her to their evening beach ritual.
It was another beautiful evening...red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze - perfect for a night of romance.
Pretty soon, the Welshman started to get 'those feelings' again.
He fought the urges as long as he could, but he finally gave in and realising he now had the opportunity, leaned over to the young woman, cautiously, and whispered in her ear . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . ''Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?'
Singth
Active Member
- Status
| P | Pld | Pts | |
| 1 | Manchester C | 9 | 23 |
| 2 | Liverpool | 9 | 22 |
| 3 | Arsenal | 9 | 18 |
| 4 | Aston Villa | 9 | 18 |
| 5 | Chelsea | 9 | 17 |
| 6 | Brighton | 9 | 16 |
| 7 | Nottm F | 9 | 16 |
| 8 | Tottenham | 9 | 13 |
| 9 | Brentford | 9 | 13 |
| 10 | Fulham | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Bournemouth | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Newcastle | 9 | 12 |
| 13 | West Ham | 9 | 11 |
| 14 | Manchester U | 9 | 11 |
| 15 | Leicester | 9 | 9 |
| 16 | Everton | 9 | 9 |
| 17 | Palace | 9 | 6 |
| 18 | Ipswich | 9 | 4 |
| 19 | Wolves | 9 | 2 |
| 20 | Southampton | 9 | 1 |
